Trustworthy teens...no, they should only be periodically "snooped" on. I have been working with teens for 18 years as a teacher and I know that there are some who really are trustworthy. Others, however, can cause unspeakable harm to themselves and others if left to their own devices. I feel both as a parent of teens and a teacher, that it is the teenager who must prove herself to be trustworthy and that requires (at least in the beginning) some level of transparency. As was previously shared, I am responsible for the safety and all legal issues pertaining to my children. I must, at times, exercise a benevolent dictatorship of sorts in order to assess how they are living their social lives. I am their parent, not their cool best friend. Sometimes that means I have to be very unpopular.
I live a good life BUT when my childs behavior/actions are disrupting my life. I as mom have EVERY RIGHT to step in!!!!! To protect her and myself and the rest of the family.
"OH, these drugs are not mine," is an excuse that cops don't buy, so why should you?
Such legalism over the wording of my mandates would get bulldozed right over in my house.
Bringing drugs into the house is a SERIOUS breech of trust no matter what, and the parent will be held JUST as responsible by law enforcement for any illegal drugs found in their home, regardless whether the child is using or "just holding them for someone else."
And should be dealt with by the parent just as severely...
I largely agree with you. If your child is/ could be engaging in behaviours that you do not know about, that could get you in trouble with the law, allowing them the right to privacy to the extent that an adult should have, then you should have the right to 'violate' their privacy. On the other hand, if you believe a child is engaging in some bad behaviour, such as drinking or drugs (particularly if you believe they are hiding stuff in the house/ their room), snooping to only find out that that isn't true (more then just NOT finding any drugs and/ or alcohol in their room), could result in ones child not trusting that parent any longer. When I was in high school, I thankfully have friends, who although they were pot smokers, never asked me to hold onto their pot for them (in fact, they were smart enough to know not to offer me any, as I would have said no anyway). I think, only for the cases where the child really isn't doing drugs or whatever, but is 'holding' it/ them for their friend(s), it might be a good idea, when you set the rule of 'no drugs in the house' to include drugs that are not theirs. Smart children/ teens might understand you mean that even if you do not say so. But I feel that some teens/ children might have the attitude of 'but its not mine, I am NOT actually a drug user' (if that IS the case). And no one who is truly your child's friend should actually expect that person to 'hold' their drugs for them.
I believe that teens definitely deserve the right to freedom. I feel that teens should start out with a certain amount of freedom and then it goes from there. If they do things to warrent or deserve more freedom, they should gain some. If they do things to warrent or deserve less freedom, they should receive that as well. I generally do not think it is a good idea to snoop on ones child, including checking out the teen's facebook page (MAYBE only once in a while if at all, unless you are on each others facebook), and check the text messages and the like. If, nowever, the teen has proven themself to be untrustworthy, then I think checking out that teen's facebook page or text messages, more then just the once in a while, since their may be a good reason to do so. But if that teen cleans themselves up and begins to prove themselves trustworthy again, then to treat them as though they are still untrustworthy could backfire IMO. JFG
