Enzo wrote:

Hello. I'm in spiritual agony about this situation. Please offer me whatever insights you can.

Three weeks ago, after years of fighting (and good times) and two months of agonizing indecision, my wife of 23 years decided to end our marriage.

If you don't mind my asking, 1) what was the fighting about, and 2) why did you let her wallow about in indecision for 2 months and let her make the decision?

The problem is that we need to live in the same house for at least 3 - 4 months while we separate. This would be difficult, but bearable, except she has met other men online and wants to begin dating right away ... as early as next month.

It seems to me that she wants to punish you, probably for the "years of fighting" and the letting HER make the tough decision to divorce.  I certainly wouldn't put up with it for a minute; I'd find lodging in a YMCA, first, or a camper truck or a tent in the woods---or even under a bridge, assuming I couldn't find a way to get her out of the family home by filing charges against her for one thing or another---like if she's ever been violent with you, etc., you might could get a restraining order barring her from the premises...

I can't believe that after so many years, she would do this. I've implored her not to do it, that it would hurt too much. She says that she is farther along coping with the separation and is ready to move on with her life. She says I'm am being controlling. She wants her independence. That's the whole point.

Depending on what state you live in, this could be construed as both adultery(possibly a chargeable offense, check the laws in your state) and "extreme mental cruelty."  If I were in your shoes, I'd visit www.divorcecare.com asap, find a meeting near me, and go, along with my list of questions.  In some states, this can be construed as "alienation of affection," and you can sue the one dating your stbx wife for big bux.  "Wants her independence," does she?  Tell her that once the divorce is final, she can be as independent as she wishes, but until then, you ain't havin' it.  I think part of your mistake was in begging/imploring her not to do this; most women don't respect weak.

I don't want to control her, but it is agonizing to think about this. What should I do?

Tell her NFW is she going to bring any of these men to your house.  Tell her that if this is what she wants to do, to go and live with a GF or family member, first---or at the YMCA, a camper truck, a tent, or under a freakin' bridge...ANYwhere you won't have to see this or deal with these other men in any way, shape, or form.  If she refuses?  Find legal advice on your situation, then go after her---OR the dates---if it's possible in your state.  Do NOT shoot them.

Warmest regards-

Hatman