I am involed in a ending Marriage. My wife and I have been mairried for just over 8 years and togather for just over 9. I saw many warning signs but, anyway the question on My mind is how important is it that you share a religion with your partner, or at least have tolorance for the way they think?

[QUOTE=Talies;1005058] how important is it that you share a religion with your partner, or at least have tolorance for the way they think?[/QUOTE]

Because one's religion can be such an integral part of who and what the person is, I don't see how NOT sharing that element of your life with your spouse can lead to anything but problems.

Even if one of you is more 'into' your spiritual life than the other, if there is not at least a nominal connection on the spiritual level, then there is a huge gap in the intimacy of relationship that makes a good marriage.

Ideally, both spouses will be on the same page spiritually/religiously.  However, if you aren't at least in the same library...go figure.

I take it that you and your soon to be ex were not on the same page, and maybe not even in the same book?

I'm an atheist, and I don't think I would be compatible with someone who wasn't. It does greatly determine you're outlook on life.

It also depends on what you want the other to DO about those beliefs.  If both can respect and tolerate each other's differences, that is good but can both of you live without participation in spiritual types of worship without the other?  My last boyfriend and I broke up over church.  We weren't arguing over our beliefs although they were different. Or rather, we could discuss our differences in an interesting way.  We didn't get mad.  LOL.  We were enthralled with the debate of it.  He wasn't the type that had to have a doormat in his life.  I didn't need one either. 

We argued over the importance of the role of his particular church in our lives and the lives of our children should we have them.  I tried to accept the church.  I attended 90 days and hated it.  I offered and did attend another 30 days and tried to tolerate it. I could not.  I could have accepted my s.o. going to church on Sunday but he could not tolerate going without me.  He would not consider another church.  I worked full time, six days a week sometimes and just could not see spending Sunday mornings in a church with beliefs I oppose.  I didn't want to marry in his church.  I would have accepted kids being raised in it.  Although, I did not want kids either.  I knew that having a child was the most important thing in the world for him and I loved him enough to do that. 

We tried to work it out.  We went to Couple's therapy.  The therapist kept pointing out to him that it wasn't her or his place to change my beliefs.  We had to accept each other.  I could tolerate his beliefs. She tried to get him to do some type of compromise or rethinking.  I could cherish him in spite of the differences but I just couldn't make myself go to that awful church.   I just began dreading Sunday with all my heart.  I felt bad about it.  I tried harder.  I just began resenting that one day of the week so much when I had to attend. It would not have bothered me if he had gone by himself.

At the heart of it, he really wanted his wife to be a certain type and that type went to church. I wasn't it.  He wasn't a bad guy; I tried my best.  I don't think less of him. It takes two to work something out.  He just wouldn't budge.  I budged as much as I could bear.

It is much harder to overcome the larger issues. Not impossible but it takes two.

Ceren wrote:

I think it really depends on each case.

The same thing goes for other things.... Would a vegetarian marry a non-vegetarian? It depends on how important vegetarianism is for you. If you're a PETA activist, I doubt you would marry a meat-lover.

The same thing with religion.

That actually describes my inlaws.  She's a vegetarian, very involved in PETA.  Her husband is a meat eater.  They love and respect each other nonetheless.