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Switch to Forum Live View How Important is Religion to a Relationship
5 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 9:14PM #71
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

If your ex-bf was not willing to totally accept you as you are, then it was not love.


Once again you put conditions on your so call "unconditional Love". What gives you the *right* to determine if her boyfriend loves her? What give you the right to define love as black or white? If he does this he loves you, if he fails to do that he does not love you? All the preaching about how non judgmental you are, fails with that judgment.



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5 years ago  ::  Jan 26, 2009 - 11:30AM #72
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

KatherineOrthodixie wrote:

I'm sort of bothered by the logical extension of the thought that people should be totally accepted for what they are, in order for it to be called love.


Welcome to the outskirts of my world! I have long been bother with this hypocrisy.


KatherineOrthodixie wrote:

What if the loved one engages in destructive (either self- or other) behavior? Should that simply be accepted? What about criminal actions or abuse, for instance? Is that acceptable also?


Either everything is acceptable or it isn't. Either it is UNconditional or it is conditional.

KatherineOrthodixie wrote:

The answer might be, that destructive and/or dangerous behavior or abuse, is, of course, unacceptable.


Then as I have long stated it is conditional! And no longer UNconditional that is the difference in the two word meanings....

KatherineOrthodixie wrote:

But where to draw the line?

And once lines are drawn of whatever kind, then by definition, doesn't the love cease to be unconditional?


For some people the greatest love of all is the Love of Jesus. Of course if we accept the definition of love express here then Jesus love is NOT love. Jesus did not accept all behavior, does not accept all acts.

It is hypocritical to preach of how wrong it is to judge, and then pretend to judge if a man loves another or not! It is hypocrisy to assume a role that requires one to judge (Host) while preaching how wrong it is too judge others. Of course he will attempt to hide and deny his attitude.



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5 years ago  ::  Jan 26, 2009 - 11:46AM #73
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

appy20 wrote:

I don't think love is black and white.


I Agree! It is a rainbow of colors! I might define *love* for me as one way, and I may express that certain actions don't feel loving to me. But to tell someone else that a third party loves them or does not love them? To make it black and white, right or wrong....

appy20 wrote:

Especially when you are dealing with damaged souls. He and I were too much alike in some ways. We both had divorced parents with personality disorders or outright insanity. When you consider that, I think we gave it a good try and didn't do too badly until the end.


It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. To have tried. I am sorry Appy for all the things that could have been, that should have been.



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4 years ago  ::  Feb 22, 2010 - 2:17PM #74
David
Posts: 287

I would be totally lost without my faith....it has helped through some bad times the last few years....whew...

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4 years ago  ::  Feb 22, 2010 - 2:21PM #75
David
Posts: 287

my faith in God has kept me alive..it's as simple as that...Smile  

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4 years ago  ::  Feb 24, 2010 - 8:32PM #76
Erey
Posts: 17,378

I think faith is largely an individual journey so for that I don't think someone need be a spiritual mirror image of yourself.  People wax and wane with faith as they go through life.


But I do think it is very important to be on the same page at least.  People marry people of different faiths because they are so in love (lust) and then when the children come there is real tension.  If you are a very religious person then it is more important that your spouse share that religion and that devotion.


If you are middle of the road then you have more flexibility for a few differences.  If religion or spirituality is not imporant to you at all or if it is way down there on the list then I think it is important that you don't marry someone who is strongly religious .


 


I have spent my life as a wayward prodestant.  My husband is basically the same but he did not come from a church going family and church has a hard time holding his interest.  So I tend to go and take the kids and he often skips out.  That works for us. 


 

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 10, 2010 - 12:05AM #77
Sync
Posts: 41

Frankly, I think if someone's spirituality comes before their relationship, they should probably seriously consider becoming a priest or nun.


 


They idea that someone must believe the same as I is ridiculous, and in my opinion, is probably why fundamentalist christians have a higher divorce rate than the general populace.   For one thing, people's beliefs aren't static, they're subject to change over time.   Plus, just because two people attend the same church doesn't mean they agree on all the details of it's teachings.   Religion is necessarily a personal thing, unless you have some reason you need to wear it on your sleeve.    Some people though, have convinced themselves that they can't possibly be wrong-- I'd watch out for that, and give them a wide berth.   One of the seven deadly sins is Pride, and I think it is sometimes the most insidious.


 


I think a persons religious beliefs or lack of them is completely irrelevant.   If something is true, it's true whether you believe it or not-- things that are true don't need me to believe in them.   I prefer to hang out with nice people.   I don't care what their religion is, other things are far more important to our getting along.   A nice person who is a Buddhist and converts to Christianity is still a nice person, and a jerk who's a Christian and then becomes an agnostic is still a jerk.  I don't think it's even important to know what a person's religion is-- if you can't tell if someone is nice and someone who would be good to be with without some qualifying belief, I think that's a recipe for trouble right there.   Your priorities are just not right for an intimate relationship, period.


