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Switch to Forum Live View When/How did you know it was over?
6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 7:05PM #21
lovelight6
Posts: 12
You just have to love each other unconditionally, and must be able to forgive at all times. Maybe it's taking you both a long time to adjust to sharing your  "stuff" and your moods.. hmmm If you really irritate each other that much I wouldn't stay in the marriage.Why be miserable?  But then again maybe you would be more miserable without each other... What do you think?  My husband and I are free spirits, we come and go as we please. I admit about the only things we do together are eating dinner out, watching HOUSEHUNTERS and well you know.. sex.. haw haw. We don't even sleep in the same room. (I snore and I'm such a  light sleeper he wakes me up), but we do love each other. For a few years there I fell out of love with my husband. had a crush on another married guy, but didn't do too much about it.. But I stayed with my hubby and fell back in love.. (Who else would put up with me and vias-versa? ) We are both a bit eccentric. I admit. haw haw By the way I have been married 22 years and I'm 50 years old.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 8:10PM #22
ALongStrangeTrip
Posts: 10
The Direction Of Happiness
Leaving A Relationship
One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.

On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.

Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.


http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2008/13600.html
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 8:14PM #23
ALongStrangeTrip
Posts: 10
Space In Togetherness
Healthy Barriers
As relationships evolve, lives gradually become entwined. We tend to have a great deal in common with the people who attract us, and our regard for them compels us to trust their judgment. While our lives may seem to run together so smoothly that the line dividing them cannot be seen, we remain separate beings. To disregard these barriers is to sacrifice independence. It is our respect for the fact that our lives exist independently of the lives of others that allows us to set emotional and physical boundaries, to explore our interests and capabilities even when people close to us do not understand our partialities, and to agree to disagree. Maintaining healthy barriers is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap.

Human beings must relentlessly fight the temptation to follow the crowd. Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired, and it often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to ally ourselves with others. When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that "I" and "we" can coexist peacefully. Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear nor feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.

As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy. However much you enjoy the associations that bind you to others and provide you with a sense of identity, your concept of self will ultimately originate in your own soul. The healthy barriers that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out. Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.


http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2007/9489.html
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 7:05PM #24
lovelight6
Posts: 12
You just have to love each other unconditionally, and must be able to forgive at all times. Maybe it's taking you both a long time to adjust to sharing your  "stuff" and your moods.. hmmm If you really irritate each other that much I wouldn't stay in the marriage.Why be miserable?  But then again maybe you would be more miserable without each other... What do you think?  My husband and I are free spirits, we come and go as we please. I admit about the only things we do together are eating dinner out, watching HOUSEHUNTERS and well you know.. sex.. haw haw. We don't even sleep in the same room. (I snore and I'm such a  light sleeper he wakes me up), but we do love each other. For a few years there I fell out of love with my husband. had a crush on another married guy, but didn't do too much about it.. But I stayed with my hubby and fell back in love.. (Who else would put up with me and vias-versa? ) We are both a bit eccentric. I admit. haw haw By the way I have been married 22 years and I'm 50 years old.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 8:10PM #25
ALongStrangeTrip
Posts: 10
The Direction Of Happiness
Leaving A Relationship
One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have.

On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back.

Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.


http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2008/13600.html
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 8:14PM #26
ALongStrangeTrip
Posts: 10
Space In Togetherness
Healthy Barriers
As relationships evolve, lives gradually become entwined. We tend to have a great deal in common with the people who attract us, and our regard for them compels us to trust their judgment. While our lives may seem to run together so smoothly that the line dividing them cannot be seen, we remain separate beings. To disregard these barriers is to sacrifice independence. It is our respect for the fact that our lives exist independently of the lives of others that allows us to set emotional and physical boundaries, to explore our interests and capabilities even when people close to us do not understand our partialities, and to agree to disagree. Maintaining healthy barriers is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap.

Human beings must relentlessly fight the temptation to follow the crowd. Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired, and it often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to ally ourselves with others. When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that "I" and "we" can coexist peacefully. Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear nor feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.

As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy. However much you enjoy the associations that bind you to others and provide you with a sense of identity, your concept of self will ultimately originate in your own soul. The healthy barriers that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out. Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.


http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2007/9489.html
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 9:28PM #27
jon01
Posts: 2
Hi Ceren, sadly your situation is all too common.

I don't want to start a drift, but here is a link to something I was just watching before logging on here:

youtube*com/watch?v=pP25gzEYy5M

This woman has excellent videos and is more concise than I tend to be.

Enjoy and God bless.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 10:34PM #28
LKCASEY57
Posts: 4
Everyone comes to know in their own unique way, Ceren.
I read some of the other responses first before I decided to send my own note.
Well, for what it's worth, here goes.  Your note shows that you're already trying to work on the issues.  But my question is this : Is he working on it, too?  I takes both partners. 
And if he isn't, why not? Does he want to continue this way? Do you?  And I was brought up that marriage is forever, too. But, with adulthood, comes growth, we hope.  And growth brings about glimmers of light to guide us ever forward.  And change whether it's easy or hard, is necessary for us to grow and evolve.  Mine came to an end because of violence, or I would have stayed.
You both have to think long and hard - can you be Friends if you were not together?   
I was really happy he finally pushed me away.  I went back to school, and began doing what fed my Soul, and brought happiness to me, and others around me.  Like my Son.
I wish you hope, peace, and growth, and many smiles and much joy with your growth and life. :)
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 11, 2008 - 1:36AM #29
Starchild
Posts: 6
Hi Ceren

My first marriage was miserable it lasted 5 years on paper- 2 yrs separated and three together. I am happily married now to someone else.  In year 3 all we did was argue.  I tried to work it out but he refused to go therapy. I found out he had lied about financial matters and we were actually deeply in debt.  His spending - on what I do not know to this day.  I left the day I made that discovery.  Once trust was broken that was it for me.  I hope you are granted the information you need to decide to stay or go.  I read a book called Fighting Fair I think it was a good tool for improving communications when we disagree.
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 11, 2008 - 2:33AM #30
jackievaughn
Posts: 1
[QUOTE=Ceren;910701]Hello,
I've been married for 3 years now and it's been really challenging from the beginning.

My husband is an amazing man but we just don't get along. He brings the worst out of me and I bring the worst out of him.

We've been trying to make it better but it just hasn't improved. We're going to counseling but we haven't gone for too long.

So I was wondering... how did you know your marriage was beyond repair?

And... what are the things that you think are deal-breakers?

All the best,
Ceren[/QUOTE]
Pray! Pray! Pray! and Pray some more.I have been with my husband for seven years and we have been through a lot.I remember there was a time when we fought everyday.I would constantly blame him.I told myself he was the reason I was angry.Then one day I realize,  I already had a lot of angry issues before I met him.It was hard but I apoligize for the way I behave towards him and started working on me. I think the only time you should get a divorce if  there is constant physical, and mental abuse. No one shouId be disrespected ! I don't think there is a couple  on this earth who dosen't  get  frustrated sometimes, especially when you have not been married for a long time. God is also teaching me  not  to always comment on every little thing I dislike about my husband. I know it's hard, but  to keep down the agruments sometimes you just have to be quiet and take it to God.  I think  just staying before God helps a lot.
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