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Switch to Forum Live View Spanking Linked to Mental Illness, Says Study
2 years ago  ::  Jul 04, 2012 - 4:05AM #11
CharikIeia
Posts: 8,301

Jul 3, 2012 -- 5:39PM, Iwantamotto wrote:


There are worse things than spanking.  Forgive me if I feel those who cry over being spanked are whining.



One kind of abuse doesn't make another kind of abuse any less abusive.


It's parental responsibility to make children feel welcome in this world, and help them with the first steps on their way to find their selves and their place. Very often, this means just not putting and keep pushing demands on them - as if the child decided for having the parents, and were responsible for the parents' well-being - and not the other way round.


I agree that systematic psychological abuse can be much worse than spanking. The latter is merely an admission by parents that they have not very high qualifications for being a parent, they resort to dysfunctional measures because they lack alternatives, because they lack educational abilities. The former is a deliberate, premeditated assault on the child's self.

tl;dr
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2 years ago  ::  Jul 05, 2012 - 4:44PM #12
mytmouse57
Posts: 9,782

Jul 3, 2012 -- 5:39PM, Iwantamotto wrote:


I was spanked and I'm sane.  *twitch twitch*


:D


 


In all seriousness, though, any "issues" I have are from arbitrary abuse, not the spanking.  No, it was the beating, the threats of abandonment, etc.  I only rarely tap the butts of my labs, but I know their canine family would've had no problems with showing the kids the error of their ways.  At any rate, when I cry at night over memories of childhood, it's not the spanking that traumatizes, but the knowledge that I just didn't do it for my parents, who were hoping apparently for something else.


 


There are worse things than spanking.  Forgive me if I feel those who cry over being spanked are whining.




Dogs disipline their young by shaking them. Might be more effective than striking them.


 Anyway, I get what you're saying, and I'm sorry you parents were apparently so horrible to you. All people have faults, and my folks were no exception, but at least they adored me, and always let me know. 


My folks also applied some corporal punishment. And my Grandparents even more so.


I've had the somewhat unique perspective of parenting/co parenting over a relatively long span of time -- and still will be parenting for quite some time to come -- because my children/step-children are so widely spread out in age.


When I first began parenting, I was still in my 20s, far more hot-headed than I am now, far less apt to question family tradition --  and I did apply some spanking. 


I am now well into my 40s. And perhaps just by way of mellowing with age, but also by gaining knowledge and perspective, I no longer believe in spanking, and regret ever having done it.


My apporach to parenting the five-year-old in our household now is far different than my approach was when my now youg adult older children were that age. 


That's just my two cents. 

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2 years ago  ::  Jul 05, 2012 - 9:43PM #13
mountain_man
Posts: 39,704

Jul 5, 2012 -- 4:44PM, mytmouse57 wrote:

Dogs disipline their young by shaking them. Might be more effective than striking them.


The only problem with that is that we are not dogs. As humans we are supposed to be a bit more intelligent.

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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2 years ago  ::  Jul 05, 2012 - 9:59PM #14
mainecaptain
Posts: 21,786

Jul 5, 2012 -- 9:43PM, mountain_man wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 4:44PM, mytmouse57 wrote:

Dogs disipline their young by shaking them. Might be more effective than striking them.


The only problem with that is that we are not dogs. As humans we are supposed to be a bit more intelligent.




true, why would anyone seek a physical remedy? of course to use intelligence one must have some.....

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side. Aristotle
Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. Plato..
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives" Jackie Robinson
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2 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2012 - 10:08AM #15
mytmouse57
Posts: 9,782

Jul 5, 2012 -- 9:43PM, mountain_man wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 4:44PM, mytmouse57 wrote:

Dogs disipline their young by shaking them. Might be more effective than striking them.


The only problem with that is that we are not dogs. As humans we are supposed to be a bit more intelligent.




I brought that up only because she mentioned "spanking" her dogs. 


It has/had nothing to do with raising children. The rest of my post dealt with that. 

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2 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2012 - 10:23AM #16
Cesmom
Posts: 5,147

Jul 5, 2012 -- 9:59PM, mainecaptain wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 9:43PM, mountain_man wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 4:44PM, mytmouse57 wrote:

Dogs disipline their young by shaking them. Might be more effective than striking them.


The only problem with that is that we are not dogs. As humans we are supposed to be a bit more intelligent.




true, why would anyone seek a physical remedy? of course to use intelligence one must have some.....




I think that some people create a false connection between lack of any discipline and lack of physical discipline.


When you look at the world today, I think the younger generation (in general, not all) tends to have less respect for their elders.  How many times have you been in a grocery store and seen a child throwing a fit or actually yelling at or hitting their parents and think, "That would have never been tolerated by my parents."  


