Post Reply
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 9:53AM #1
soblessed3
Posts: 205
That is STBX (soon to be ex). He lies so much. It doesn't come as a surprise anymore honestly. I've accepted it. Well......I gave him my old cell phone because he smashed his and it fell open and dialed my number. So I listened to an hour conversation he had with some man. The first thing I heard was "hey man, come on in and grab a few beers"........proof right there. The sick part is he was driving. Just knowing my name is on a truck 50% that he drinks and drives with kills me. I worry for other people. I have already called their police dept and there is nothing I can do.

He already knows the two best friends I lost to alcoholism and he knows I hate his drinking. He has let himself go. I am not attracted to him what so ever. He no longer takes care of himself. He has this entire misconception that he is going to leave the town where he is at and him and I are going to get back together and have the family we should have had eight years ago. It's not going to happen.

As I listend to this conversation I heard a totally different person and it just confirmed I no longer want him. He sounded like a drunk. Sure he was happy in all his alcoholic glory but it should have been with us......not with some stranger, not while he was driving and not with alcohol. His three little kids are here. Four hours away hoping daddy is sober. I don't have the heart to tell them that their prayers are not being answered. Daddy is abusing his free will.

I have played over and over in my head what I am going to tell them when he is dead. Sometimes I think it would be better. Not for them but for me. It's so hard to see their hearts hurting. My son holds everything inside and won't tell his father how he feels. He loves that man and I hate that my son feels sorry for him. An eight year old boy feels sorry for a 46 year old man.

My husband used to be so handsome. Alcohol has made him look more like my father. I actually had guys laugh at us because he kissed me and they were grossed out saying things like "how did he get her" and "omg that's gross". If you saw me you would think I could get any man I wanted but I wanted him, a loser, a drunk. I have held on all this time in hopes he would see himself for who he was.

He's not going to change, he doesn't want to. When he knows another man (my ex boyfriend) is in pursuit then he starts with his lies of getting sober. Lies lies lies.

I am still married because I know he will die soon. I just see it coming. I live around him, he is not a part of my life nor my plans. I have given up all hopes for him, why not......he has.
Why believe in somebody who has no hope in himself.
All his "friends" are fake, they do not care for him. They just want his money and for him to buy them liquor. He's so stupid he doesn't realize that.

One day........it will all end. I just hope it's not someone else's life out there on the road.
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 2:24PM #2
sharon_bivens
Posts: 658
Wow!  I am so sorry for you and for your children.  It is hard to live a life walking on egg shells, isn't it?  Afraid every time the phone rings late at night?  Every time the door bell rings? 

It is impossible to turn the heart on and off, too.

What is the answer? 

Perhaps you need closure...for your own piece of mind.  So your children see this is not an acceptable way of living. 

Such deep pain!! 

God's blessings,

Sharon
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 2:26PM #3
sharon_bivens
Posts: 658
There has to be something you can do legally to get your name off of the truck. 
Hatman, Help!!!!!!
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 5:53PM #4
dakota
Posts: 126
I feel your pain. Does he know that you are leaving? I have been through all of this also. My finance" is finally getting it. After many times. You know after reading your words, I felt myself getting so angry. It never leaves us, I guess. It's always lurking even if they are working there program. I'm trying to work on me because, I find myself getting fearful that it might happen again, especially when I read posts like yours. I pray for you to have strength to do what is needed. Peace and love to you. Sheila
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 8:45PM #5
soblessed3
Posts: 205
All he knows is I do not love him anymore, I've wasted too many years and I think he is weak and everything about him is unattractive to me. We live apart so I don't really have to deal wtih him. There isn't any "pain" for me or the kids because we live and love and are very happy. He's just not included. If there is pain, it's his pain.

I don't understand why he is dying a slow death. For gawds sake, get it over with already.
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 9:05PM #6
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
Sharon-
The only way I know of would be to insist that the truck be refinanced only in his name.

If he refuses, the only other way I can think of would be to take him to small claims court with as much documented evidence of his drinking-while-driving as possible, and get the judge to ORDER him to do this...or sell the vehicle, or whatever.

As to the STBX, I honestly think that the only thing worse for children than being from a broken home is LIVING in one.

IOW, he's not taking you(soblessed) seriously enough, or doesn't believe you'll leave him, as evidenced by the "I'll get sober!  Honest I will" lies that start whenever he thinks there's competition for your affections.

In fact, if you DO have any hope of his restoration/redemption, the only way I can think of that might work is if his fear of losing you is greater than his love of alcohol.  So if I were you, I'd start planning a separation, at least. 

Find a friend or relative---hopefully, someone he doesn't know---that'd be willing to put you and the young'uns up for 4-6 weeks(just an arbitrary figure; obviously, this can vary with the situation).  Once you're gone and outta there, he can have some time to wonder what happened to you all, begin to miss you, get despondent and drink until he finally wakes up with the worst hangover anyone's ever had, covered in his own urine and vomit, more likely than not.

Depends on the kind of drunk he is, of course, as to how he'll react---but from my experience and observation, he greets every problem in his life and every joy in the same way---kill lots of brain cells asap.

But once it begins to dawn on him---usually in the 3 day--to one week period---that you're NOT coming back, then the begging and pleading(and lies) will start.  No doubt you've seen the cycle a few times.

However, when this begins, have a series of conditions already set in your mind, e.g. "Go to AA, get a sponsor, and  don't call me back until you call me with his phone number and I have a chance to talk with him."  From there, a plan could be formulated.

But as you probably know better than just about anyone here, you cannot change someone, you can only change yourself and how you choose to handle a situation.  So while it's definitely true that you can lead a horse to water but not make him drink, you CAN make him THIRSTY, which is the trick, I think---how to make him thirsty enough for you and his family that he's willing to do what's needed to man up and handle his responsibility to honor his vows and commitments over his selfish desires.

If you know of no friends or relatives willing to take on such an extended visit, then checking with some motels/B&B's for their rates, then begin to save your dough toward that goal.

I will keep you and your family lifted in prayer, held in the Light for good.

Ok, after reading your last post(which went up while I was writing this one), you can ignore most of what I said.  It appears that you two don't live together NOW, so obviously he doesn't care enough---or hasn't hit the bottom HARD enough---to be willing to take steps to heal himself, yet.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Aug 05, 2008 - 9:26PM #7
soblessed3
Posts: 205
He's apparently never hit rock bottom though I have seen what I would call rock bottom. He's in his own living hell. As for staying with family there is no need. I live in a home. He is not welcome to live here. He already  knows my stimpulations. He chooses not to do any of them. My pity ended years ago. I think this is more of a vent.

I am happy and if the right guy comes along........who knows......I might speed up the divorce process quicker. lol

The children are fine. He is very good with them. They know of his sickness. They know my job is to keep them safe and they respect me for it.

Thanks everyone.
Quick Reply
Cancel
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook