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Switch to Forum Live View Why did you get divorced?
7 years ago  ::  Dec 22, 2007 - 9:08AM #51
Adreamz
Posts: 37
Because ,after living with a man for 27 years ,it drained me emotional till I couldn't feel any more inside .
He was bi polar manic with rage sezuires and I accepted it long time trying so hard to be there with love and understanding and keep our marriage and family together with love and happiness ,that it became so hard always picking up the peices of our lives he destroyed during one his ragefull crashed in his phases of bi polar.
I felt he couldn't help it so many years because he was disabled but I now understand he at same time took advantage of his wife and children because he could get by with it .
During our 27 years of marriage he also cheated on me several times which I forgiven him and stayed with him due keeping the family together and feeling some where I failed in our marriage ,understanding now I didn't fail.
after 27 years inside feeling empty always being alone in my life ,just me and the children.
When they grew up ,I tried so hard keep the family strong
after some time I withdrew away from it all and isolated myself away from life .
then I knew inside me I will always care and love this man whom was my husband for so long
but I could not spend rest of my life with him any more and be happy
I felt it was my time now to see to my own happiness in my own self .
I offered alot of myself to this marriage that was used ,abused ,tossed away ,stepped on ,emotional stopped on several times and physical taken advantage of ,
How not so strong I really was but stupid to think only if I tried harder and educate myself more I could help him
no!! it was up to him to take that first step not me always doing it for him.
so I divorced
as that marriage was not meant to be .
from the start.
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 22, 2007 - 9:08AM #52
Adreamz
Posts: 37
Because ,after living with a man for 27 years ,it drained me emotional till I couldn't feel any more inside .
He was bi polar manic with rage sezuires and I accepted it long time trying so hard to be there with love and understanding and keep our marriage and family together with love and happiness ,that it became so hard always picking up the peices of our lives he destroyed during one his ragefull crashed in his phases of bi polar.
I felt he couldn't help it so many years because he was disabled but I now understand he at same time took advantage of his wife and children because he could get by with it .
During our 27 years of marriage he also cheated on me several times which I forgiven him and stayed with him due keeping the family together and feeling some where I failed in our marriage ,understanding now I didn't fail.
after 27 years inside feeling empty always being alone in my life ,just me and the children.
When they grew up ,I tried so hard keep the family strong
after some time I withdrew away from it all and isolated myself away from life .
then I knew inside me I will always care and love this man whom was my husband for so long
but I could not spend rest of my life with him any more and be happy
I felt it was my time now to see to my own happiness in my own self .
I offered alot of myself to this marriage that was used ,abused ,tossed away ,stepped on ,emotional stopped on several times and physical taken advantage of ,
How not so strong I really was but stupid to think only if I tried harder and educate myself more I could help him
no!! it was up to him to take that first step not me always doing it for him.
so I divorced
as that marriage was not meant to be .
from the start.
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 03, 2008 - 8:21AM #53
keesiewonder
Posts: 221
Superstar1219, In a great sense, yes, I did feel abandoned, alone. I felt I had to do both side of the relationship in order for it to work at all. When I was only doing my 50% that didn't go well either. Sorry I took so long to see your query to me.

superstar1219 wrote:

Going through a divorce, knowing my husband since I was 16yrs. of age., After 11yrs. of marriage, Come to find this very passive-aggressive behavior was only the beginning. I truly feel he has a narssictic Personality Disorder. The feelings of guilt still overwhelms me, espically since I met someone who made me see all things in my marriage throught a different set of eyes. Not by his opinon, but because emotionally I was completed abandoned, did it all on my own. Yes he was here physically, but not emotionally. Is that what it felt like, you know the constant guilt. Always thinking the best of them.

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7 years ago  ::  Feb 03, 2008 - 8:21AM #54
keesiewonder
Posts: 221
Superstar1219, In a great sense, yes, I did feel abandoned, alone. I felt I had to do both side of the relationship in order for it to work at all. When I was only doing my 50% that didn't go well either. Sorry I took so long to see your query to me.

superstar1219 wrote:

Going through a divorce, knowing my husband since I was 16yrs. of age., After 11yrs. of marriage, Come to find this very passive-aggressive behavior was only the beginning. I truly feel he has a narssictic Personality Disorder. The feelings of guilt still overwhelms me, espically since I met someone who made me see all things in my marriage throught a different set of eyes. Not by his opinon, but because emotionally I was completed abandoned, did it all on my own. Yes he was here physically, but not emotionally. Is that what it felt like, you know the constant guilt. Always thinking the best of them.

