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Switch to Forum Live View Phone vs Internet - which is a suitable punishment?
5 years ago  ::  Mar 31, 2009 - 4:19PM #1
smoothsable
Posts: 85

I found myself chuckling a little while ago when the middle child who lives upstairs came home from school in a huff announcing that she was angry. I asked what was up and she said that her dad had turned off her cell phone because she'd failed her Biology class.


I didn't think that was such an awful punishment. What made me laugh was when she said that she'd have preferred he shut off her access to the internet. So then of course I'm thinking to myself hmmm - seems to me shutting off the cell phone seems more logical from a parental viewpoint since restricting access to the internet means even less homework would be getting done.  These kids today don't know how lucky they are. When I went to high school there was no cell phone, nor internet. And punishment for failing a class meant you came home from school and stayed - home - or at the library studying!


*goes off laughing*

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5 years ago  ::  Mar 31, 2009 - 9:04PM #2
VG59
Posts: 3,368

LOL, many of our kids (mine is included) are very indulged and do not know how lucky they are.


If grades drop here it isn't just the phone it is the internet and the TV and home bound except for going to hockey.


Yep it is all pulled.  We don't pull hockey because he needs the outlet and we pay too much for it to pull it.  However, to play on the team he wishes next fall depends on the grade card results in June.  I say he wishes because it is an elite team which is expensive.  For that privelege, a high GPA is imperative. 


Grades are a priority.  And we are talking keeping the GPA up above 3.5.  Midterm checks usually help us in pulling the privelege plug early and rectifying the grades.


3.5 for my kid is reasonable.  If I had a kid that was seriously struggling, I'd set the meter at a different level.  Each kid is different and each parent will wisely set the meter.


Ours is on a one week time out from his cellular device.  The infraction, he went over his minutes for the third time in three months.  Can anyone believe a BOY could have nearly 8,000 instant messages????? 


We have a few revisions to do.  LOL 

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5 years ago  ::  Apr 07, 2009 - 4:02PM #3
jesusfreakgal
Posts: 938

I think that punishment is not unfair, unless the cell phone was primarily used as a means of contact between your daughter and urself/ father. Even then it might have been good still. I wonder sort of though why she failed. Although I doubt it, if she had tried in biology and yet still somehow failed, then, and only then, would the punishment be unfair. I remembert when I took grade 11 biology. I truly tried in the class but ended up only getting 50% (a passing grade). I think, since you know she failed, that from now on (at the very least) for biology you should get her to show you all her grades for the class (tests and assignments) so you can make sure she is passing and if there is a problem, ensure that she gets help.


JFG

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5 years ago  ::  Apr 07, 2009 - 7:19PM #4
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

Here the schools send home a mid-term report.  So, I get to see the damage in time to save the little lazy bum from failing.  I say lazy bum because my 11 year old gets low grades because she gets lazy.


Example:  In 4th grade, her midterm writing grade was a "D", 68 (almost a D-).  She hated her writing teacher and just didn't what the teacher wanted.  I went OOFFFFFF.  I explained just how desolate her life would be if she did not bring the grade up... no phone (house OR cell),  internet for homework ONLY, no friends in, no going out to play, in from school to her room no exit from room except for potty and dinner.  By the end of the term, 4.5 weeks later, she had a 97.    That told me she was just lazy.


My oldest has never been a problem.  She strives to do her best at school all the time.

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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5 years ago  ::  Apr 08, 2009 - 1:09AM #5
VG59
Posts: 3,368

Sometimes kids need a bit of a torch under those hind ends to keep them with the program. 


Most parents are pretty good at knowing what their kids are capable of and putting on the appropriate amount of pressure to prod them to that capability. 


I am all for torches when they need them.

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5 years ago  ::  Apr 08, 2009 - 9:04AM #6
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

Yep, Val.  If a "D" was all she could do, that would be acceptable.  But she does too well in other classes for me to believe that a writing class could be that much trouble.


 

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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5 years ago  ::  Apr 14, 2009 - 6:15AM #7
smoothsable
Posts: 85

Well in this instance taking the cell phone away was a good thing. She immediately started doing better in class and admitted that she was just being lazy.

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5 years ago  ::  May 03, 2009 - 12:33PM #8
Evillynnstar
Posts: 531

I don't like the trend that's going on with cell phones. Its horrible. When I have children one big rule will be, no cell phones, unless the child buys it their self and pays the bill or mins. I will give my kids the basic cell phone that only allows callings going in or out to certain numbers. Ie.... mom, dad, grandma, etc... In my opinion kids don't need anything more than that. If they really want to have a phone let them get it on their own. It'll also teach them the responsibility of earning something and maintaining it. I have a family member who's daughter ran up $800 on her cell. Just by texting!


 


Your right about that girl who lives upstairs. She most likely wants to text during class than do her studies. I'm so glad I gradutated just before kids in my area started getting cell phones.

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5 years ago  ::  May 03, 2009 - 3:14PM #9
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277

My kids understand the value of their phones.   It's not necessary to deprive children of something to make them appreciate it.


They do not text in school.  My 11 year old doesn't even take hers to school.  My oldest does because she has an IPhone and they are allowed to use their phones, ipods, etc during their lunch period, and there have been several times that she used it to call me after school to let a bus driver know that, "Yes, it is ok for Marti to ride the bus home with Haley"...


