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Switch to Forum Live View Sex before marriage? If so or if not, why?
6 years ago  ::  Jul 25, 2008 - 2:49PM #1
Willowsmith
Posts: 40
I must admit this is more for pure curiosity. Personally I waited until my wedding night before I made love the first time. My reason was because I felt like it was the greatest gift I could give to my husband. Now it was not pleasant and most would say we were "incompatible" however I have found with time and work things are going great. My reasoning had nothing to do with religion although I know plenty do wait for just that reason, which to me is great. It just wasn't my reason. So, what are everyone else's feeling on the matter and why do you feel the way you do?
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 25, 2008 - 3:05PM #2
Sailorlal79
Posts: 1,365
I didn't wait. I feel like sex is part of falling in love, and it was part of my relationship. I don't have strong feelings about losing my virginity at all- it happened when it was supposed to happen.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 25, 2008 - 3:10PM #3
Evillynnstar
Posts: 531
I choose not to wait.  I was 17 when I first had sex and I dumped the guy a month later. I understood the differences between sex and love, even back then. Some people would say "how terrible!" but with their being a rape every 2 seconds in the USA, I figured I could have lost it against my will, (like several girls I knew) which I figured would be far worst than dumping or being dumped by this boy I was seeing. So I had my share of partners until I found my husband.
Virginity wasn't pushed on me. Neither of my parents were virgins when they married. Mind you they are now divorced. Still even my grandfather said "you gotta have a test drive before you buy the car." He and my grandmother were married from the mid 40s, until my grandmothers death in 2000.
I never planned on getting married. I wanted to be a career woman and maybe adopt an older child as a single mom. I considered maybe seeing someone long term, but I didn't want to marry. My personal beliefs don't have any moral issues with sex before marriage. So I really had nothing to hold me back. I used protection and stayed clean.
However at 22 I met my husband, we married four yrs later after we met. He wasn't a virgin, nor would date one. He and I feel that sexual connection was very important and neither of us wanted to deflower virgins.  I don't regret my sexual past. I'm grateful for it. I learned a lot both sexually and about different people. Everyone who choose this, often have their ups and downs, but the experiences is worth it in my opinion.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 26, 2008 - 1:50PM #4
MarleneEmmett5
Posts: 1,697
[QUOTE=Sailorlal79;648013]I didn't wait. I feel like sex is part of falling in love, and it was part of my relationship. I don't have strong feelings about losing my virginity at all- it happened when it was supposed to happen.[/QUOTE]
Sailorlal79:
I agree with you~when it is suppposed to happen it will happen~ it's all up to the girl/boy and if they can cope with
the changes that are happening to them as they are "growing up"
I could handle what was happening to me~ Three of my cousins who were "sheilded by their parents" ~went
to their marriage beds virgins~no way not me! I wanted to know what sex was "about"
I didn't go to my marriage bed asking loads of questions~infact, my husband and I lived together for six months
before we got married just to "get the kinks out first,so that we'd be able to begin our married life" free of the
stress that "first time sex with a couple wouldn't be there"~ it made things easier for us!!!
If I'd had a daughter or son when they would have turned 14 I would have given each a supply of condoms~and
told them that if they were going to have sex that they had to use these to "stay healthy,and to prevent disease"
I would rather me a parent who was informed about my child's sexlife~than to have my child having sex
with out pretection or my knowledge~ Parents can't stop their children from having sex before marriage~ if they
do they run the risk of "giving their children a complex about sex" and being uptight adults later in life!

When I was a teen I told one of my cousin's who "had been sheilded" ~Big mistake on my part.
I thought that my cousin "would keep her mouth shut~wrong, she ran to her mom and her mom told my mother!
This became a "bone of contention between us for many years"~now we joke about it!
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 5:27AM #5
BethK
Posts: 286
We waited until our wedding night and it was very special.  We both appreciate that there is no one on this planet that knows my husband like I do - and vise versa.  We are both Christians and it was part of both of our upbringing as was growing up with friends who made their lives very messy by having multiple children my multiple men before they were 20.  If anything, we wanted any children that we brought into the world to be born into our marriage, not out of it.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 9:58AM #6
Willowsmith
Posts: 40
Thank you all for your answers, for myself both my husband and I were virgins on our wedding night, we had moved in together 6 months before we got married also to "work the kinks out". However, sex was not a part of that, we also did as much question answering before hand as possible. As for growing up, my mother told me early on, "If you do have sex just let me know so that we can get contraceptives, as much as I want grandkids I prefer to know when they are coming first." It was my choice to wait until I was married for just the reason BethK mentioned. Only I know my husband and only he knows me, there are no  comparisons he alone has the gift of my virginity and I alone have the gift of his. Now he did not have to be a virgin for me to marry him, that was a happy bonus. :D
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 10:03AM #7
KatherineOrthodixie
Posts: 3,689
Certain religious traditions and faith communities believe in chastity, so your beliefs and values should decide your conduct, not your hormones.

(And FWIW, statistically, people who "live together" before marriage, have a higher rate of divorce.)
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 10:09AM #8
Evillynnstar
Posts: 531
[QUOTE=KatherineOrthodixie;652822]Certain religious traditions and faith communities believe in chastity, so your beliefs and values should decide your conduct, not your hormones.

(And FWIW, statistically, people who "live together" before marriage, have a higher rate of divorce.)[/QUOTE]

But have you ever wondered why?
If someone is so religious that they won't live with someone before they married, they usually too religious to have a divorce. I'm NOT saying that they don't, however they are less likely to. Even if the marriage turns out not to be a happy one.
Now for people who aren't religious they will live together and if things don't work out many choose to divorce. But I believe its more of a mind set than the living together.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 11:33AM #9
hortonthrockmorton
Posts: 3,497
There are two different issues discussed in this thread.

One is pre-marital sex.

The other is pre-maturity sex.

After someone is grown up and living on their own and no longer dependent upon their parents, whether they choose to have sex before or after marriage is, IMO, purely a matter of ethical or religious choice.

But (almost all -- certain exceptions only prove the rule) teenagers shouldn't be having sex.   Sex is for grownups.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 12:06PM #10
KatherineOrthodixie
Posts: 3,689
[QUOTE=Evillynnstar;652844]I believe its more of a mind set than the living together.[/QUOTE]

I would agree with you. The mind set about living together would be the contributing factor.
“The Law of the Church is to give oneself to what is given not to seek one’s own.” Fr. Alexander Schmemann
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