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Sticky: Welcome to the Divorce Forum!
6 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2008 - 7:49PM #71
jaqkmq
Posts: 2
[QUOTE=dakota;755557]I would suggest counseling. If you won't go then at least go for yourself. My ex and I had the same thing at one time and believe me, if you dont work on the problem it will not go away. Counseling will help you imensley with your self esteem and the whys of why the affair happened.[/QUOTE]
He is willing to do anything to keep us together.  We do go to counseling but not every week like before.  Dakota, thank you - at least I know someone else had the same problems and its not just me.  He keeps saying he was stupid, he begs, crys, prays, and asks for forgiveness.  I told him I would try, and I owe it to him.  Right now, I will make an appointment for counseling on Friday.  I will keep you posted.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 11, 2008 - 10:23AM #72
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
jaqkmq,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum, and sorry for the pain in your marriage that brought you here.  Recovering from an affair can be difficult work, and perhaps paradoxically can often result in a couple experiencing even deeper intimacy and love than they ever have.  It does require the right kind of work, and it also requires the help of someone else - couples rarely can do the work by themselves.

Marriage counseling is sometimes effective, and sometimes not - it depends very much on the individual counselor.  Sometimes their own personal issues can interfere with a couple's healing process.

One program you might want to look into is Retrouvaille (http://www.retrouvaille.org/).  It differs from counseling in that you don't share your issues with anyone else, only with each other.  And yet it has proved effective in helping couples when counseling fails, especially in overcoming an infidelity.

I encourage you to start a discussion thread so members can more directly respond to you.  I look forward to your partipation on the forum, and wish you all the best in your marriage!

Blessings,
ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 25, 2008 - 10:13AM #73
marcellalc
Posts: 1
[QUOTE=ArnieBeeGut;137]Welcome to the Divorce Forum!  This is a place where those struggling with the pain of a hurting or troubled marriage can interact and share thoughts and feelings.  The pain of divorce is among the most difficult to deal with, and many here are struggling with deep pain.  Here some of that pain can be expressed and possibly released as members find their way towards healing.  By listening respectfully and giving constructive feedback, members can help each other as well as themselves.


Blessings,

ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce Forum[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the welcome.  I am in the midst of multiple struggles, with divorce near the top of the list.  I love my husband of 26 years, and we have two beautiful teenage girls.  However, due to a very long story (hard to summarize 26 years!), I am now in the process of filing for bankruptcy and then divorce.  I am also in an intense job search, and yesterday had no choice but to apply for state aid until I can get on a payroll.  My girls are having a very hard time (we moved from the only home that they have ever known about a year ago to another state across the country).  The primary issue on the divorce front is setting boundaries in a polite, civil, and compassionate manner that is still firm and clear.  Any thoughts?

Thanks so much, and I would greatly appreciate a prayer or two for my family
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 27, 2008 - 9:04PM #74
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
marcellalc,

May I offer a personal welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum.  I am so sorry for the pain in your marriage and for the financial struggles you have been dealing with.

There are many caring and compassionate members here to interact with.  Please consider starting your own thread to talk about your story and what you are going through.  Sometimes it helps just to write it down and have someone listen to it.

Boundaries and communication are two of the most important areas in an intimate relationship, and ones that most couples struggle with.  If there is a genuine desire on both your parts to have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship, then even if it seems impossible it is something that can be achieved with the right kind of work.  Couples can learn to communicate effectively with each other - and each spouse can learn to have firm but flexible boundaries that promote intimacy.  Learning boundaries is the greater challenge of course because it involves work one must do on oneself.  Please know that there are resources, both for individuals as well as for couples.

Blessings,
ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 05, 2008 - 8:49PM #75
PaulaG
Posts: 1
Hello, I am new to Beliefnet and this Divorce Forum. I am 31 yr old, live in the Black Hills area of South Dakota, have two wonderful little boys, and am getting divorced for a second time. The first time I was married was for a very short time, but was married to an abusive alcoholic man. Not the place I needed to be, so I left. I am right now in the divorce process hoping that things will be resolved very soon. I was married for 6 yrs to a very different person than I thought I was marrying. But I stayed and tried to work things out... Issues of control, mental abuse, irresponsible, forceful in many ways. I had my second son at the end of June. 4 days later I moved out of my home with the boys because my ex was not willing to help me heal from the c-section or to help take over some of the household things... Giving only went one way.

I have recently started going back to church. I am right now trying to find a church home for my boys and I. I am also starting to get help for my addictions with food and money. So my journey is in full swing at a high speed!!! Thank God for family and friends who give comfort and support when it is needed!!!

I look forward to getting to know you all!
Paula G.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 14, 2008 - 3:16PM #76
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
Paula,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum (belatedly), and sorry for the pain in your marriage that brought you here.  I hope you choose to stay for awhile and interact with the wonderful members here, all of whom have experienced difficulties in their marriages or relationships.  A good way to start is by creating your own thread and talking about your experiences.

It is difficult enough to be recovering from a C-section, dealing with a newborn as well as another child; to not receive the support you so needed at that time must have been so devastating.  Thankfully you are now on a path towards healing and wholeness.  May you continue so!

Blessings,
ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 08, 2008 - 1:10PM #77
jen_lc
Posts: 1
my husband and i have been seperated for almost two year but we still love each other very much.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 08, 2008 - 1:16PM #78
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
jen_lc,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum, and sorry for what has brought you here.  There are many caring members who are happy to give you feedback and share insights with you.

You can create your own thread to talk about your situation, and I hope you decide to do so, since it is an opportunity to focus the discussion on helping you.

Even though you and your husband still love each other, something is holding you back from reconciling.

Blessings,
ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2008 - 8:59PM #79
jstbeachy
Posts: 2
Hi, I'm new here. Thought this would be a good place to bend an ear or two and get advice when needed. I separated from my spouse 1 year ago because of his refusal to get help for his drug and sex addiction and his lack of financial support for our family . We have two children and he has not worked steadily for almost 4 years.  He was diagnosed Bipolar after I left and promised he was looking for work and had quit the drugs. But, sadly it's been one disappointment after another. I just wanted a better life for my children.  He is quite intelligent and could easily get work (I know times are hard, but there is something he could do). So as of now I struggle with no support. I don't want to be bitter and need to pray for himnto see the light so to speak.
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6 years ago  ::  Nov 26, 2008 - 5:03PM #80
ArnieBeeGut
Posts: 1,407
jstbeachy,

Welcome to the Divorce & Separation Forum, and sorry for what has brought you here.  There are many caring members who are happy to give advice and feedback.  The best way to tap into that is to start a thread that talks about what is going on for you and what kind of thoughts you would like to hear.

You say you have been separated for a year - are there plans to file for divorce?  Perhaps you are waiting for a change in him to facilitate a reconciliation.  Maybe you have an idea of what might happen that would help you make a decision about the way forward.

Blessings,
ArnieBeeGut
Beliefnet Community Host
Divorce & Separation
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