Selling the house and changing churches helped a lot.  I also got a second dog. Attempts to date since the divorce, though have not gone well. It appears I am going to be so much more selective the second time around that now no one qualifies ... or if they do, my confidence is more than they can handle.

ArnieBeeGut wrote:

Perhaps you would be willing to talk about what helped you move on following the divorce - what worked and what didn't.

Main reason for our seperation was that we could no longer get along.  He had cheated several times over the last 10 years.  No matter how much i said i forgave him....i could never forget..  The anger became to much for me.  He also had issues with drug use...not real bad..but more then i could take.  I finally descided that i didnt want my 3 children growing up in that type of enviorment.  Did not want girls to think it was ok for men to treat you that way, or for son to think it was ok to treat girls that way.  Long story short....finally descided to end the life we had together.  He moved in with OW....and kids stayed with me.  Have to say though that we now have better relationship then we did before.  We talk all the time and are best of friends.  Believe that is better for us and the kids.

There are a variety of reasons, but perhaps the primary one is my now ex articulated that there are two groups of people in the world: 'family' and 'the outside world'. When I asked which group I was in, he said he was not really sure. (This was 12+ years after we met and nearly 9 years after we married.) When I tried to talk with him about what this was all about, he had some 'clever' passive-aggressive way of 'proving' that it really was my fault that he'd said any of this in the first place, so I shouldn't be upset with him. I filed for divorce about 2.5 years later. This was about 5 years ago.

[QUOTE=ncsearching;4544]I got divorced because my husband wanted it.

ncsearching,

Sorry to hear what has happened to you. Getting divorced through no choice of your own and with no obvious warning  is a very painful surprise. You were very attentive to the relationship down to planning the vacations. getaways and anniversaries while he would say everything is fine. It is very hard to all the sudden hear " I don't love you anymore".

I believe that the person that does the breaking up also feels a great deal of pain or loss. It does appear much easier for them because they already know why and have had time to plan what they are going to do with their life. For the one that is surprised it is like your whole life is being jerked right out from under you. It is very confusing , painful and can take a long time to heal. It does seem very cruel to not at least give the other person a chance to address and change what is hampering the relationship.

You sound like a very compassionate person that really cares in a relationship. You're just the ticket for the right lucky person out there.

You are in my prayers
HD

FoxtheRox,

Welcome to the Divorce Forum, and sorry for the pain you experienced in your marriage - both emotional and physical.  There are a lot of caring people here to interact with, and who would also benefit by your input and sharing.  We are still moving over from the old board, so some of the regulars may be awhile in coming!

Perhaps you would be willing to share some of the things that helped you move past that difficult time.

All the best,

ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce Forum