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Flag Roo938 January 18, 2008 2:32 AM EST
To: Otto
From: Roo

First of all, I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on your success in catching the mouse. Secondly, I thank you for ridding the house of one of the little vermin.

However, it was not necessary to bring the body into the bedroom to show me your victory. Nor was it appreciated that you continued to play with said dead body until I woke up. I'm aware that you can't tell time, but if I'm in my bed and sleeping, it's sleepytime. You don't like to be woken up...I don't either.
Lastly, if you wanted to eat it, you should have just done so. I think we both know by now that I will take any of your furry food and get rid of it. There's no sense in being mad at me, especially when you get your own food instead.

In future, please leave any bodies in the kitchen, and don't bother showing them to me if you want to eat them.
Happy Hunting...:D
Flag appy20 January 24, 2008 4:40 PM EST
Roo, it is mouse season.  I am sending one to my crew.

To:  The furry backsides of Appy household
From:  Appy
Subject: Mouses as gifts.

Could you guys just do flowers?  I am just asking....  The feel of a dead mouse under foot as I rise in the morning is just freaking ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Thank you,

Appy
Flag appy20 January 24, 2008 4:40 PM EST
Yes, I know it is mice but I always call them mouses to the mouse patrol.
Flag Roo938 January 25, 2008 5:50 PM EST

appy20 wrote:

The feel of a dead mouse under foot as I rise in the morning is just freaking ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Oh, Appy....I know what you mean. Quite possibly the grossest thing I have ever had the displeasure of feeling under my foot. :eek:

So it's mouse season, huh? That would explain why the rest of the year, I couldn't find traps or any other method of mouse disposal...when I actually needed them, because Otto had made some sort of truce with the house mice. :mad:

Oh yeah, 'nother memo for the resident cat.

To: the little rat b*stard
From: yer ever-lovin' slave

I think we've already established that you have managed to maintain a great deal of freedom in the matter of being let outside. However, it has come to my attention that you've begun to abuse the servants of the house, by forcing them to get off their rear ends and open the door for you to go out and come back in...repeatedly. As in scratching to go out, staying outside for 1.2 seconds, and then hooking your claws in the door, so that it will open just enough to slam shut, whereupon one of your servants will get up and let you in again...only to repeat the process less than 5 minutes later.
It is understood that the temperature outside is cold, even for someone with a fur coat. We don't mind you going out, but either stay out or come in! No more of this insy-outsy stuff.

On an unrelated note: you are a fairly large cat. This does not mean, however that you can take up the entire bed. You are still much smaller than your humans, who would also like to share the bed, and sleep under the blankets, rather than on top of them (as you seem to prefer). In future, please make some room!

Thank you.
The Staff

Flag rasphila January 26, 2008 2:49 PM EST
To: His Budness

From: Your staff

Your Majesty: We realize that you are fully occupied with supervising your domain. It may therefore have escaped your notice that you are a city cat, and your staff are city humans.

Country cats and country humans must often wake up at 5:00 am or earlier to do chores. City cats and city humans work on a different schedule, and need not wake up until 6:30 or even 7:00.

We raise this with you because during your illness and since you completed your recent dental work, you have been asking—nay, demanding—breakfast earlier in the morning than before. We realize that you are making up for meals you missed while your gums hurt, but you can make up for those meals without requiring the staff to provide food at an earlier hour. In fact, we are unable to do so because, being lifelong city people, we are not awake enough at 5:30 to tell a cat food can from a kumquat.

We are pleased to see that you are gaining weight and in better spirits since your illness. We have done our best to make sure that you have ample supper so that you will not be hungry during the night. All we ask now is that you return to your previous practice of a very slightly later breakfast.

We think you may have decided on an earlier breakfast when your gums hurt and you could not eat all your food. Now you can. Please take this into account when deciding on breakfast time.

Thank you.

Your loyal staff
Flag IHOP January 26, 2008 7:41 PM EST
To: Leo
From: Your human
Re: Sleeping arrangements



SCOOTCH!
Flag appy20 February 3, 2008 3:25 PM EST
To:  Magellan
From:  Appy
Subject:  Blow dryer

No, it wasn't an assassination attempt.  First of all, you aren't head of any state.  Secondly, I just thought it might be better for you to be blown dry rather than get cold.  Okay, I was wrong.  I now have a scar to remind of me of my bad judgment.  It won't happen again.
Flag MsCGheartofohio February 5, 2008 7:11 PM EST
To:  Miss Kitty
From:  Staff

Re:  the Bath Mat

I'm sorry you don't like the rubber bath mat, but I need it to keep from slipping in the tub and cracking my head open. 

