rickyvilleza wrote:

Yes, there is a communication problem.  That's what we need to work on.
That's what you all can help me with.

Ricky,
There is a group devoted to interpersonal communication skills here, and you are more than welcome to join.  There is a way to interact with your girlfriend that can be more effective with regards to your understanding her more clearly as well as she understanding you better.

Blessings,
Arnie

fortheloveofmorgan wrote:

A-MEN sista! My first marriage was abusive and now it is all on me to provide for
my daughter and me and even though my current husband is great, I still have to know
that I could provide for just the two of us again if I had to.

Yes, you owe it to her to be sure of that.  She did not ask to be born.   No matter what, we owe our kids some sense of security and stability.

rickyvilleza wrote:

Wow! I'm getting such good and varied responses to 'Vacation' that I'm going to forego my assessment of myself as an immature jerk or a reasonable boyfriend until it's finished. My girlfriend though today read me the riot act and wrote me a pretty nasty letter asking me not to contact her and how angry I made her so I said ok. I apologized by e-mail and thanked her sincerely for our ten months together. Then she e-mailed back and said she didn't mean it was over, she just needs some time. She's under pressure for a bunch of other reasons.
Thank you all for your responses so far.
Please feel free to pummel me some more, or otherwise.
I just want to know what's right

One of the first questions that **should** have been asked is how often does this happen? Granted one might not make many vacation plans in the course of a year, but if she truly is a self center person, you will be able to find other examples of it in your relationship.

rickyvilleza wrote:

What's interesting is that she e-mailed me last Wednesday how wonderful a man I was. "Thank you for who you are", she said. She told me on Sunday that she had never met a man like me, et. Very Loving. Then, she told me last night that she was going to tell me something that would probably make me mad. So it did, and now I'm not the most wonderful man in the world, I'm an immature selfish person.

Well she appears to be consistent at least in the sense the world revolves around her and what she wants and she feels is important. That you can express anything you wish just be darn sure it is what she believes at that moment or you will be wrong.

Now Arnie can teach you all about not judging her, and he can enable you to survive in this relationship, and endure much pain. I have heard that if you bring up the heat slowly enough a frog will not jump out of a pot of boiling water. :) You too can learn to be a frog.

rickyvilleza wrote:

To be fair to her she's under pressure, some of it due to the trauma she went through her previous marriage (she was physically assaulted).

Say what? She was abused, so now she has a right to abuse two, three, four or more people? And they inturn get to each abuse more?
I don't think so. Some things are simply right or wrong, to pretend that there is nothing wrong here is very self serving, IMHO. It enables those who chose to do it.

rickyvilleza wrote:

But some of it her own doing. She not only pissed me off, but her other female friend that was also going to go on the trip and won't now. so she's dealing with a huge project, pissing off her boyfriend and her best friend and fighting her ex husband for phsyical spousal abuse. She just snapped today and let me have it.

Right we can always keep coming up with excuses as to why she chose to think of only herself, or to place herself first. You can lie to yourself and pretend she is the best you can do, or the best that you deserve. I sincerely hope that she is very good at what ever she does for you, because you will pay a high cost to retain her services.