So, people make this false connection...less parents spank their kids nowadays, and there seems to be worse and worse behavior coming from kids these days, so that must be why.  But, it's not why.  The reason we have so many out of control kids has nothing to do with lack of physical discipline, it has to do with lack of any consistent discipline at all.  


People who think spanking is the only way to control a child's behavior should try taking the time to be consistent with any other form of discipline.  Too many parents are too lazy to put forth the effort.

Our need to learn should always outweigh our need to be right

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

More people would learn from their mistakes if they weren't so busy denying them.
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2 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2012 - 10:26AM #17
mytmouse57
Posts: 9,782

Jul 6, 2012 -- 10:23AM, Cesmom wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 9:59PM, mainecaptain wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 9:43PM, mountain_man wrote:


Jul 5, 2012 -- 4:44PM, mytmouse57 wrote:

Dogs disipline their young by shaking them. Might be more effective than striking them.


The only problem with that is that we are not dogs. As humans we are supposed to be a bit more intelligent.




true, why would anyone seek a physical remedy? of course to use intelligence one must have some.....




I think that some people create a false connection between lack of any discipline and lack of physical discipline.


When you look at the world today, I think the younger generation (in general, not all) tends to have less respect for their elders.  How many times have you been in a grocery store and seen a child throwing a fit or actually yelling at or hitting their parents and think, "That would have never been tolerated by my parents."  


So, people make this false connection...less parents spank their kids nowadays, and there seems to be worse and worse behavior coming from kids these days, so that must be why.  But, it's not why.  The reason we have so many out of control kids has nothing to do with lack of physical discipline, it has to do with lack of any consistent discipline at all.  


People who think spanking is the only way to control a child's behavior should try taking the time to be consistent with any other form of discipline.  Too many parents are too lazy to put forth the effort.




That, and we live in a world of instant gratification.


Kids, practically literally, have everything handed to them. 

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2 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2012 - 1:21PM #18
Stardove
Posts: 15,552

The Medical Adviser (Doctor) at the local DBSA group told us that we all have what he called stroke tanks.  We have a positive and a negative stroke tank.  (RIP Dr. Sam).


Depending on which tank get filled the most as children does make a difference in mental illness according to the doctor.


He wasn't talking about just spanking, but all kinds of abuse.  He would say the more abuse as a child the fuller the negative tank gets, and the person was more likely to have bipolar or depression as a result of being abused as a child.


For those lucky enough to have their positive tank filled they might not have a mental illness. 


Mental illness can be an inherited illness.  There is something to genetics when dealing with mental health. 


What Causes Mental Illness?

Although the exact cause of most mental illnesses is not known, it is becoming clear through research that many of these conditions are caused by a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors -- not personal weakness or a character defect -- and recovery from a mental illness is not simply a matter of will and self-discipline.

Heredity (genetics): Many mental illnesses run in families, suggesting they may be passed on from parents to children through genes. Genes contain instructions for the function of each cell in the body and are responsible for how we look, act, think, etc. However, just because your mother or father may have or had a mental illness doesn't mean you will have one. Hereditary just means that you are more likely to get the condition than if you didn't have an affected family member. Experts believe that many mental conditions are linked to problems in multiple genes -- not just one, as with many diseases -- which is why a person inherits a susceptibility to a mental disorder but doesn't always develop the condition. The disorder itself occurs from the interaction of these genes and other factors -- such as psychological trauma and environmental stressors -- which can influence, or trigger, the illness in a person who has inherited a susceptibility to it.


More information about mental illness/health at link.

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2 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2012 - 9:29PM #19
mountain_man
Posts: 39,704

Jul 6, 2012 -- 10:23AM, Cesmom wrote:

....People who think spanking is the only way to control a child's behavior should try taking the time to be consistent with any other form of discipline.  Too many parents are too lazy to put forth the effort.


You got that right! What's even harder and takes more time and effort is rewarding good behavior. The results are awesome though.

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

I am a Humanist. I believe in a rational philosophy of life, informed by science, inspired by art, and motivated by a desire to do good for its own sake and not by an expectation of a reward or fear of punishment in an afterlife.
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2 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2012 - 9:42PM #20
arielg
Posts: 9,116

Reward good behavior and  punish wrong behavior.  They go together. That is the way to educate a  dog, a child a bird or whatever.  There are all kinds of punishments. They should not be jumbled all together. 


 Spanking may be the right thing to do in  extreme situations. But if  it gets to that, the battle was probably lost already. Trying to come up with a fixed approach is not very smart.

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