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6 years ago  ::  Aug 20, 2008 - 8:11AM #1
bob185
Posts: 125
I don't know if anyone can relate, but after being in a house with the kid's and wife and running around, I now find myself coming home from work to an empty apartment. I don't look forward to the weekends - it's like everything is in reverse.  There are times I just feel like giving up. Hope evryone else is doing OK. bob
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 20, 2008 - 8:27AM #2
soblessed3
Posts: 205
Can pick up a hobby? Reality is bob that you can not sit there in emptiness because you fail to exsist. You can not have your entire life be just about your wife and kids. You are co-dependant on the alcohol and your wife and kids. That's not healthy. When you are happy and find your way so will your kids. Find happiness somewhere but go look for it!!
Have you tried finding a church you like? Sometimes they have support groups that you  might find helpful.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 20, 2008 - 12:59PM #3
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Bob-
Loneliness is a sad situation sometimes, Bob, and so is a great life-change, like the absence of something you once were used to.  Many people lose family, sometimes 6' down, and they learn to cope, to go on.  You have an advantage over such as these, do you not?

However, solitude is something entirely different.

In solitude, reflection, and prayer, is where most folk find God, and learn that they are NEVER alone---unless that is their deepest desire.  As Paul put it, we are surrounded by a "great cloud of witnesses," as well as Acts 17:28, "This is God, in whom we live, and move, and have our Being."

Remember that thing about the mind being like a ship, and thought the rudder?  Steer your mind toward more profitable shores, Bob, and may you have fair breezes and clear skies to get you there.  As the journey progresses, consider what you would like to do when you arrive, and make at least tentative plans.

You can find friends of Bill W everywhere, if you look; you can engage yourself in anything your heart desires, unfettered by any obligations whatsoever.

Return thanks, Bob.

Always.

Personally, whenever I'm feeling particularly blue, I'll call up a bud and invite them to do whatever---go to a movie, watch a concert, have a barbecue, go fishin', whatever...and if they don't wanna or CAN'T go, I go by myself, and enjoy the activity, giving thanks for everything that comes my way, even when it's hard---like the knucklehead that cuts me off in traffic, or the dingbat who drives 15mph in a 25 zone, etc.---not that they are ACTUAL knuckleheads or dingbats, just that this is usually the first thought that comes to mind before I repent and think otherwise about these fellow children of God.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 20, 2008 - 7:39PM #4
bob185
Posts: 125
Again you're right Hatman - just used to having a woman by my side for so many years - now 50 - lived on the edge for a long time - but still a family man - can't fathom having to "split" holidays, birthdays, Hanakah, Christmas, and God forbid Thanksgiving - everything is sinking in and my ex-wife has moved on.  (Of course I am paying her) hard to get out of bed somedays - try to put on the game face, but just feel like moving on and starting over, yet I would NEVER move away from my kid's even though they are 20 & 18.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 20, 2008 - 9:10PM #5
dakota
Posts: 126
I'm praying for you Bob. I believe that once you get through this you will find a great new beginning. It's all up to you. Keep pushing ahead. Don't forget those meetings.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 21, 2008 - 8:18AM #6
bob185
Posts: 125
ok dakota  -  just get a knot in my stomach when my ex is out and particularily when she is dating - but if I look at it fairly, she put up with my drinking for a long time -  I suppose if I really love her, I should let it and her go  - it is so difficult - and I do resent supporting her lifestyle while I am in a dump. Got to think of my kids. How come when I pray I can't feel God - I know he is out there but sometimes feel I am not connecting   -  guess I have to meet him halfway. Bob
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 21, 2008 - 12:38PM #7
soblessed3
Posts: 205
Do you think alcoholics normally lose their family and live in a mansion? Seriously, what do you think would happen? She left because you are not bettering yourself and you still are not. Her point is proven and you just lie down like a dog and say "ok". Work on yourself. You have nothing but time.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 21, 2008 - 2:39PM #8
Hatman
Posts: 9,634

bob185 wrote:

ok dakota  -  just get a knot in my stomach when my ex is out and particularily when she is dating - but if I look at it fairly, she put up with my drinking for a long time -  I suppose if I really love her, I should let it and her go  - it is so difficult - and I do resent supporting her lifestyle while I am in a dump.



Understandable, Bob; if you're in effect paying her so that she can go see another man/men, that hurts to beat the band! 
[QUOTE]Got to think of my kids. [/QUOTE]

Amen, Bob; try to remember that the money is not going to support your ex's lifestyle, but to provide a roof, utilities, food, clothing, lessons, etc., for your children.

How come when I pray I can't feel God - I know he is out there but sometimes feel I am not connecting   -  guess I have to meet him halfway. Bob



It's hard to feel something that's always been there.  If you're of a scientific bent, you might enjoy the following article:  Brilliant DIsguise: Light, Matter, and the Zero Point Field.  In it, Bernard Haisch describes how Light can be Omnipresent yet invisible, and WHY it is invisible, too.

But I've found that it is only those who persevere in seeking, asking, and knocking that find, that get answers, and that have the doors opened.  In fact, every time I've set the intent of my heart to do better, I am IMMEDIATELY confronted with circumstances that test my resolve, like when I decided to quit cursing.  Hoo, boy.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 21, 2008 - 3:41PM #9
bob185
Posts: 125
soblessed - aside from the tough love, my family is my life - I worked hard for a long time - but yes suppose I am lying down like a dog - the thing is, I don't want to go out with other woman (at least right now) I have had opportunities, but I don't want to hurt anyone 'cause my mind and heart are just not there. The words keep haunting me that I hear from her and her family
"You had it all" They were right.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 21, 2008 - 9:40PM #10
dakota
Posts: 126
Well, you will never know if you had it all can happen again. It is possible that you could get it back when you work hard on yourself. Remember, she had years and years of hell. I do understand her side too. She has been hurt deeply and she is finally giving herself permission to try to be happy.

If you keep staying in your head with self pity and hurt feelings there is NO chance in hell that you will get her back. On the other hand, if she sees you becoming strong and confident and not being dependent on her for your happiness, it is possible that she would reconsider. I'm not saying she would definetlhy take you back but, I am saying there is a much better chance with this approach. You just may find that as you begin to heal without her, that you may find that you may not feel the need for her as much as you do right now.
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