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7 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 2:31PM #1
sabriya
Posts: 4
I am pregnant with my fourth child. I want to tell my husband but I am not sure if I want to keep it. The reason is because I do not get the necessary help I need  with the other three. What would you do?
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7 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 2:43PM #2
sharon_bivens
Posts: 658
There is no question what I would do.....I believe you have been given a gift.....

Of course, I left my children's dad and raised my two by myself, so I never got to have three.  I always wanted a big family, but I now am blessed with grandchildren to spoil and send home.  :)

Only you truly know your situation, but I must say, if you have to ask the question, you are already in turmoil about the decision.  Take that into consideration because you can not undo this without causing possible permanent damage to yourself....not to mention the rest of your family.

God bless,

Sharon
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7 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 5:59PM #3
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
sabriya,

You are having great difficulty managing the three children you already have, and so part of you feels that a fourth child would be way too much.  And you are still hesitating to take the step of ending the pregnancy.  Maybe you would be willing to express what kind of help you would need that might cause you to want the child.

Blessings,
Arnie
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 2:55AM #4
singspraise
Posts: 157
i felt that way when i found out i was pregnantr again and me and my husband were going through somw issues but i decided to keep the baby and i am glad that i did i dont think i could live with the guilt. have you let your husband know that you need help and how? is there any family you are close to that could possibly help you? are your other three still very young or do some go to school?  i am sure there are ways you could manage please give us more information so we can give better input. and good luck i know its a tough decision and your hormonal and only have a few months in which to actually decide, my prayers are with you.
"first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win"
-Mahatma Ghandi
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 9:21AM #5
Justcallmebob
Posts: 34
I'm sorry I don't buy that this is about being pregnant....after having three children you know how they happen. If you really did not want to be pregnant again you would have done something to prevent it.

Which makes me think that this is not about being pregnant again but rather about feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated....not justification in my book for ending the life of a child that has already been conceived.

Perhaps you need to sit down with hubby and TELL him how you feel....about being pregnant (he has the right to know...it is his child too) and about how you are feeing overwhelmed.

Then ASK for help...don't just assume he knows what you need and what needs to be done for the kids (a mistake I made early on in my marriage...I assumed hubby could read my mind).

And then take a deep breath, take care of yourself, and don't jump into any decisions....remember that once the early hormones are gone, things might look totally different.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 2:43PM #6
sabriya
Posts: 4
thank you so much for replying.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 2:50PM #7
sabriya
Posts: 4
Here is a little bit of information about my situation. My family lives about 500 miles away from me. I have already had the "help"talk with my husband. It gets better for about 3 weeks. Then he goes back to what you may call "bachelorhood" (all cooking, cleaning, and rearing of kids is done by me). I tolerate it for about 2 weeks and then we have the "help" talk again. He is not new to this. He took care of his nephew for 8 years,so he already knows what to do for kids. Please keep in mind that we have been married for almost 5 years.
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 6:39PM #8
jbird975
Posts: 14
Sabriya,
Have you tried counseling?  Maybe the two of you could benefit from seeing a professional therapist and if he won't go, then maybe you should go see someone by yourself.  It really helps to talk these things out with someone who is trained to listen and help (and someone who is completely objective).  If you decide not to keep the baby, I hope you will consider adoption.  There are a lot of couples out there who can't have kids of their own and will be able to give your child a good life.  I will keep you in my prayers!!!

Jodi
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 6:39PM #9
jbird975
Posts: 14
Sabriya,
Have you tried counseling?  Maybe the two of you could benefit from seeing a professional therapist and if he won't go, then maybe you should go see someone by yourself.  It really helps to talk these things out with someone who is trained to listen and help (and someone who is completely objective).  If you decide not to keep the baby, I hope you will consider adoption.  There are a lot of couples out there who can't have kids of their own and will be able to give your child a good life.  I will keep you in my prayers!!!

Jodi
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6 years ago  ::  Mar 05, 2008 - 10:24AM #10
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

sabriya wrote:

I am pregnant with my fourth child. I want to tell my husband but I am not sure if I want to keep it. The reason is because I do not get the necessary help I need with the other three. What would you do?


Just a quick note here people, Sabriya said she may not want to keep it. That is not necessarily the same as saying she wants an abortion, she could give it up for adoption.

Sabriya I've got to agree that after having three children it is likely that you understand what causes them, so I believe this child is a cry for help. I don't know your husband, I don't know you, and what you are not getting that you believe you need. Clearly something is wrong, seriously wrong IMHO for you to be thinking about this, and I wonder if this is perhaps a means to motivate yourself to step out and take a risk that you are not comfortable with? Change is SCARY, but saving a life can cause one to risk many things. It sometimes even heps us to see what actually matters in our lives. To give us clarity if you will.

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