JFG, Thank you for your well thought out reply. You seem to have thoroughly absorbed every point about my circumstances. Yes, if the child were a boy that would present issues, as my 2 sons share a room now and my daughter is in her own room. My husband did bring up the possibility of a room addition in the future. However, the child-whether girl or boy would be in a crib in our room until he or she is probably 2 or so years old. That was the routine with my other kids. I have indeed considered the possibility of twins. It becomes more common in 40+ moms. Also, there are 3 sets of twins in my family. As for college planning: I have already paid for 4 years via our state prepaid college plan for my oldest 2, and I am about halfway done paying the same for my youngest. That would be my plan for any additional child(ren). This factors significantly into your advice about financial considerations. Since I have made the original post I have thought more about the fact that I would be about 60 when this child graduates high school and other long term effects rather than the immediate things that would occur (i.e. getting up in the night for feedings and such). I have considered more the things that would occur many years from now.That makes me feel a bit tired and hesitant. Not sure it would be fair to the child. But, thanks again all the same.
My mom had my brother (her 4th child) when she was 40, and he is 100% fine (he was a surprise). My suggestion, is this. If it is possible to find out what sort of ricks there are for YOU (at this age) that would potentially making having another child dangerous, and how serious, for you, these risks are, that might be a good idea. Not sure if there is a way to know though. I've known people to have kids, and YEARS later, they adopt. One family I know I believe has three biological children, possibly all like 20+ with a 5 or 6 year old adopted daughter. Although you probably already have, you should consider how this will effect your future plans, such as if you plan on going back to work, and when you had planned on retiring, and more importantly how this might effect things, such as assisting your current children with university/ college. Not to say that if having another child would mean you couldn't help your anymore if they did end up choosing to go to university. Its a bit harder with your oldest only being 14. One thing you said made it sound like three kids would be sharing a room. Does this include the 14 year old? That might be why he, even minimly doesn't like the idea (if the baby happened to be a boy) And what does this mean for him, if the baby wakes him up every night? Even though its not fair to say to you 'well the baby might wake up your 14 year old if they have to share a room, so reconsider the idea", but at the same time it wouldn't be fair for him either. I remember when my brother was born, my parents VERY much so considered moving. Since my parents couldn't agree on a house, and my sisters and I didn't really want to move, they did a renevation/ addition to the house. I think you should really think hard about it. If you can't afford a bigger house, it would not be totally fair (IMO) to squeeze a third child in one bedroom. Its one thing if it was just your 5 (maybe then 6) year old child who was gonna share the room. Sorry if I sound like I am critisizing the idea. I am NOT! Also consider this. While it would be rare, would you be able to handle, afford (afford as in afford the child, and afford to have to create more space/ move), or have the space for twins?
Don't know that the topic is boring. It's one thing to take a minute out of your day to air an opinion and then forget all about it, and another thing entirely to take the RESPONSIBILITY of making an informed opinion that somebody just MIGHT follow.
Your husband appears to support you. You son appears lukewarm, but, then again, he's at that age where a lukewarm response is what the "cool" kids do. Let him know HIS opinion is valuable to you. Financially speaking, are you set so another child wouldn't be a hardship.?
You have the advantage of having "been there and done that" as regards to being a parent. On the other hand, you're looking to be a parent into your 60's. As an older parent your child has a slighhtly elevated risk for disabilities.
Again, I'm sure you are aware of these. It's really a family decision between your spouse and you. Again, I'm sure you will choose wisely.
Yes-I agree with you in the fact that while a number of people read, no one replied. Maybe a dull topic? Maybe no one had any advice to give or had experienced what I was describing. Thank you for your brief, yet wise advice. I am still mulling it over. Will keep checking for other replies.
I am returning to beliefnet after a long time. I am not sure this is the correct forum, but will go ahead. Briefly, I am 41, have been married 17 years, 3 kids: son 14, daughter 10, son 5. I work full time as a nurse. My husband owns his own business. We have a comfortable living, but are not wealthy. As my youngest is getting ready to start school I have been thinking a lot lately of having a 4th child. I am posting to get input from others in my situation who are either thinking of it just as I am, from those who had the same urge and jumped in and conceived again, and from those who had the urge to have another baby, but ignored the urges. I have discussed it with my husband and kids. Everyone seems game, except the 14 year old, but he has no strong opinion one way or the other. However, my husband has said it is up to me since the choice affects me more(i.e. physical effects of pregnancy and the massive demands of a new baby in the house that the mom deals with most-such as breastfeeding, plus the fact that I would have to return to work). I sincerely beleive that whatever choice I make he is OK with it. I do know that if I became pregnant again I would not do any sort of genetic testing. Because of my personal beliefs, I would not opt to terminate a pregnancy, thus I would not do testing. I am well aware of the increased risk for problems and that is a big reason I hesitate. That and the massive sleep deprivation that a newborn brings, and a potentially cramped bedroom if I had a 3rd boy. But, I will be 42 in December, so I feel I need to make a choice soon and be at peace with it. Anyone out there in or have been in a similar situation who wishes to discuss it? Thanks.
