That would be awful if i had to give up my writing or reading that part of me would die.but it is a difference when men do that and then be little their wife or girl friend because they dont look a certain way. We arent barbie dolls that can just bend and fit and lose weight and inches where ever you want us to, or gain the same thing. so reading isnt porn at all or writing. What most men do when they are looking at porn is lusting after the woman or wishing we looked liked so and so and then the name calling starts I promise you no woman wants to be called another womans name during sex, no more than a man wants to. fantasy and porn or two separate issues altogether.

“Sorry, from my POV that distinction is a big fat mind game. "Honey, I'm not telling you to change, but you should want to if you love me."
   
  You know, there are far more respectful and polite ways of getting your needs met and communicating boundaries. It is disrespectful to say “If you love me, you’ll _____.” But depending on how much it means to you, you can word it with more tact to get the results you want. If it is an irritant, you can say “it really hurts my feelings when you watch porn, and now I’m feeling really insecure in the relationship.” Then the conversation can go from there. Or if it is something that really bothers her, she can set a boundary and say “you are welcome to choose to look at pictures of naked women, but I will choose not to share my body with you sexually if that is what you choose.”
   
  You see, how it can all be about negotiating how to live together so both partner’s needs can be met.
   
  I see what you are saying with regard to “accept”, but I contend that the OP does not accept the situation like she originally thought she would. So the fact is, she doesn’t accept the behavior, and now she has to find other ways of dealing with the situation.
   
  “So I do disagree with your philosophy.”
   
  You are welcome to do this, but it is not about debate – it is about the OP and how she can work to resolve the issue with her husband, and more than one perspective can come in handy. The OP can decide what works for her.
  An

Since you were addressing me, it looked like you were attempting to engage me in debate. Thank you for clearing that up.

[QUOTE=NadyaJS;201090]I'm kind of embarrassed talking about this, but I think I could really use some opinions, especially from men.   I say especially from men because I could really use the balanced perspective.  I know there are plenty of women out there that have no issues with their significant others desire for visual variety, but I know there are also a lot of women that consider their men looking at porn cheating. 

I've been married for 5 years and I trust my husband and I really wanted to be one of those cool wives that wasn't threatened by it.  My husband said his little hobby had absolutely nothing to do with me and his love for me and attraction to me.  The thing is, he's not looking at naked women in their mid-thirties who are size 10 (12 on a bad day) like me (well, like me before August).  He's looking at young naked women who are size 0-2.  When I brought that to his attention he said he would be if there were any sites that had naked women my size.  Ya, that didn't help.  :)

I decided to just let him be and trust that it was just a guy thing I didn't understand but shouldn't take personally.   The compromise was that he basically had to hide all his goodies on his computer- basically to just not throw it in my face- the "ignorance is bliss" philosophy.  Well...  I innocently (I swear) stumbled accross some yesterday and holly hell did I have a fit.  (I might add that I'm pregnant with twins and currently look and feel like a beached whale).
He said that in his heart he didn't think he did anything wrong-  he didn't think he was a bad person and he didn't feel dirty about it- but he didn't want to cram his beliefs down my throat because he saw how badly it hurt me and nothing's worth that.   So...  my husband's a good guy.   I appreciated his gesture.  I'm struggling with it though because I wouldn't like him telling me what to do, I don't want to be a hypocriate.  Although I didn't ask him to get rid of it, I still feel like my fit is compromising his free will.   I really want to be ok with it.   I just don't know how to be ok with my husband's desire to look at hundreds of other naked women.  How do you not take that personally?  How do you not feel like you're not enough? 

So, I'm looking for opinions.  I know this is a sensitive topic for some people...  I'm not looking to start a flaming thread.  I just need some outside perspective.

Many thanks,

Nadya[/QUOTE]

Guys like attractive things.  As a guy I can say this, a naked lady is beautiful(especially if she has big tits.)  Guys like big titted women.  It is something I hope he doesn't watch before he goes to the bedroom. wink wink If he does, than it could be taken that he has to get aroused before he and you do your bedroom thing.  It is fun to watch but it has its place.  Hopefully your hubby isn't like one of my neighbors who was arrested for showing his kid porn.  Alot of men are into the visual thing.  We are into what attracts us.

Take a deeper look
1) Why was porn ok with you for 5 years?
2)  Did u agree to the porn before you were pregnant because you wanted to pacify (satisfy your husband)?
When deep down it wasn't ok? If it wasn't ok and you have been pretending that it was ok- then you should be honest with your husband.  Give him time. If he thinks you are telling him what to do that's only gonna make him want it more cuz guess what he's thinking this is my wife, not my mom so why do I need to hide this from her. He has hiden playboys from his mom (I'm sure)
3) Did or do you guys watch porn together?

If you were ok with the porn prior to your pregnacy, then its probably your hormones working overtime. If your OB
approves, you can be the same sexy lady you were before you got pregnant.  Often times when we become pregnant, and we gain weight, we become ashamed of our bodies-this is one time in your life you are purely beautiful !!!!- Look at your self in the mirror stark naked and see how beautiful you are.  I think pregnant women have a special glow-put a really cute dress on, your make-up (if u desire) fix your hair really cute and BO-Yah- You wont care about the size 0-2 sickly looking porn stars

I can empathize with you Being a woman that typically weighs 130-140 lbs I'm 5'2"and during pregnacy I gain approximately 80-90 lbs so ruffly by highest weight was 230lbs, but I never let that stop me from being amazingly cute everytime he walked through the door.  (3 pregnancies)

I guess the only difference between you and I would be that my partner and I watch porn together - either as a form of foreplay or for new ideas-and laughs. And I'm not offened if he watches it alone.

Remember men are visual beings they need 3 mins of foreplay and we need 3 days-LOL . They like confidence so here is a suggestion to spark things up and help with your confidence booster - Run you a nice warm bath have your husband bathe  and massage your entire body with a nice lotion - Its ok those are his children too- You are beautiful and you do not  need to let the cyber world take over your real world. He still loves you-you just need to feel the love-trust me he will enjoy it as much as you

Your performance in the bedroom does not dictate the type of mother you will be or are-Don't forget, consult your OB-