You may still include the tub in your Domain, but the mat stays.
Flag rasphila February 6, 2008 8:50 AM EST
To: Sam

From: Your humans

Re: Plastic Bags

Plastic bags do not attack cats. They are only hazardous to cats when cats crawl into them. It is obvious that you don't intend to do this, so they pose no threat to you. It is not necessary to hide under the bed when you hear the rustle of a plastic bag. Just be sure you don't crawl into the bag and you will be fine.

Your Humans
Flag Chicagoheathen February 19, 2008 11:53 AM EST
To: Holly
From: Your Chief Minion
RE: My Baths

Holly, I really do appreciate your taking the time to bathe my face, because I am sure that it needs it each and every time you lick me. However, is it really necessary to clean the inside of my nose? I do have q-tips and kleenex, and use both extensively. It would not be an issue, except that I am ticklish, and also it is hard to breathe with a ferret tongue up my nose. Could you please stop?

Thank you.
Flag Mommakitty February 20, 2008 5:25 AM EST
To: Kimo & Sabi (cats)
From: Mommakitty
Please return the baby's favorite pacifier by end of the week - otherwise treats will be suspended and crying will continue. Do you want her to grow up pulling tails? I think not. Thanks for understanding.
Flag Justcallmebob February 26, 2008 9:27 AM EST
Buddy:

The mouse with the feathers belongs to Milo. It is his only toy since you have destroyed the rest. Please leave it alone. You have plenty of toys (remember the two squirrels, the two ropes, the ball, the moon, the star, the sun....). Besides, catnip is for cats, and you are definitely NOT a cat.

Thank you for your cooperation.
Flag MsCGheartofohio March 7, 2008 8:57 PM EST
TO:          Zeus
FROM:    The Boss

Fuzz on the floor is not food, and should not be treated as such.  Ditto the odd bit of cat litter on the floor in the Forbidden Corner.  Also ditto any random cat toys that you come across.

Miss Kitty is your friend, and will be a wonderful companion when you can learn not to bark at her when she's out of reach, or get too excited when she approaches you.  A word of warning - the hiss means STOP.

TO:          Miss Kitty
FROM:    Hospitality

Zeus is learning that this is home.  Thank you for your continued good behavior during this phase.  Thank you for your continued willingness to approach him, even though many times you make him a little crazy by getting close, then running off.  Sniffing is a good thing, it's a dog thing - often a cat thing too, if you recall.
Flag MsCGheartofohio March 7, 2008 8:57 PM EST
TO:          Zeus
FROM:    The Boss

Fuzz on the floor is not food, and should not be treated as such.  Ditto the odd bit of cat litter on the floor in the Forbidden Corner.  Also ditto any random cat toys that you come across.

Miss Kitty is your friend, and will be a wonderful companion when you can learn not to bark at her when she's out of reach, or get too excited when she approaches you.  A word of warning - the hiss means STOP.

TO:          Miss Kitty
FROM:    Hospitality

Zeus is learning that this is home.  Thank you for your continued good behavior during this phase.  Thank you for your continued willingness to approach him, even though many times you make him a little crazy by getting close, then running off.  Sniffing is a good thing, it's a dog thing - often a cat thing too, if you recall.
Flag boodlebear March 7, 2008 9:22 PM EST
To my dear ladies; Yes I now Padfoot is a very handsome male but you must leave him alone. That goes for leaving Mr. White and Sebastian alone as well. We'll get you to the doctor soon and he will "tutor' you. Oh and by the way, please stop reading the forums. You don't need to step onto the oven door, it's hot. Sebastian, STOP THAT. Giggles, you, too. Thank god Sebers is fixed!
Flag boodlebear March 7, 2008 9:22 PM EST
To my dear ladies; Yes I now Padfoot is a very handsome male but you must leave him alone. That goes for leaving Mr. White and Sebastian alone as well. We'll get you to the doctor soon and he will "tutor' you. Oh and by the way, please stop reading the forums. You don't need to step onto the oven door, it's hot. Sebastian, STOP THAT. Giggles, you, too. Thank god Sebers is fixed!
Flag Chicagoheathen March 10, 2008 11:46 PM EDT
To: Holly
From: Your Chief Minion
RE: Your Food Bowl

Holly,
Food in your dish tastes just as good as food from my hand. It tastes the same as food from my hand. It is the same food. Please, Holly, please eat the pheasant from the bowl. Please. Ground pheasant on my fingers is just gross. I am not your food dispenser.

