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Switch to Forum Live View My adult children disrespect me
6 years ago  ::  Aug 02, 2008 - 11:45PM #1
Donna47_ca
Posts: 1
My daughter actually went as far this week to call me various names - manipulative, nagging and said she was concerned she would be the type of mother I am.  QUITE THE SHOCK for me seeing as I would have rated my parenting an A- maybe.  I have given my life for these kids.  My husband claims he is "in the middle".  Not in my books - he is supposed to be with me.

My son is following his sisters lead and showing absolute disrespect as well.  What do I do?
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 03, 2008 - 3:06PM #2
IHOP
Posts: 2,180
Dr. Phil says that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

If they start disrespecting... stay calm, say, I'm sorry you feel that way, and walk away.

No arguing, no yelling, no retribution.

Thats about all I can suggest, I'm sure others will have more suggestions.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 03, 2008 - 3:29PM #3
Palmtree0
Posts: 3,231

Donna47_ca wrote:

My daughter actually went as far this week to call me various names - manipulative, nagging and said she was concerned she would be the type of mother I am. QUITE THE SHOCK for me seeing as I would have rated my parenting an A- maybe. I have given my life for these kids. My husband claims he is "in the middle". Not in my books - he is supposed to be with me.

My son is following his sisters lead and showing absolute disrespect as well. What do I do?



I think that you should listen to them. If they didn't respect, love and care about you, they would have never said anything to help you change your evil ways. :)

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6 years ago  ::  Aug 03, 2008 - 6:15PM #4
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
You need to remind them that you ARE STILL their mother. 
As IHOP said don't argue with them.  That just makes them feel they have a right to call you names.
Tell them their faults when they start name calling.  What's sauce for the goose...
PLEASE don't listen to Palmtree... If you do your kids will run you down like a freight train and you'll never have any happiness.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 04, 2008 - 11:07AM #5
windwizard
Posts: 748
Donna
I might suggest talking to your husband and explaining that if he were to have a chat with the kids it would go a long long way to getting things back to normal.  sounds like your daughter is having 'growing pains' and most likely has seen some friends behave this way and get away with it.  Now if dad were to tell the children that they only have 1 mother and 1 father and being disrespectful is very hurtful, it may help tone down your unruly teen.  You mention that hubby says he is in the middle....ask him what he feels might be the root of what your daughter considers so awful.  Your situation is by no means new hun....in fact at least 70% of todays parents go through this type of behaviour from their children........some for a day and others a lifetime, it all comes down to how you handle it on the onset.  Dont yell, and most of all dont return the comment with yet another rude comment, but rather as was suggested try replying in a calm voice that in some way your sorry to hear that she feels that way, watch her body language when you do this.  Is she appearing uneasy, or looking sad in the face by your comment to her?  OR is she simply adding more rude comments in retaliation to what you said?
Try it and let us know the response you got, then we can see if we are on track here! *smile*   
You really are not alone though, it is amazing how rude some of todays kids can get.  Dare I say for a brief time mine was no different.....note I said brief...LOL  { we mothers have our ways! lol}
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 04, 2008 - 12:09PM #6
aws720k
Posts: 1,900
If you are talking about "adult" children who have moved out of the house, working, with lives of their own...married or not....the disrespect you're referring to could very well be them breaking the ties that have bound them to you in what is now an uncomfortable, stifling way. As much as we try to raise our children to be independent, free-thinking adults, sometimes we tend to hold on to them too long..and too tight. Letting go is difficult, but necessary.

That being said, disrepectful behavior of children at any age is uncalled for in my book. But as IHOP said...we teach others how to treat us. Take a look at how you're treating them at this stage. There you'll probably find the clues to their behavior. Use wisdom and love in turning this around.

Healthy boundaries serve us all well!  :)

With Blessings for Better Days Ahead ~ Annie
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