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7 years ago  ::  Feb 06, 2008 - 9:44AM #55
songbird3364
Posts: 1,177
Hi Smoothsable, Your question was why did you get divorced? Actually I am legally seperated and have been since April 2001. I haven't gotten a divorce yet because my ex-H left and I feel since he chose to leave that he should be theo one to get the divorce. I did immediatly get a legal divorce to protect myself and our then two children who have since become young adults. In the sep. agreement, I kept, home, property, vehicles, full custody of the kids and could live as a single woman and also had him agree to pay more child support than he had to based on his income. He also eventually came and helped me make necessary upgrades to the house to have it refianced and have his name taken off of the deed. This all from a man who claimed he didn't love me and had not been in love with me for five yrs. prior to leaving. Go figure, huh? I have tried very hard to be respectful to him in front of our two kids and have always welcomed him when he comes, made him feel welcome by cooking meals for him, remembering him on birthdays and holidays. He found out he had cancer in both lungs in 03' and had treatments for it and is in remission. He had a heart attack and his heart actually stopped beating for two minutes in 06' and I drove 6 hours to clean his home for him and help any way I could. He met an ER nurse during her hospital stay and within 2 months moved her and her two boys into his home. A yr or so later , I guess he realised that wasn't working and had her move out. He confuses me, he lives alone now, and seems to be content with the miles he's put between his kids and not ever spending holiday, or birthdays with them. He seems ok just having his new found friends in his life so it is what it is. peace, songbird
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 07, 2008 - 12:48PM #56
songbird3364
Posts: 1,177
I'm sorry, realised that I contradicted myself in that I said I did immediatly get legal divorce , meant to say legal seperation, but I hope readers understood this anyway. Hope everyone is doing well. peace, songbird
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 07, 2008 - 12:48PM #57
songbird3364
Posts: 1,177
I'm sorry, realised that I contradicted myself in that I said I did immediatly get legal divorce , meant to say legal seperation, but I hope readers understood this anyway. Hope everyone is doing well. peace, songbird
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 22, 2008 - 10:12AM #58
happyk68
Posts: 2
I am in the process of divorcing my husband due to his crack addiction. He has totally ruined us finacially, our home is in foreclosure, he stopped paying all of the bills that he was court ordered to pay and we have a child together. I woke up one day and understood that it was my duty as a mother to protect our son from this behavior. My husband must have 6 clean drug tests in 12 weeks to see our son again. Filed in June of 07 and still not finalized . Good luck to you all!!!!! Love, Kelly
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 23, 2008 - 10:06PM #59
yes50
Posts: 42
First my husband walked out on me just plain up and left, he came back in a week, and took his things and told me where I could shove everything else. At the time we were renting a home after selling our other one. I had to be out of the rented one in 1 month. We had rented it for 3 months.
Well, I had to get a full time job, I was working part time at the time, at night. I had to get a roof over my head,
So, abandonment was the reason, I was married 20 years, it was pure hell, going through the divorce. At court my ex husband wanted to kill me.  I got alimony,  God blessed me with a full time job a roof over my head.
Its been 7 years now and a long road, its still rocky at times. But if it were not for the Lord, I would have never made. it.   Oh, my ex husband was not a born again christian I  was. So, really we were domed from the start.

So, divorce has taught me how  to live on my own, rely on God more,  And I suprised my self by seeing that I can take care of myself.  Divorce, is a horrible thing to go through. And there is a very long road to  recover.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 26, 2008 - 9:53PM #60
mjrose514
Posts: 1
[QUOTE=ncsearching;34338]Yes Arnie,
I am also seeing that everyone has different reactions to things. I notice that some who were cheated on did the divorcing and some of us seem to be willing to put up with lots more and still don't want to divorce. I wonder how I changed from being one who had the attitude that I "would never put up with..." to where I am now - wishing to try again with one who has been so ugly to me.  Did the years wear away at the self esteem or was it ever real? Thats something I need to figure out.
And yes - you really got it - I do sometimes feel like I was asleep and woke up with everything upsidedown.[/QUOTE]

I'm going through the beginning stages of seperaption and divorce and I've only been married 5 months this coming week! But I've been wondering the same thing. How did I go from I will never put up with cheating and physical and mental abuse to keep letting it happen as long as he went ot go get help? I guess in the end we both decided not to since he wouldn't get help and has decided that his mistress is 'the one' as he even cheats on her. I know I should be grateful to get out early especially before kids, but I just feel like my life is crap and I couldn't even keep my husband for half a year. I know I'm young and have time, but I wanted to be a young family, i wanted a family and now I'm single, afraid of being evicted, with a pt low paying job and driving illegally because he got angry and took me off the insurance. how does anyone recover, how does anyone trust men or themselves again? how do you get over wanting them back even after everything and how do you may the crying stop? I know I need to trust in God, but what do i need to do?
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