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7 years ago  ::  Dec 04, 2007 - 10:06PM #31
jdlu
Posts: 6
I cannot relate totally to your situation, but after going through a divorce and going through a divorce recovery workshop I find that you have to follow your heart. It seems to me that your relationship is over. I think you need to be honest with your feelings and have a heart to heart talk with your husband and explain how and why you feel the way you do and what you intend to do about it. It would seem based on your post that you are ready to divorce. This is my suggestion as this is what happened to me by my ex. It made the ending a little less rocky in the sense that I was given some closure and explanation of what was going to happen and when. My ex asked for the divorce, but way before I knew it was over. I don't know if this will work for you or not, but I think after all that you have been through you deserve to be honest with yourself and make decisions about your marriage in your best interests. You did everything to make the marriage work (especially after you husband was with someone else) and now you have to take control. I just hope it works out for you with this other person. Be honest and open with him every step of the way and I think you will have a wonderful relationship to grow and nurture.
Good luck and to you.
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2007 - 9:24AM #32
Carolyn492
Posts: 7
Thank-you for all your adivce.  Princess, Your coments hit me hard and yes they are true.  My husband left me 10 years ago for six months.  When he asked me to come back I did and he told me never to bring it up again.  We never talk about serious stuff.  For sure there is no arguments but the golden link is missing.  When I say  I want to talk to him he gets very cold and does not really want to talk at all.  I do want to leave him everything.  All I want is my computer my cloths and my dog.  I use to have a great relationship will him.  I hardly remember the good times now.  He went to jail for 2 years and the man that came out of there is not mine.  He came back a bitter man that only thinks of himself.  God bless him I do understand him in a way but that is not reason for me to have a life of indifference and without love and understanding.
  I am leaving him a letter this morning to explain to him it is over.  I work night shift so I will not see him and he can not blame every thing in life my fault.  I as so sick of being put down and to be the soul problem of everything.I really can not take it anymore.  I have been crying like a baby for the last 2 months and I can not take it anymore.  IT seems he is just waiting for me to leave.  I am like a mother to him and him a son.  This is not a loving and healthy relationship.

Regards
Carolyn
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2007 - 9:56AM #33
princess0602
Posts: 271
Carolyn,

I wish you the very best of luck.  It sounds like you're approaching this situation in the only way you know how.  I think you're doing the right thing if you cannot have a conversation with him.  Be true and honest with yourself and everything will work itself out. 
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2007 - 10:47AM #34
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
Carolyn,

When you were asked to return and to never talk about or work through what had happened, somehow that was acceptable to you at the time.  Intimacy is about sharing ones innermost thoughts and feelings, and the feelings you had could not be shared, nor were his.  That is more damaging to a marriage than any infidelity, in my view, and it is that lack of emotional intimacy that has led to the feelings of loneliness that have been felt for so long, and perhaps why it felt like a flower blossoming when watered with the attention and sharing with the other man.

You have reached the point where you are now completely convinced the marriage is beyond any hope of saving, and the note is the only way you feel you can communicate that.  Although part of you feels compassion and  sadness for what happened in jail, you are at the point where you are not willing anymore to sacrifice your own happiness and remain in an unacceptable situation.

You are in my thoughts and prayers for the journey forward.

Blessings,
Arnie
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2007 - 10:59AM #35
shiloh43
Posts: 423
Goodluck carolyn. in whatever you do.
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