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10 years ago  ::  Sep 06, 2008 - 9:47PM #1
Posts: 171
I would like those that have been married for more than 10 years and still married to respond please. (no offense intended)

I have only been married for about 4 years (sept 16).  We have 2 beautiful children 5 & 3. I work more than 1 hour away from home and my husband does also.  Like most of middle class families, we are struggling to keep things afloat. I get up at 5am to get my son ready for school, but my husband does it on the days that he is off. If my husband work that means I must drop my daughter off for daycare, he picks them both up.  I dont get off of work until 9pm hour ride home means I get home at 10pm.  Weekends are all that I have to do the housework and spend time with the kids and my husband.

I admit I dont do everything...he cooks, cuts the yard, fixes the things that are broken, read books to the kids when I am not are tiresome but they are a joy.  I make sure that the bills are paid (with both of our incomes).  We had a big fight today about the house being cleaned. There are lot of things that we both do that isnt always evident to each other.  I do most of my cleaning at night when everyone is not needing my attention.

Needless to say alot of yelling and hurtful words were said. He shoved me and I am no punk I fight my own battles.  I am just sorry that our children had to witness it. I left our house because it only takes one time for any man to put his hands on me.

My question when is it truly time to let go? Do you keep fighting for your marriage? When do you quit?
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10 years ago  ::  Sep 06, 2008 - 11:10PM #2
Posts: 942
Well I'm not the one you would want to talk to..... however/.......  reading this book would have saved my 10 year marriage: … sp?id=2456

7 Principles That Make A Marriage Work

It is based upon years of study and rooted in what works.  I gave a copy to my ex and his girlfriend to help them avoid making the same mistakes.  I also apply the principles to the relationship we have now.

Peace and well wishes.
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10 years ago  ::  Sep 08, 2008 - 10:36AM #3
Posts: 5,740
My husband and I have been married for almost 15 years.  We have more than our fair share of problems, and many of them continue today.  There has never been any type of physical abuse, but plenty of other issues that I won't get into here. 

When I got to the point of really being ready to walk out, he FINALLY agreed to go to marriage counseling.  I'm not sure what our future holds right now, so I may not be the best one to give advice, but I will say this.  If he hadn't agreed to take that step, I think I would have walked. 

Especially in your situation where  things have gotten physical, I would not take 'no' for an answer when it comes to seeking professional help.  If he's not willing, I think that would give you the answer you're looking for. 

Good luck.
Our need to learn should always outweigh our need to be right

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.
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10 years ago  ::  Sep 08, 2008 - 1:50PM #4
Posts: 3,689
[QUOTE=CESMom;750397]Especially in your situation where  things have gotten physical, I would not take 'no' for an answer when it comes to seeking professional help.  If he's not willing, I think that would give you the answer you're looking for. 

Good luck.[/QUOTE]

I've been married 30 years and we've had (and continue to have) plenty of arguments, but no physical abuse - a deal-breaker for me. You've gotten some excellent advice, including the above. I would just add that maybe you're both just tired and stressed out.

You need to step back and honestly assess what there is about your work and living situation etc. that you could change. And don't immediately say, "Nothing!" There are always things you can change. You and your husband are carrying a heavy load, and it may be too heavy, so things need to change, before it gets even more out of control. Though of course that's no excuse for physical violence.
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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10 years ago  ::  Sep 07, 2008 - 7:24AM #5
Posts: 3,318
I am sorry but you don't get home till 10:00 pm and your up at 5:00 am? You get less than 6 hours of sleep, a night? How do you define marriage? What is married life?

You stated you where shoved, tonight and you are here. I'm assuming that means you aren't ready to leave yet. So you're seeking hope, if so click here I believe you'll find a lot of good information here. You might say but gee my spouse is not one of these, and I'm not suggesting he is. Just that there is a lot of knowledge here that can work for you. I suggest you get back from the looking glass, and read the section on getting help. This lays it out plain and simple on what to do, what to ask for, and when to do it. It also tells you what not to do. This is not the normal pack your bags and run bit. If you are willing it's a chance to save your marriage.


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