Post Reply
Page 1 of 3  •  1 2 3 Next
Switch to Forum Live View Teaching kids about sex
6 years ago  ::  Mar 23, 2009 - 3:49PM #1
Dpjgen
Posts: 1

My son is nearly 11 now.  I want to have that talk with him.  Not that I don't think he knows about sex already due to school, friends, etc., but I want it to come from me.  I'm looking for a website or a book which can guide me on how to exlain it to him all while incorporating God and his will regarding human sexuality.  Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 23, 2009 - 4:15PM #2
Djl05
Posts: 3

You might try your local library for books with diagrams and what not on a kid friendly level. Also, you might inquire within your community about organizations like planned parenthood or area health organizations that go to schools and such and give presentations. They might have some literature that could help you out. Also, you might try your local health department.  You could also ask the school nurse if he/she has any literature or can recommend something. As for the spiritual emphasis, that really depends on what your view of God's will on human sexuality is. My advice would be to use what you can find reguarding anatomy and physiology and then get out your Bible and look up some passages to go over with your son and explain your family and doctrinal views.


Blessings.

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 23, 2009 - 5:04PM #3
natrlvr2
Posts: 5

I bought my son this book: "What's Going on Down There?: Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask "(Paperback) by Karen Gravelle (Author), Nick Castro (Author), Chava Castro (Author), Robert Leighton (Author), Walker & Co (Author).(go to Amazon to read up on it) I have always told my son 'like it is' and he has always been open with me. I bought this book for him, showed it to him and then put it on his dresser and said whenever you feel the need to look at it,go right ahead. If you have any questions,ask. I also have talked extensively about how kids act & think(I remember being one),I showed him a rubber and said it is a MUST when you love someone....and so on.I did this when he was 10. He is nwo 13.

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 27, 2009 - 8:15PM #4
REteach
Posts: 14,877

"What's happening to my body?" is another very good one. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 28, 2009 - 10:06PM #5
gilbert9992002
Posts: 58

Mar 23, 2009 -- 3:49PM, Dpjgen wrote:


My son is nearly 11 now.  I want to have that talk with him.  Not that I don't think he knows about sex already due to school, friends, etc., but I want it to come from me.  I'm looking for a website or a book which can guide me on how to exlain it to him all while incorporating God and his will regarding human sexuality.  Any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.




Dear Soul, God gives uss a body for the purpoe of procreation and if we turn it to a machinery for enjoyment that is against God's Will.


Imprssed upon the boy that Sex is for mating only and not as a source of enjoyment. This is why Jesus asks us t otreat the wifle as a church - a holy object and not a sexual play thing.


Below is advice given by a modern Saint on why one must be chaste.


"Love begins at the body end in the body is not love. (it is lust"


Love begins at the body end in soul that is love.


Those who are not married should observe strict celibacy. Those who are married should observe according to the scriptures. Scriptures only say to marry means taking a companion in life who should be with you in weal or woe through your earthly sojourn and both meet God. Help each other( to meet God.)  One duty may be begetting children  -one! We have considered perhaps it is machinery of enjoyment. That is wrong. 


If you are chaste and you read something once and you remember for years.


Chastity is a qualification for success in any line. One outward symbol or criteria of such a man who has fully conserved their vital power is that he will never get angry. He would not. In anger we become all full of wrath, having no control over ourselves. If that anger is there , sure and certain he is not fully chaste. He cannot have forbearance even for minutes. These are criteria .In all provocations, one who is chaste, I mean reserves that power(God Power inside us) , is not perturbed. He is serene, dosen't lose his head. Is it not good? That is why chastity is called life.


And student life is very much spoiled. Most remain passive, sad. They do not want to meet anybody. They want some excuse in life. 99 % of the cause is due to that.


Married life is no bar to spirituality if conducted according to scriptures. And scriptures tell us married means taking a companion in life who will be with you in weal or woe and both should meet God - one duty may be of begetting children, but not always that. We have considered wrongly. We have considered it a machinery of enjoyment. That is wrong. Definitely wrong. And those who have been given up to that cannot remain loving, in  a loving way; they become weak. And weakness is the basis of all things going amiss." Kiepal Singh Ji of Sant Mat


With Love From God,


Gilbert


 


 

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 29, 2009 - 10:29PM #6
VG59
Posts: 3,368

We started with our boys very young. We talked about sex as their language was emerging.  It allowed talking about sex to be something natural that parents just do with their kids.