Thank you.
Flag prayerwriter March 13, 2008 12:17 PM EDT
LOL - How True!  Felix has this nasty habit of standing with ONE paw on my most sensitive area, thus putting all 14 lbs right "there".  He also doesn't understand "move!".
Flag prayerwriter March 13, 2008 12:20 PM EDT
Dearest Felix - Please let me know exactly what is a toy for you?  Obviously, the wonderful gifts I get you from the pet stores don't qualify, no matter how much I've spent.  Yet, the fringe on my favorite throw pillow is fair game, not to mention that loose string in the carpet.  Can we please come to some understanding that doesn't involve ripping perfectly good furniture and/or pillows?
Flag appy20 March 13, 2008 12:29 PM EDT
LOL Prayerwriter.  Welcome to the Pets Board.
Flag IHOP May 14, 2008 10:21 PM EDT
To: Leo
Re: hair bands

You are a SPHYNX!  that means hairless!  You don't need my hairbands.  You have miceys all over the place, you have jingle balls in every nook and cranny, you already have a stash of hairbands down in the hairband graveyard under the desk.

You really didn't have anything that you needed to mess with on the bathroom counter.  I had the hairband in the middle of my watch, because I wanted to use it again after my shower.

I was very saddened to find my watch on the floor and broken, but I know you were happy with your new hairband in the hall.

sigh... I know I'll buy more hairbands... especially since you figured out how to open the hairband drawer.... but PLEASE be careful of my new watch?
Flag majik May 18, 2008 8:29 AM EDT
Dear Karma

It is not really necessary to eat a full meal every half hour.

Dear Sunshine

You do not really need to announce that you are on your way home from 3 blocks away (yes - I can hear you - so can all the neighbours).  A quick hi when you come through the door will suffice.

Dear Spirit

I know you spent a lot of years living on your own and fending for yourself but you don't need to do that any more.  Please dispose of the chip on your shoulder.

Dear Cedar
You don't really need to protect your food from the cats.  No self respecting cat would EVER deign to eat dog food.  Everybody knows cat  food tastes better than dog food ANY DAY!!!

Dear Allie

I love you and miss you sweetie.  Thank you so much for everything.  You blessed me with your amazing grace and gentle spirit.
Flag Tmarie64 May 19, 2008 9:52 AM EDT
Oh, I have SEVERAL memoes.....

Memo to Bingo...

1.  Yes, baby, you ARE the oldest in the house.   But the girls do NOT like being dragged by the head from under whatever piece of furniture they have chosen to hide under when you want to play.  No, you don't do this often, but you know how cats are.
2.  You CANNOT keep pushing Charlie out of the way in bed and stealing all her covers!  Yes, you are older and have seniority, but she IS human and, sorry to break it to ya bubby but, she is a step up on the chain of command around here.
Crystal...
Yes, you are the second in the house, though first cat, you are second to Bingo.  BUT that does not give you the right to just slap the others as you walk by them.  When they are sleeping they are NOT annoying you and don't need a swat as a reminder of who is the diva kitty. 

Sammy... Yes, we know you love love love Charlie.  But she does not love being chased by a psycho kitty.  She is a girl and older than you, so that gives her priority over you.  However, when she does pick at you when you're sleeping, by all means, take whatever measures are necessary.  BUT, sneak attacks while she's just sitting watching tv or eating dinner with the family must stop.  You're starting to freak all of us out, just a little.

Pepper...  You love Charlie, she's your "pet".  We get it.  But when she leaves to spend the night at a friend's house, PLEASE don't wander around at 2 a.m. meowing and looking for her.  Please refrain from chewing on her fingers when she is sleeping.....  I kinda like them and I think she may need them later in life.
Flag sfatula2000 May 20, 2008 6:12 PM EDT
To: L.B.
From: Your Staff

Re: napping in the chair

I'm very pleased that you choose to spend time with me when I sit in your chair.  I'm more than willing to share it with you whenever you request it.  However, it is not necessary to lie sideways while pushing against my leg with all your weight and sighing heavily.  The chair is only so wide and can accomodate both of us if you will simply make a more economical use of the space.  (No, getting me to abandon the space to you when you desire it is not an option.)

Respectfully,

Your human servant
Flag sfatula2000 May 20, 2008 6:12 PM EDT
To: L.B.
From: Your Staff

Re: napping in the chair

I'm very pleased that you choose to spend time with me when I sit in your chair.  I'm more than willing to share it with you whenever you request it.  However, it is not necessary to lie sideways while pushing against my leg with all your weight and sighing heavily.  The chair is only so wide and can accomodate both of us if you will simply make a more economical use of the space.  (No, getting me to abandon the space to you when you desire it is not an option.)

