ArnieBeeGut wrote:

If your ex-bf was not willing to totally accept you as you are, then it was not love.

Once again you put conditions on your so call "unconditional Love". What gives you the *right* to determine if her boyfriend loves her? What give you the right to define love as black or white? If he does this he loves you, if he fails to do that he does not love you? All the preaching about how non judgmental you are, fails with that judgment.



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appy20 wrote:

I don't think love is black and white.

I Agree! It is a rainbow of colors! I might define *love* for me as one way, and I may express that certain actions don't feel loving to me. But to tell someone else that a third party loves them or does not love them? To make it black and white, right or wrong....

appy20 wrote:

Especially when you are dealing with damaged souls. He and I were too much alike in some ways. We both had divorced parents with personality disorders or outright insanity. When you consider that, I think we gave it a good try and didn't do too badly until the end.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. To have tried. I am sorry Appy for all the things that could have been, that should have been.



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Frankly, I think if someone's spirituality comes before their relationship, they should probably seriously consider becoming a priest or nun.

They idea that someone must believe the same as I is ridiculous, and in my opinion, is probably why fundamentalist christians have a higher divorce rate than the general populace.   For one thing, people's beliefs aren't static, they're subject to change over time.   Plus, just because two people attend the same church doesn't mean they agree on all the details of it's teachings.   Religion is necessarily a personal thing, unless you have some reason you need to wear it on your sleeve.    Some people though, have convinced themselves that they can't possibly be wrong-- I'd watch out for that, and give them a wide berth.   One of the seven deadly sins is Pride, and I think it is sometimes the most insidious.

I think a persons religious beliefs or lack of them is completely irrelevant.   If something is true, it's true whether you believe it or not-- things that are true don't need me to believe in them.   I prefer to hang out with nice people.   I don't care what their religion is, other things are far more important to our getting along.   A nice person who is a Buddhist and converts to Christianity is still a nice person, and a jerk who's a Christian and then becomes an agnostic is still a jerk.  I don't think it's even important to know what a person's religion is-- if you can't tell if someone is nice and someone who would be good to be with without some qualifying belief, I think that's a recipe for trouble right there.   Your priorities are just not right for an intimate relationship, period.

On the other hand, there is the issue of community.    If one person insists on being with one community, and the other with another, and circumstances are such that they can't do both at the same time, I can see that could be a source of some conflicts.   Not necessarily a show-stopper, but I could see it as a source of difficulties.  But if you think about it, in such a case it's likely that BOTH are christian, and the reason they can't do both at the same time is they are different denominations that both meet on Sunday.    I think it may be less likely that an agnostic and a christian would have that problem, or possibly even a buddhist and a christian, etc.  That itself strikes me as a bit ironic.   On the other hand, I personally am rather more flexible-- I don't mind at all getting involved in a community of belief that is not my own, providing they don't mind having me there, and as long as they're generally nice folks-- that doesn' mean I agree with their beliefs, but I do understand and respect them and the value of community.

My beliefs are not so fragile that I feel the need to isolate myself in a community of people who agree with me, and I would presume a potential mate's community is not a complete enclave (i.e., cult), so it's likely I'll get involved not just in one community, and experience a diversity of opinions.

Some religious leaders are coming to terms with rising numbers of Muslim-Christian couples in the UK

Islam is the United Kingdom's fastest-growing religion, and the country's Muslim population has nearly doubled in the past decade.