I don't know how I would do it exactly if we had waited. 


Some of the things we do now is anytime something of sexual nature comes up in watching TV with our kids we talk about it. 


We keep a sense of humor about sex.


We do not hide the fact that we are very sexual human beings in our relationship as husband and wife. 


Our school system starts sex ed in fifth grade.  When they have "flash" at school I make it a point to ask each day what they talked about in flash and take the time to clarify anything that was unclear and correct mis information or lack there of on a subject. 


It has worked out well for our family.

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 30, 2009 - 9:53AM #7
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

I have two boys and started teaching them about their bodies from birth.  I used real words, real in the moment talks , and offered real info, now they are tweens, they know about their bodies, know about birth control, (condoms) and what their bodies are doing as they enter puberty. 


They also are in the "ick" mode, so some things gross them out, yet they know about a womans' menses, ovulation, conception, and what role their penis's have in all this.  They also know how to shower, scramble eggs and take out the trash and breathe.


It is all about living fully and gently with their bodies.  Nothing wrong with what they were born with.


We are sexual beings, pretending we all came from storks  to our children about the one free joy we actually get is unethical imo.   Our kids are here because we all got laid.


My kids know I have a love life. they don't see us, they may hear us, they know it is what grown up loving adults do.   They also know they are not grown up so they may practice, alone. masturbate, and get to know their bodies and learn how to use condoms.


Teaching my kids about sex was like teaching them how to brush their teeth, a  part of everyday living .   Love and care  come before sex, thinking before doing,   and how much a baby costs.


Reality check a 5.00 allowance a week can't even buy a days worth of diapers.   Then the details what is sex anyway? and what is safer sex?


 Best be able to answer these questions, quickly and correctly.  Honestly.


Try reality.  The only book I would reccomend is "Our Bodies, Ourselves", give it to everyone, it is geared towards females yet most females fall in love with men and if the men have a clue...


dar


 


 

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 30, 2009 - 12:33PM #8
VG59
Posts: 3,368

When my kids were very young adult sexual intimacy was described as a special cuddling that parents do alone to help keep their love strong.  They were told this was Mom and Dad's special time together and that is why the door would be locked sometimes.  The door always was unlocked when we were done.


We had the concept of the family bed through infancy.  Our kids were weaned to their big beds with the caveat that when they woke up they could come in and visit Mom and Dad. They would told this gave Mom and Dad special time to cuddle together alone. 


Kids of all ages want their parents to stay in love


That was preschool sex 101.  :) 


My kids learned right away about pads and tampons. I did not hide them, they were in a basket near the toilet when needed.  They asked about them and I told them that part of being a lady is that when your body was not making a baby it needed to get rid of the fluids that were going to help make a baby so new fluids could be made.  I needed to catch the fluids on a pad so they did not soil my clothes. 


That was preschool understanding the female body 101. :)


LOL I will never forget being in a store with my son and his playmate.  I put a package of pads in the cart and the little boy asked what those were. My son said those were the pads for my period. This little boy, in not such a quiet voice said, "My Mom uses those things she sticks up her butt."   What could I do but grin and say, "Yes, some Moms do use those."


It is so much easier to start young and build on it than to start at 11. 


If I were to start at 11 though, I'd use the things I said above.


Another thing that is good for the kids to learn about is condoms.  Even if your husband doesn't use them, buy a pack at the grocery store WHEN YOUR KID IS WITH YOU.  Sure it might embarass him but if it doesn't seem to embarass you, it will be a good discussion point.  Explain them too him, have him open one up or open one up and show it to him.  It is so much better coming from the parents.  And don't be suprised if he will go into your husbands drawer and get one out when he starts his adolescent growth spurt to try one on.  That is normal. 


It makes many Christian people uncomfortable to think their kids might be having sex.  It does non Christians too.  They are our babies!!!  However, it is by far better that then know how to use a condom before they become sexually active than to become sexually active without one.


The studies I have read show two very important take home messages:


Most infants conceived from teenagers occur in the hours shortly after school.  We may forbid our kids from dating, keept them away from information about safe sex and even insist that they go home after school and lock the doors; but they are going to do what they are going to do. (My way of minimizing this is having places for my kid to go after school if I am not at home, like the hockey rink to play hockey.)


