SwanSong9966,

I am sorry that you were not able to working things out, but based on what was going on and the fact that you were contemplating divorce, perhaps it is for the best anyway. I hope the custody situation is reolved to your satisfaction.

Trust is such a crucial element in any relationship, and lacking that trust, it is perhaps not surprising that the relationship foundered.

I hope you will be able to get emotional support through this ordeal. Please let us know how it is going for you.

Blessings,
Arnie

I have been married about 10 years.  I have two children from a previous marriage that was abusive.  From the very beginning things were difficult.  My husband had done some time on drug charges but somehow started using them. He lies and deceives me on several occasions.  Also, he has shown love and concern for my children and does whatever is needed for them, he still has not given them the feeling of love and time. He has never tried to understand or interreact with my children when they were younger as a father would do. no outside games, no family time unless i suggest it. 

I don't deny that he has done nice things for me & my children.  And gives me his income so that he won't misuse it and bills are being paid. However, he still is emotionally draining because he wants me to give him money for him to buy his drugs. He is a crack addict. Just the idea of him nagging me for $20, $40 dollars each week and if he does a side job he just blows that money entirely. I am tired of the arguments the hiding of purses, putting locks with keys on the bedroom doors. He has taken things from our home to supply his addiction.  I can no longer completely trust him.  That makes me feel bad....sad!

Looking back, I see that perhaps this was a marriage of convience and security rather than true love.  It is hard to remain in a relationship without true romantic love.  I remain because I lack the funds and resourses to leave and feel that i should keep the home and he return to his home town.   

Still, I am contemplating divorce because I cannot live a lifetime without peace.  It is hard because I've been through the pain of divorce before.  Being alone and a single parent again is not what i had in mind.  Still, I think it is the right thing to do.  Am I wrong?
i need some HELP!   Peace

snita

ArnieBGut

Thanks for replying. Yes i am so...hurtful. No, i don't want to divorce but i am clearly not gonna keep going thru these changes, no peace, constant nagging, all times of the hour, being gone..just not caring about himself and definitely not the family.  As a person he is a good guy but he has allowed this addiction to overcome his emotions. He is not voluntarily going to subcome to rehab but steady says that he doesn't want to keep doing drugs.

the main reason why i haven't done anything about it is because somehow i feel that i still need the (disability income) that is coming in monthly. i pay the mortgage and insurance with it and my son is drawing also from his benefits. Even though my son may be cut off i still believe that his income should pay for the mortgage & insurance if any.  I haven't figured it out but II am looking into it. Then the spiritual side of me tells me to just hang on & God will take care of it but i also feel that if i just step out on faith on this he will be taking care of it.

Again, thanks for listening and replying to my concerns.

snita