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Switch to Forum Live View How Important is Religion to a Relationship
6 years ago  ::  Jan 29, 2009 - 9:39AM #61
KatherineOrthodixie
Posts: 3,689
But this is a rather common pattern, actually, as people get older, faith/religion/beliefs/values seem to become more important, rather than less, and especially when children come along.
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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5 years ago  ::  Jan 29, 2009 - 1:24PM #62
appy20
Posts: 10,165
Oh, he didn't have any faith at all. He believed in science, not God.  His church was more of a social club type of church.  It really was not very spiritual.  It was kind of the elite country club of the community.  He felt like he needed to belong for professional reasons.  He did not approve of their bigotry either.
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5 years ago  ::  Feb 19, 2009 - 2:47PM #63
JabinRahman
Posts: 1

Ceren wrote:

I think it really depends on each case.

The same thing goes for other things.... Would a vegetarian marry a non-vegetarian? It depends on how important vegetarianism is for you. If you're a PETA activist, I doubt you would marry a meat-lover.

The same thing with religion.


I like what you said...  religion is complicated, but tolerence?...you should respect all that she believes in even if it seems sooo wierd, love is understanding being there for one another if you werent gonna tolerate her beliefs then why did you join hands with her to be one... by creating a difference in thought or a dislike you create a border ... there is no such thing as a border in marriage... if soo its not a marriage

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 22, 2009 - 3:01PM #64
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

appy20 wrote:

John Lennon who abandoned his first wife and son and cheated on Yoko, albeit with her permission and couldn't get along with Paul. Fat lot he knew about love.


Don't you know that for some it is all about perception over substance. Someone who was unconditionally loved by many, who enable him to hurt those he claimed to love. But then all you need is unconditional love

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 22, 2009 - 4:39PM #65
DAH54
Posts: 3,318
The belief that love conquers all is a very childish, immature approach, that allows one to blame, and control. It enables manipulation. "If only you loved me enough you would......... " Fill in the blank of this manipulative statement. As teenagers most of us have experienced this belief, many of us have attempted to use this belief.

Healthy relationships are about more than just "love".

It takes work, and not all relationships will work.



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6 years ago  ::  Jan 22, 2009 - 6:01PM #66
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

What is described is of course an immature approach to love. Manipulation has no place in genuine love.


Is that a condition of "genuine love"? If it is then your "genuine love" requires more than just "love" if it is not, then your labeling of it is a red hearing... A diversion, and your "genuine love" can exist in an atmosphere of manipulation.

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

Mature love never says "If you loved me you would..."


Sounds like you are attempting to place conditions on your love....

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

And in any event, nobody can be manipulated without their consent.


So then you are "okay" with attempted manipulation? With manipulation because the other has consented to it. Coercion is not an issue for you?

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

It is true that not all relationships "work" - and that does not alter in any way what is being claimed.


If the only thing require is "love" then all relationships have the potential to work...

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

In a committed long-term relationship, "all" that is needed is love - but of course the genuine kind, not the childish kind.


So communication, trust, honesty, loyalty, care, affection, attention, kindness, respect, faith, shared goals, shared values, shared desires, are unnecessary?



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6 years ago  ::  Jan 22, 2009 - 6:06PM #67
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

DesertKat wrote:

If love were truely for only perfect people, then love would be for no one at all. Love isn't about being perfect or even perfect for someone. Its about being you and being content with yourself and the one you love. Its about knowing that your loved one enjoys his farts more then you enjoy new shoes but being able to laugh it off on the good days and shake your head and tolerate it on the bad ones.


Then love for us non perfect humans, is about far more than just "love". It is as you point out about conditions, about choice. About finding someone you are willing to accept, warts and all. Someone you can tolerate, even on bad days...

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 23, 2009 - 9:13AM #68
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

appy20 wrote:

I have absolutely no sex appeal.


Appy I disagree, no one has no sex appeal. Now you might have limited sex appeal, but you have some sex appeal. I do not care how you look, some where someone would love to make love to you given a chance.


Just my two cents...

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 23, 2009 - 2:18PM #69
DAH54
Posts: 3,318
Well if you are not a **perfect** person, and you wish your marriage to last you can always use abuse. It is a learn skilled. You can use guilt and manipulation to control your spouse. One can justify their actions by claiming it is impossible to manipulate anyone. That it is impossible to make your spouse feel anything. That any pain one's spouse feels is a choice on their spouses part. One can pretend that all that is needed is "love" .

One can always claim that labeling is wrong! While choosing to label that which one does not like as picking apart words, as trying to prove oneself right. One can attempt to label another as choosing to be imprisoned. Of course denial of ones own actions is a well know tool of the abusive personality.


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6 years ago  ::  Jan 25, 2009 - 6:26PM #70
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

appy20 wrote:

Unconditional love is not possible at all times for mere mortals.


Very wise words!

But some wish to think of themselves as victims, to play a role. So they set themselves up as being able to love unconditionally, while their spouse does not love them unconditionally.... This lets them become a victim! At least in their head... It's fun for some to pretend, to enable, to do what they please.

If their actions hurt their spouse, well it is their spouse choosing to hurt.
If their spouse wishes to feel respected by them, their spouse is controlling, or doesn't love unconditionally. They have words to both enable their actions and to unload their feelings onto their spouse. They find fault in others, while never accepting fault in themselves...



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