each day is a struggle - does it ever get better?

Yes.  That's what the struggle is FOR.

Warmest regards-

Hatman

Bob-
Well, I didn't mean to be quite so terse and uncaring-sounding; you will naturally have days when you feel stronger or weaker, and don't dump on yourself too badly when you are weak, either.

After all, an athlete in training goes through exercise AND rest, tearing of the muscles AND rebuilding, exhaustion AND power, before becoming well-trained; especially if your muscles have atrophied from long disuse, it will take time.

So, if necessary, take it one minute at a time; then to 10 min, then to half an hour, then to a morning, then to half a day, then to a whole day at a time.

I know that when I first quit smoking, I thought about it ALL the time, until I literally took my mind and forced it to be occupied with something else until the craving passed.

That took at least 3 years before I even trusted myself to hang out with people who still smoked, but it DID teach me that with determined pressure on the rudder, the mind CAN be turned---anywhere you want it to go, and especially, AWAY from anywhere you DON'T want it to go.

For music to sound good, it must have both notes AND rests---right?

Warmest regards-

Hatman