My daughter's school confiscates phones from kids who break the rules.  There are roughly 600 in the high school... 3 phones have been confiscated this year.  I think those who talk about how "bad" kids are with them are not giving today's kids the benefit of the doubt, and I'm very glad that my parents trusted me more than you trust your kids.  It taught me to trust my kids.


If we don't show them we trust them with responsibility we will lose them.


Oh, and it's not just "kids" who run up stupid phone bills.  My brother's 25 year old daughter ran up an $800 bill with texting.  My kids have are far more responsible than her, and my kids are 10 and 14 years younger than her.  We have 700 minutes a month and every single month at least 300 minutes will go into our rollover account (AT&T).  We lose more minutes from non use than my kids have ever used.


Teach your kids that you don't trust them and they will be untrustworthy.

James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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5 years ago  ::  May 06, 2009 - 4:26PM #10
Evillynnstar
Posts: 531
TM I wish to merely politely go over a few things if I may. I would like to clear up any misunderstandings. I myself am not a mother yet. My husband and I have chosen to wait a while. However I'm around a lot of teens. I have two baby brothers who are still in HS (16 and 17.) Between my brothers, their friends and the medieval group I'm involved in, I have had both the pleasure and displeasure of knowing many teenagers throughout my area.

My kids understand the value of their phones.   It's not necessary to deprive children of something to make them appreciate it.


I'm not saying deprive them of it. If that were the case I would simply not allow my children to have one or only the basic one. I just simply feel my children should earn it.


They do not text in school.  My 11 year old doesn't even take hers to school.  My oldest does because she has an IPhone and they are allowed to use their phones, ipods, etc during their lunch period, and there have been several times that she used it to call me after school to let a bus driver know that, "Yes, it is ok for Marti to ride the bus home with Haley"...

That is wonderful! I'm glad you have such well behaved daughters. My youngest brother is good like that. He brings it to school with him but turns it off until school is out. However many of the kids in his school don't follow his example. They aren't bad kids. But many don't care if they loose their phone at school, because they'll either get it back or their parents will/have bought them new ones.



My daughter's school confiscates phones from kids who break the rules.  There are roughly 600 in the high school... 3 phones have been confiscated this year.  I think those who talk about how "bad" kids are with them are not giving today's kids the benefit of the doubt, and I'm very glad that my parents trusted me more than you trust your kids.  

They do that at the schools here. But the kids are very sneaky and know I its been a problem at many HS/MS. Your children go to a relativity small school compare to my area. I know we had well over a thousand kids in my graduating class alone. The school is now much bigger. After I grad. the school started admitting freshman, it use to be 10th-12th. They had to ad another wing onto the school for them This is an already two level school with two lunch rooms. So its not always easy to monitor something that big with soooo many students.

It taught me to trust my kids.I'm very glad that my parents trusted me more than you trust your kids.  It taught me to trust my kids.

If we don't show them we trust them with responsibility we will lose them.


Here is where I should have been more clear. I feel because of the issue I mentioned above, that a child should be given the basic cell phone. Because pay phones are mostly phased out and I would want my future children to be able to contact me when needed. That is why they'll be able to be in contact with the people they need to be in contact with. Ie... Mom, Dad, Home, Grandma, Older sibling, etc... If my child wants to have a cell, I will encourage them to buy one on their own. Either by doing chores and saving up an allowances, shoveling snow, raking leaves, saving up birthday and holiday money, etc... They can go out and buy their own. If they can afford a plan that's great, but most likely, start with a prepaid phone. This is what both of my brothers did. I didn't get a cell until I was in college, which I bought and paid for myself. To me this will teach my kids responsibility and respect for what they have. My youngest brother had his phone taken away once at school, but due to the fact he was not using it, it was given right back to him. We show our pride in my brothers behavior by giving them time on their phones as a stocking stuffer or in a birthday card. Which they appreciated. My brothers are very good with managing their phone balances.


Oh, and it's not just "kids" who run up stupid phone bills.  My brother's 25 year old daughter ran up an $800 bill with texting.


Yes there are many older teens as I call them. I have had my dealings with them as well. The 18 and up yr olds who think they are still 15. Yes I know what you are saying. The kid I mentioned is one of them now. At the time the kid was 16. In my opinion of both cases. They should have lost their phones. Maybe given a basic, because I doubt they were texting mom and dad. Then be forced to pay back the bill before being allowed a phone again. This is where I would draw the line with my kids having phones. Also with using it in school, having inapporate pictures.... theses would all be good reasons not to allow your kids to have a cell phone. I hope  my kids will know better, because I won't tolerate that. But that is just me.


My kids have are far more responsible than her, and my kids are 10 and 14 years younger than her.  We have 700 minutes a month and every single month at least 300 minutes will go into our rollover account (AT&T).  We lose more minutes from non use than my kids have ever used.


Thats wonderful! I'm glad to hear it, it speaks well of your whole family. My brother is not much of a cell phone person either, nor am I. I would rather not have one at all. I use it as needed. And yes you are doing something right with your girls. They are far more mature than the 25 yr old. My youngest brother is also very mature. He has been saving since he was 9 yrs old for his first car. I have no idea how much money he has saved up. But he is talking about buying a new one. I'm very proud him!




Teach your kids that you don't trust them and they will be untrustworthy.


You can trust your kids and still chanlenge them!


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