Post Reply
3 years ago  ::  Oct 24, 2011 - 7:53AM #1
jesusfreakgal
Posts: 937
When a 'child's' parents are paying for one's wedding, what rights do you believe those parents have? Aside from cost and deciding in the end to not pay for the wedding, I don't believe those parents should have the right to dictate where the wedding should be, when it should be, what the food should  be and the colour scheme, and what the brides maids should wear, and the bride, and the music and if there is dancing or a first dance, or the guest list or who the brides maides and maide of honour should be and so on. Not that she was paying, but I remember reading Dear Prudence once where someone had written in saying that her to be mother in law was demanding (pretty much) that the wedding cake be chocolate, and when the bride, not really liking chocolate make, said so, the mother in law pretty much said that it essentially was not about (her the bride), that it was about the guests. Well if there was no bride and groom, there would be no wedding or a need of a wedding cake. I think that it is fair the include the paying persons (outside the couple getting married) in the wedding decisions, but they should not be allowed to dictate the couples wedding. Thoughts?
JFG
Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Oct 27, 2011 - 2:05PM #2
Bob_the_Lunatic
Posts: 3,458

First of all-anyone who adheres to the thinking that the bride's parents should pay is outdated and sexist.  This is a modern day dowry and should die with the stupid ideas it was born from.  This also indicates any notion of "who gives this woman away" could only refer to a woman who cannot think for herself-or she wouldn't allow herself to be called property of one man, given to another.



That said-frankly the input of the payor would logically be very strong.  If the other parents don't like it - obviously they should chip in and THEN offer suggestions.  I would expect the bride and groom's tastes to be respected.  But if they are not respected, then perhaps they should take control which of course means pay for it themselves.  There's nothing wrong with a small intimate wedding the way you want it.  The bigger it is, the more likely a fiasco.  

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Nov 01, 2011 - 10:14AM #3
jesusfreakgal
Posts: 937

I don't thik that the brides parents should pay for the wedding, at least not in the sense that they should be expected to. But if the brides parents or the grooms parents or both or whatever offer to pay, I don't think the bride and groom should look at it as 'well these are modern times, even if mom and dad want to pay they can't because we MUST pay for it ourselves.' If the couple want to except an offer from whoever (parents, or even grandparents) to pay for their wedding, they should have the right to. My point was that I don't believe that the paying person(s), aside from the couple getting married, should have the right to dictate everything for the wedding. That is they should not have the attitude of 'I'm paying so I will pick everything (food, location, music, dance or no dance, alcohol or not/ open bar or not, brides dress, groom's tucks, bridesmaids/ grooms men wear, who the bridesmaids and groomsmen will be, flowers, colour scheme, the cake, etc). This would just create a huge problem, IMO. It is fair for the paying person to set limits, like either 'we are willing to spend a total of x, now you can plan your wedding however you want within that budget' or they can go with the bride/ groom to get/ decide on things and let them make whatever choice they want within whatever budget they want to have. I honestly feel that some parents mainly want to pay for their child's wedding so they can have some control over it (have a lot more of a say then they would have if fhtey did not pay for it), and that is not right, IMO.


JFG

Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Nov 05, 2011 - 5:11PM #4
Cuileann
Posts: 9

Money comes with strings. I know that's how it worked with my wedding - my parents  paid for 90% of it and they had a lot of input, including the guest list, though for the most part it was helpful input.



It would be a jerk move for parents to suck all the fun out of the wedding by dictating colors, food, that sort of thing, but if they are the ones paying for it, they have the power to do that if they want to. If parents are being too controlling over the wedding, the easiest way to take that power away from them is to politely decline the money and let then the couple doesn't owe anyone anything. I've been to a lot of small weddings put together on a dime and I love them - the atmospere is less formal, the ceremony is often much more intimate and receptions are usually fun and very in tune with what the couple wants. 

Quick Reply
Cancel
2 years ago  ::  Sep 26, 2012 - 12:13PM #5
klm
Posts: 520

I think the bride and grooms wishes should be considered 1st, unless they are something that would cause embaressment to the parents even if the parents are paying.    One would hope that parents and the couple would be mature enough to decide whats important.  THe flavor of the cake.  For Gods sake,  its a once in a lifetime event for the bride.   The mother in law should back down.   For something that small to be making an issue out of I wonder what the future will hold for the bride.  


 

Quick Reply
Cancel
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook