I have a lot of respect for those who decide that waiting until marriage is right for them, but it was not right for me. I was with my mate for nine months before I gave him my virginity and he gave me his, and we've now been together for four very successful years.

I have absolutely no regrets about it, it was the right decision at the right time, it was beautiful and enjoyable and memorable. It was sure a lot better than most first time stories I had heard! We talked about it well ahead of time, did our research and chose our birth control methods, and decided when and where. We made the decision while we were not caught up in the heat of the moment, so the decision was logical and well thought out. When the time came, we were prepared. And it all paid off.

I have issues with the way our society has painted people into a corner concerning sex and marriage. People who marry at 18 or 19 or 20 are called foolish, and carry around the stigma of marrying "too young" which can and sometimes does put undue strain on the marriage. It is seen as much more responsible to get married in mid to late 20s or early 30s. Yet, we are physically ready to start exploring our own sexuality at puberty, which is often around age 12 or 13. So someone who is "responsible" and gets married at 28 and who is also "responsible" and waits to have sex until marriage has been supressing his or her sexuality for 16 years by that point! That is not healthy, nor is it fair.

And it does not make sense to me that people considering marriage are encouraged to get to know one another as well as possible in every way except their sexuality, which they are told to hide completely. Sexuality is not the most important aspect of a person, but it is an important aspect. I think it makes more sense to get to know someone you intend to marry in every way, before committing yourself to them for life (at least officially).

I am grateful that I was raised with the attitude that sex is a natural, inherantly good thing, rather than a shameful thing to be hidden. I am also grateful that I was taught the truth about sex, disease, and contraception from the beginning, and encouraged to do my own research. That is how I intend to raise my children, should I have any. 

I do believe, however, that it is irresponsible to have sex unless you are capable of raising any children that might result. Birth control helps but there is always some risk, and I believe you accept that risk when you consent to having sex, within or outside of marriage. I believe this is equally true of both men and women.  Most 14 year olds are not capable of raising children, thus they should limit their sexual explorations to non-intercourse types of sex. I was just shy of 17 my first time, and though it would have been very difficult, I could have handled it if I had gotten pregnant.

~Stalker

[QUOTE=Tolerant Sis;653057]I think that sex is fine if both partners are ready and can consent both legally and emotionally to sex.  We lived together for two years before we got married and neither of us was a virgin when we initiated our relationship; we just passed our 25th wedding anniversary.  I doubt highly whether premarital sex has much to do with anything except whether both partners are feeling that they have agreed to a physical relationship.[/QUOTE]

Congrats! 25 yrs together, its a beautiful thing.

There are two different issues discussed in this thread.

One is pre-marital sex.

The other is pre-maturity sex.

After someone is grown up and living on their own and no longer dependent upon their parents, whether they choose to have sex before or after marriage is, IMO, purely a matter of ethical or religious choice.

But (almost all -- certain exceptions only prove the rule) teenagers shouldn't be having sex.   Sex is for grownups.

Certain religious traditions and faith communities believe in chastity, so your beliefs and values should decide your conduct, not your hormones.

(And FWIW, statistically, people who "live together" before marriage, have a higher rate of divorce.)

We waited until our wedding night and it was very special.  We both appreciate that there is no one on this planet that knows my husband like I do - and vise versa.  We are both Christians and it was part of both of our upbringing as was growing up with friends who made their lives very messy by having multiple children my multiple men before they were 20.  If anything, we wanted any children that we brought into the world to be born into our marriage, not out of it.