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11 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2007 - 4:18PM #1
Posts: 1
I am new to this online forum. So here is my story...

My husband and I dated for two years before we got married. I was 19 and he was 22. I was pregnant with our first child when we got married. After we got married we began to argue more because I found out he was talking to other women. Then I got pregnant with our second child. And things seemed to mellow out we bought a house and we got along. But towards the end of my pregnancy he started going out more we started arguing more. I will never forget our first wedding anniversary when he told me that he made a mistake in marrying me. It still makes me cry today.

So after I had my son, he filed for divorce in Oct. 2006 and I filed for legal separation to try to hold our marriage together which may have been mistake. Now hes deployed and the one year of legal separation is over. During this one year of being separated I have found pictures of him in bed with another woman and I just don't understand how he could leave me and say I don't care anymore.

Should I just sign the papers and let go or trying talking to him and getting him to realize he's making a mistake. Everyday I feel sad and don't what to do.
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11 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2007 - 5:08PM #2
Posts: 9,954
Yes, I think that signing the divorce papers and letting him go is the best thing to do IF---and ONLY if---the child-support/child visitation issues have been settled satisfactorily.

Slavery has been outlawed, so you cannot force someone to stay in a relationship that they do not want.  When only one half of a marriage wants it to work, sadly, this cannot be.

Who knows?  Perhaps in time, he will realize that he did make a terrible mistake in letting you go, and want to return.  Perhaps also, when he DOES come to his senses, he will find that you have already moved on and found another who DOES love and treasure you, who does NOT cheat on you and have sex with other women, who does NOT call you names and mistreat you.

[QUOTE]I just don't understand how he could leave me and say I don't care anymore.[/QUOTE]

It happens every day, and both men AND women do this to each other.  Only deep study of psychology can sometimes give hints as to why people act the way they do, and oftentimes, not even YEARS of study can reveal the real reasons.  You'll hurt yourself if you continue to obsess over the "why" of things, from my observation.  You must simply accept that it DID happen, and let him go; grieve as long as you need to for the dream of what your lives together might have been, but pull yourself together eventually and begin to date again, when you can.

Warmest regards-

"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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11 years ago  ::  Nov 19, 2007 - 6:05PM #3
Posts: 423
let him go, after all hes been gone for a year and you are used to it. let him go. but make sure you have child support, and visitation, in writing.
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