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6 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2007 - 1:17PM #11
qtbabe
Posts: 823

princess0602 wrote:

Hi QT,

I agree with DAH but of course I usually respect what he has to say.

My first impression is that your families have different cultural expectations. I am not sure if your husband is Asian as well but I think your mother may be viewing your divorce as a disgrace to the family. I don't know if she would carry out her threat but nontheless it was very threatening to you.

It must be very confusing for you to be expected to live up to a cultural expectation while receiving completely different messages from this culture.

I don't have any idea of the strife in your marriage that has led you to seek a divorce many times but I do understand your dilema. You also mentioned that you lived with your inlaws for most of your marriage. WOW that sure takes perserverence because I couldn't be with my inlaws for more that 4 hours without wanting to run away.

I understand the pressures our inlaws can place upon us. I was 21 when I met my ex-husband. He was 6 years my senior and already divorced. His former wife (also Asian) left their son with him and fled the area. My mother in law and sister in law expected me to step in and be mommy to this child. I didn't want to be a mommy at that time but I tried to comply. As most of you know, that decision and that relationship turned into a nightmare in the end but I felt the same pressures that you felt.

I have no quick answers for you right now because if you were of the same culture as me I would ask you to follow your heart. I do wish you a lot of luck and keep us posted as to your decision.

Love, peace and harmony,

Leah :)



Hi Leah,

Thanks for your thougths and comments....After 16yrs of marriage, I had recently 1 yr of happiness........I should count that 1 yr of being married instead.  I'm trying to let go of my mother in my relationship and learn what to do with as being a good mother for my sons....they'll have their relationship in 5 years or so.....

Thank you
QT:)

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6 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2007 - 1:20PM #12
qtbabe
Posts: 823

jaxx wrote:

For me, I just kept such things away from my parents. They had no need to know about who I was dating. I don't ask my mother who she is dating.

It sounds to me like you have some real parent problems there, especially with your mother and mother-in-law. Traditionally, the "wife" to mother-in-law is the family relationship with the greatest odds of having problems, followed by wife to her own mother.

I don't have much advice. I will say, to be polite but distant. Handle your own problems and let them handle theirs.

Thank you Jax....I think I like this advice of yours "to be polite but distant" That what I usually do....

Cheers!
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]QT:)
[/FONT]

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6 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2007 - 11:06AM #13
DAH54
Posts: 3,318
Hello QT, I have got the feeling you will not be happy with my thoughts. You come from a different culture than I do, with different expiations than I have and to ignore that would be foolish. Nor do I know where you live at, and the culture that you live in now.

My feelings are you have been emotionally abused, that you are a surviver of  abuse. That "QT" as a person has been discounted, and disrespected. You've been taught that you simply don't matter as much as "things" do. You've been taught to suppress emotions and feelings, that certain 'feelings' are wrong to feel and invalid. The threat of suicide is nothing more than emotional blackmail and manipulation, these are forms of abuse.

I believe that once you say I do, it's time for the parents to keep their opinions to themselves. You've started a new home, and in that new home you and your partner need to find your own way, work your own problems out together. The last thing one spouse needs is the other spouse and their parent ganging up together and attacking him, or her.

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6 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2007 - 11:57AM #14
DAH54
Posts: 3,318

qtbabe wrote:

Hi Dah,  PLEASE HELP>>>>

I spent all morning on writing response to Irene and posted it...and it turned out ...only one quote from Irene was posted.......and lost the rest......is there anyway I can recall that post? or I just lost it???? I spent an hour on it.....just thought I don't want to wast it ....

thanks
QT:)


Chances are with this system it is lost, but it maybe possible to use the back browser button (you'll need to press it multiple times to go far enough back to recover the post) to recover it. (my experience is generally it's not) Because Irene has a quote in her post it is breaking at that quote mark. Highlight all of any post and press CTRL-C (to copy) press submit Reply, and when it fails to post hit edit, when the parcial post appears highlight it and press CTRL-V to paste the original message over it. Then press submit/save and this time it **should** take. Hope that helps for anyone wishing to quote Irene.

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