 


On the other hand, there is the issue of community.    If one person insists on being with one community, and the other with another, and circumstances are such that they can't do both at the same time, I can see that could be a source of some conflicts.   Not necessarily a show-stopper, but I could see it as a source of difficulties.  But if you think about it, in such a case it's likely that BOTH are christian, and the reason they can't do both at the same time is they are different denominations that both meet on Sunday.    I think it may be less likely that an agnostic and a christian would have that problem, or possibly even a buddhist and a christian, etc.  That itself strikes me as a bit ironic.   On the other hand, I personally am rather more flexible-- I don't mind at all getting involved in a community of belief that is not my own, providing they don't mind having me there, and as long as they're generally nice folks-- that doesn' mean I agree with their beliefs, but I do understand and respect them and the value of community.


 


My beliefs are not so fragile that I feel the need to isolate myself in a community of people who agree with me, and I would presume a potential mate's community is not a complete enclave (i.e., cult), so it's likely I'll get involved not just in one community, and experience a diversity of opinions.


 


 

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 10, 2010 - 2:28PM #78
withfearandtrembling
Posts: 138

Jan 8, 2009 -- 11:20AM, Talies wrote:

I am involed in a ending Marriage. My wife and I have been mairried for just over 8 years and togather for just over 9. I saw many warning signs but, anyway the question on My mind is how important is it that you share a religion with your partner, or at least have tolorance for the way they think?



It depends on the people involved, how seriously they take their faith, how actively they practice it, and whether or not they have children.


In my case, I would never have married outside of my faith simply because it is such an essential part of my day to day life and practice, because I want to raise my children up in my faith and its practice, because I want to participate as a family in it, and because it deeply influences my values and outlook on life. I could have married someone of a different denomination easily and compromised on specifice church affiliation and specific doctrines, but not of a different religion entirely. However, even if you marry someone of the same faith, you may find yourselves moving in opposite directions. I have realized that, though I thought my husband more devout than me when we dated, he has actually become far more secular than me in his outlook/value system since we got engaged, and this divergence has caused a strain in our marriage which has required compromise on both part and leading to some problems and sadness on both.  I don't know if I had married someone of a different religion but more similar moral values / world outlook if the problems would have been greater or lesser. So, while I think shared religion important, it is of course not a panacea or a s predictor.

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1 year ago  ::  Feb 06, 2013 - 3:45PM #79
Tarik
Posts: 1

Some religious leaders are coming to terms with rising numbers of Muslim-Christian couples in the UK


Islam is the United Kingdom's fastest-growing religion, and the country's Muslim population has nearly doubled in the past decade.



As the number of British Muslims increases, some are deviating from the faith's traditional norms. Many Muslim women in the UK now walk a tightrope between their Islamic culture and British identity.

 

Britain's diversity has spawned financially independent Muslim women who appear to be challenging their cultural and religious boundaries.

 

Being raised in a country that promotes tolerance and acceptance of others, they do not see themselves any ‘different’ to their non-Muslim compatriots. Increasing numbers are rejecting some of the cultural norms on offer, such as arranged marriages and family introductions. Instead seeking partners for themselves, who are an intellectual, financial and social equal.

 

Radically, challenging their boundaries has meant that growing numbers are choosing to marry out their faith.

 

In the UK, 21,000 interfaith marriages were recorded in 2001. Although no new statistics on the issue have been released since then, imams in the UK told Al Jazeera that these figures have surged in recent years.

 

Sheikh Toufik Kacimi, the CEO of Muslim Welfare House, a charity and community centre in London, says he is approached by at least two couples per week to consult on interfaith relationships.

 

Most religious scholars agree that Islam permits Muslim men to marry "women of the book" - Christians or Jews - thus expanding the number of potential partners to choose from.

 

Muslim women, on the other hand, are forbidden to marry a non-Muslim unless her partner converts to Islam, say purists. Some men nominally convert to Islam in order to appease their partner's family.

 

Imam Taj Hargey of the Muslim Educational Centre of Oxford is an exception. He has conducted marriage services for Muslim women without their Christian or Jewish partners converting. Most Muslims find this notion unacceptable, claiming it is tantamount to living in sin.

 

Imam Hargey's stance may be controversial, but he argues: "There is no verse in the Holy Quran that bans Muslim women from marrying non-Muslim men."

 

"Almighty God would have revealed explicit directives if Muslim women were not allowed to marry outside the faith," he says. "As Muslim men are entitled to marry women from the People of the Book who are not Muslim [Surah al-Maidah 5:5], the same right must be afforded to Muslim women as Islam is a gender-equal religion."

 

While imam Hargey may be alone in his outlook, some traditionalists are adapting to the reality that interfaith marriages are becoming more common.

 

In a new initiative by the interfaith organisation Christian Muslim Forum, senior Muslim imams and Christian ministers have recognised the rise in such marriages. After consulting with hundreds of couples, they have listed a series of guidelines calling for a softer approach to interfaith marriage.

 

Although stopping short of endorsing interfaith marriage, the religious figures of the Christian Muslim Forum, have encouraged counseling for such couples and oppose forced conversion as a condition for marriage.

 

Julian Bond, the director of the Forum, says unsympathetic behaviour towards interfaith couples can often turn people away from religion instead of helping them to remain within it.



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1 year ago  ::  Feb 20, 2013 - 9:16PM #80
rideronthastorm
Posts: 4,679
Well just met another guy through Meetup.com singles group were giving it a shot our friendship he seems real nice so its through the net meetup.com so.
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