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Switch to Forum Live View Adult children of divorcing couples
7 years ago  ::  Nov 26, 2007 - 2:58AM #1
Rico
Posts: 4
Anyone got advice for someone in their 20's whos still living at home where the parents are splitting up?
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 26, 2007 - 11:12AM #2
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
Rico,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Board, and sorry for the pain in your family with the impending divorce of your parents.  It is sad that the end of a marriage can have such repercussions on children, who are innocent and yet hurting so much.

Perhaps you would be willing to express what you would like advice about.

All the best,

ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 26, 2007 - 3:45PM #3
sharon_bivens
Posts: 658
Just remember they both love you and their decision to part comes from their being human beings with feelings.  Sometimes, people's feelings just change. 

Stay neutral!!

God's blessings,

Sharon
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6 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2008 - 5:35PM #4
Enzo
Posts: 5
I was twenty when my parents almost split up, and it hurt me even then. It also left me bitter and estranged from them for several years. My advice is: don't let them involve you in the discussions. Tell them that you love them and support them, but stay out of the middle.

Are you living at home?

I would love to hear from you as I am in the middle of a separation and my daughter is 17 and my son is 13. Please let me know how this is affecting you. I am very concerned about them.
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4 years ago  ::  May 11, 2011 - 1:39PM #5
viv825
Posts: 2

hi,


i am new here and my parents are going though a separation the past 4 1/2 months now. dad has a girlfriend already. they were together 35 yrs. i am 34 yr old with 4 children of my own married for 15 yrs now. its not just hurting me but the grandchildren too. dad trying get my children and my self to meet the new women.but i am not sure that would be the right thing to do. my mother is a very controlling women she would make my life hell if i do. help! we don't live with her but she lives 5 min away and she started going to our church so my dad and his new girlfriend wont go there too. i know longer feel close to neither one of my parents. im try of their drama. is anyone feeling the same way? 

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4 years ago  ::  May 11, 2011 - 5:00PM #6
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407

viv825,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum. It is quite difficult when parents split up, even the "children" are adults, such as yourself. It's sad when parents put their children between themselves and make them "choose" one over the other, which seems to be the case here.

Somehow your choosing to meet your father's girlfriend or not is not something you have complete control of. On the one hand, it is natural to be very uncomfortable about that; on the other, it is unfortunate to not have your father in your life because of it. Somehow if you did decide to meet her, you are convinced that your mother would do something. I'm wondering what that might be.

Blessings,
Arnie

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4 years ago  ::  May 11, 2011 - 5:15PM #7
viv825
Posts: 2

she has told me that if i want to hurt her go and head and meet this women. my grandmother tries to get me to be one sides with my mom too. i can even go to church and pray comfortable because she is there too. she started going to our church when my dad left. my children don't feel comfortable. we have up coming parties that my children what them both there. but they are afraid my parent will make a scene. i don't know what to tell my children i feel so bad. 

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4 years ago  ::  May 11, 2011 - 6:14PM #8
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407

How do you feel about meeting your father's girlfriend?


It is understandable for your mom to feel hurt if that were to happen; however, it is not reasonable to expect you to make all your decisions based on how she will react.


I gather that the separation was your dad's idea not your mom's and that perhaps he had a relationship with this other woman before the separation.


You are caught between them, and no doubt want to have a relationship with both your mom and your dad. If this new woman has become a part of his life, it will be difficult to have a relationship with him without her somehow being included. Even without your mother's words, you are in an awkward position.


But it comes down to what you want (given the situation with your parents is what it is), since you are the one who makes choices for yourself.

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