The other is that the lack of usage of condoms is in part due to the embarassment a young man has in putting the darn thing on in front of his partner.  They don't look cool the first couple of times, they look like the little idiots they probably are. :)  I really don't want my kid to have sex until he is much older, but if he is going to be a little idiot, LOL, I want him to be atleast smart enough to have competence in putting on the condom.  Having that competence is not going to drive him to have sex, that drive is there without anything that I can do to stop it....... well other than keep him playing hockey. 

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 30, 2009 - 3:44PM #9
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

VG59,


I completely agree with you.   I bought my boys condoms and lube, they about died from embarrasment yet lived. :)  I also explained practice makes perfect and fiddling with a condom in front of a partner sort of kills the er moment.   I recall my first time ... goodness!   Never mind the diaphragm!   I was also very direct about the period business, babies and when my door is locked, knock!


I also had a family bed and they understand the cuddle time between 2 loving adults is important and fosters deeper bonding.


It is important to answer questions in an  age appropriate manner, kids don't often need all the details, just answer what is asked.


Know the real words and the slang and be prepared for anything.  My 12 yo will sit on info for months before actually asking something and then will throw out something usually when at about 6 a.m when I am barely awake.


Here is one of my favorite examples.  My partner and I got a little extra frisky one evening and got loud.  I did not think much of it as we were behind closed doors, a fan was on so plenty of white noise etc... anyway I forgot about it, my son did not.  3 months later at 6 o'clock in the morning, he was getting ready for school and I was making some tea and then he blurted out, "Does sex hurt? and did She hurt you? I heard... " 


Oh my.  I answered him very gently,. I told him the details of my sex life are very private and really none of his business yet I promised to answer any question asked. And for this one time I would share this basic info.  I said there is a fine line between sexual pleasure and pain, and sometimes when one is in the middle of very exciting sexual activity it may make one sound like they are being hurt.  Yet really that person is having a wonderful time.  Now you want toast or cereal for breakfast?


He said "toast" and hugged me.    Just in time for my partner to join  the TMI thing.  She hugged my son too and told him love does not hurt and that he was a real cool kid for caring about me and could she share some of his toast.  No big deal.  My then 10 yo son listened with absolute attention and dug into cereal. 


Now they no longer ask about my love life, they are asking specific things about their own bodies, respecting my privacy and understanding I will tell them the truth and if  I can't answer their questions, their doc can because they know the real words and how to talk about their pubescent state of being.


For goodness sake don't wait for "the talk" it has to begin long before they get anywhere near their first anything!


And knowing where your teens are and who they are with and what they are up to is plain common sence.  Sure one can't be with them 24/7 yet one can build a trusting relationship so they can be away and play with out bringing home grandkids!  Telling kids misinfo, and just say "no" does not usually work,  mainly because "no" translates into, "I am going to do it because!"


My .02, I know other people parent differently. I simply hope my sons find lovers that have some basic sex ed before they jump bones!


Dar

Quick Reply
Cancel
6 years ago  ::  Mar 30, 2009 - 4:56PM #10
VG59
Posts: 3,368

We have a very similar story to that one and it was handled with great humor and love and if handled that way, it really is to the kid's benefit.


My youngest, 13 has met a young lady at a minor hockey league game.  I was aware the last three games when he quickly wandered off that he was looking for a girl and would find one.  They have been texting,  my spacing and the like. 


When our local team was eliminated from the play offs I told my husband, you can bet he will come home today asking to go to the movies at the Supermall.  I knew so because I knew he was looking forward to seeing his new friend.


I told him that I would be happy to take him to the movies and pick up his friend provided that his friend's mother and I talked before.  This is all a bit of a distance to do but I was willing to do so.


This mother, not so willing.  She thinks they are too young.  All the while she did not see that her daughter was pushing to "meet friends" at the mall!!  And she is not too keen with her kid socializing with people she doesn't know.


There was a sort of a compromise and I think the kids will meet with more kids a week from today with hopefully me having coffee with this Mom.


Now here is my take on it.  Most teenage conceptions take place in the hours directly after school time when parents are not home and when it doesn't really matter whether mom and dad allow you to date in the first place!!


I think it is master minded of me. (HE HE) to be willing to pick up my kid's (date) who lives about 30 minutes from here and allow them to go to a movie and a coke at Wendy's rather than him become interested in someone that lives walking distance from my home. 


You get where I am going with this one! LOL.

Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 3  •  1 2 3 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook