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Switch to Forum Live View How Important is Religion to a Relationship
6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 10:18PM #51
appy20
Posts: 10,165
LOL I tend to think my relationship with Edit is just too intimate for edit to be a female. :D
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 10:21PM #52
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I don't think love is black and white.  Especially when you are dealing with damaged souls.  He and I were too much alike in some ways.  We both had divorced parents with personality disorders or outright insanity. When you consider that, I think we gave it a good try and didn't do too badly until the end.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 10:18PM #53
appy20
Posts: 10,165
LOL I tend to think my relationship with Edit is just too intimate for edit to be a female. :D
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 10:21PM #54
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I don't think love is black and white.  Especially when you are dealing with damaged souls.  He and I were too much alike in some ways.  We both had divorced parents with personality disorders or outright insanity. When you consider that, I think we gave it a good try and didn't do too badly until the end.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 26, 2009 - 10:25AM #55
KatherineOrthodixie
Posts: 3,689
I'm sort of bothered by the logical extension of the thought that people should be totally accepted for what they are, in order for it to be called love. That is, if anything about love can be logical! :-)

What if the loved one engages in destructive (either self- or other) behavior? Should that simply be accepted? What about criminal actions or abuse, for instance? Is that acceptable also?

The answer might be, that destructive and/or dangerous behavior or abuse, is, of course, unacceptable.

But where to draw the line?

And once lines are drawn of whatever kind, then by definition, doesn't the love cease to be unconditional?
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 27, 2009 - 4:35PM #56
appy20
Posts: 10,165
Boundaries ARE conditions.  Boundaries are lines drawn in the sand, once crossed, the relationship becomes jeopardized.

DAH,
It was a long time ago, 15 yeqrs actually,  and am left  with the happiest memories of my life. Shoulds are rather useless.  There is just "is."  It played out the way it was meant to be.  The pain has passed. I am still learning from it though.  I guess I always will. One thing I learned is that one's lifestyle, religious beliefs and values do affect a relationship. It may not make a relationship but it really does help if a couple is on the same page with the things that matter to them the most.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 28, 2009 - 10:21AM #57
KatherineOrthodixie
Posts: 3,689

appy20 wrote:

it really does help if a couple is on the same page with the things that matter to them the most.


Ain't it the truth!

I think this should be engraved in stone somewhere prominent or put on cards given out to anyone even contemplating marriage!

“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 28, 2009 - 1:01PM #58
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I must point out though that my boyfriend's values CHANGED during our relationship.  When we first began dating, he had not been to church in years and did not intend to return.  He just found that, for business and social reasons, he needed to return.  So, it wasn't as if I had any warning.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 29, 2009 - 9:39AM #59
KatherineOrthodixie
Posts: 3,689
But this is a rather common pattern, actually, as people get older, faith/religion/beliefs/values seem to become more important, rather than less, and especially when children come along.
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 29, 2009 - 1:24PM #60
appy20
Posts: 10,165
Oh, he didn't have any faith at all. He believed in science, not God.  His church was more of a social club type of church.  It really was not very spiritual.  It was kind of the elite country club of the community.  He felt like he needed to belong for professional reasons.  He did not approve of their bigotry either.
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