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Switch to Forum Live View Involvement versus Interference
10 years ago  ::  Feb 23, 2008 - 9:01AM #1
Posts: 20
It has been normally observed that you want to help any one of your near/loved ones and get involved with their success or problem solving. Though your intentions are pure but your help is normally taken as interference. Isn't it?

If you knew before hand that this help of yours will be taken as interference, perhaps you will not like to help in the very first place. So how to know before hand that this particular help of yours will be taken as interference or involvement?
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 23, 2008 - 2:11PM #2
Posts: 1,543
You could always ask.
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 24, 2008 - 4:16PM #3
Posts: 823
If they're my sibling, regardless my helps are taken as interference or not, I would help them anyway. I usually don't help my friends without asking.
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 25, 2008 - 1:52AM #4
Posts: 23
I once had a friend who's mother tried to commit suicide by her car's exhaust. I found her, saved her and she was subsequently held for psychological evaluation and hospitalization. I was later vilified as a meddler in their family for my actions and input, but they have their mother and I have quietly reduced myself to a distant acquaintance.

I honestly can't think of anything that I would change.  I believe that if we explain our intentions, and they are helpful, at least the other people involved will know where we are coming from.
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 25, 2008 - 9:34AM #5
Posts: 3,689
My experience/observation is that when you agree with them and support them in their plans and decisions, it's positive involvement. When you disagree with their boneheaded choices/decisions, it's interference.
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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10 years ago  ::  Feb 29, 2008 - 10:23PM #6
Posts: 20
I value the wisdom of my friends here. It is true that when the need has not been identified by the other person then every help will be perceived by him/her as interference only. It is important for the other person to know in which areas you can contribute. Thus the best way is to offer help and if the person accepts your offer then start helping. To know before hand whether the person will take your help as interference or involvement - initiative is the key. If initiative of your helping him/her is taken by other person, it will be taken as involvement AND if the initiative to help him/her is taken by you then there is every possibility that it will be taken as interference.
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10 years ago  ::  Mar 03, 2008 - 10:44PM #7
Posts: 286
i think it depends on who it is, what your relationship is with that person and the context of situation.  With my siblings we have an unconditional rule of involvement.  They get to say what they feel led to say to me without question and I do them as well.  We have such a strong relationship that I know their ideas, questions, and thoughts come straight out of love.  We are real with eachother.  I'm glad about that.  If I am doing something stupid, I depend on my loved ones around me to tell me to knock it off.  My husband does not have the same kind of relationship with his sibs so it is almost always intereference.  In this type of forum and in other support groups where you go to seek the advise and opinions of others though - I'd expect that to be more of an involvement than interference other wise, you wouldn't be here.
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10 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 12:25AM #8
Posts: 1,407
The most effective kind of help that can be given is to listen to them from the heart and allow them to find their own solutions.  Anything else - whether in agreement or disagreement - tends to neither enhance the relationship nor be effective in them solving their problem.

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10 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2008 - 5:20PM #9
Posts: 658
It is a flip of the coin, I believe.   

Arnie is so right!!  The best way to help is to be there for them and to listen to them as they sound out their own way. 

Once you start helping, then you are soon interfering no matter what.   It is human  nature, I believe.   Your children and siblings are the worst, and friends!!!!  (I think we all could tell a horror story or two).

"The best way to have a friend is to be one"

God's blessings,

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