Respectfully,

Your human servant
Flag sfatula2000 June 1, 2008 7:58 PM EDT
To: His Royal Lord High Furriness
From: Your abject (but willing) slave

Re: Air conditioning and the bedroom door

In response to your numerous and vociferous protests about suffering through the summer heat last year, you have been relocated into more spacious living quarters that are kept in a more temperate range.  However, due to the failings of your human to procure living arrangements with central air, you will just have to live with the 2 window air conditioners and ceiling fans.  This means some adjustments, which are unavoidably necessary to ensure the best use of certain resources your human provides.

Notably, hot air rises and cold air sinks.  Given the fact that you like to run up and down steps for your daily exercise, someone lives below us.  In winter, this is a good thing, as we can stay toasty warm with little expenditures of energy.  However, in summer, we must do all we can to keep the cool air upstairs with us.  To this end, when I retire for the evening, I will be closing the bedroom door all the way, and you must choose whether to retire with me and spend the night locked in the bedroom (preferably including syncing your last trip to the litter box and food bowl with my last trip to the bathroom and kitchen), or you may choose to remain in the warmer section of the apartment for the night.

Whichever option you choose, I would appreciate it if you would not yowl outside the bedroom door all night or stand on my head and meow in my ear to alert me you need me to wake up to let you out of the bedroom.

Anticipating your grumbling protests,

Your human servant
Flag appy20 June 6, 2008 3:42 PM EDT
To:  Magellan
From:  Appy

You do not need to keep opening the silverware drawer.  There is nothing in there that you need since you do not have an opposable thumb and cannot begin to hold a fork.  I suspect your goal is to dump the contents onto the floor since that seems to be your current hobby.  You nor I need silverware on the floor.  Should that change, you will be the first to know.

Sincerely,

Your butler, Appy.
Flag appy20 June 7, 2008 1:34 PM EDT
To:: All furbodies in Appy's household
From:  Appy

When I went to bed last night, I did not have scratches on my right arm.  I woke up with scratches on my right arm.  To whomever walked on me during the night, I do not appreciate your trek with claws.  In the future, if you must walk on me at night, do so with soft paws. 

Thank you,

Appy
Flag appy20 June 9, 2008 6:19 PM EDT
To:  Magellan and Hershey
From:  Appy

This morning, after a completely sleepless night and desperately trying to catch 40 winks before the alarm went off, the two of you played king of the mountain on my bed.  My backside was the mountain. 

I was not amused.

Hershey, just because your 85 lbs won the game, is no excuse for you to sit on the "mountain" to proclaim your victory.

I was not amused.  Flattened, but not amused.
Flag sfatula2000 August 26, 2008 6:07 PM EDT
TO: Mr. Frickasee (a.k.a. L.B.)

From: Your pissed off human

Re: schedule changes

L.B., I am well and truly unhappy, even angry about your behavior over the last 2 days.  On Sunday night and early Monday morning, you kept me awake with your insistent, periodic and loud meowing until 2:30 AM. I could find no reason for you to do this, since you had food in your bowl, water in your dish, and a freshly cleaned litter box.  It appears you sensed I had to wake up at 7AM Monday in order to get to class on time.  I was so tired that I could not focus or listen well during the class, and could not complete the required exercise by the end of class because I forgot what I was supposed to be doing.

On Monday afternoon when I returned home, I found you had a nasty surprise waiting for me stuck to the fur under your tail, which you apparently sat on my bed and pillow with while I was gone.  This forced me to change the sheets that I had washed 3 days earlier.  You do this only when I have been gone more hours than you think I should be, and I don't like it.  At no other time do you have problems with stuff sticking to your fur, so I don't understand why you would only when I'm gone unless you are choosing this passive-aggressive means of showing your displeasure.

What you fail to understand is this: I go away for this period of time 3 days a week in order to learn the things that will help me earn more money.  More money means better living for you.  I would think this would be preferable to me having no money, you having to find another home and another human, and failing that, a one-way trip to the animal shelter where you may or may not be adopted before your time runs out.  If you don't want that to happen, learn to deal with being alone.  Curl up in the chair and take a long, undisturbed nap.  Play with your toys.  Look out the windows.  Do anything you like, since I can't scold you for something that I don't witness or know you just did.  Just KNOCK OFF THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE STUFF!! NOW!

Your grumpy, cranky and tired human servant WHO NEEDS HER SLEEP!!!
Flag appy20 October 21, 2008 8:40 AM EDT
To:  M & M
From:  Appy
RE:  Computer mice

They are not real.  You do not need to stalk or pounce on them.  The tails are deceiving.   It is not alive nor is it a toy.  Very difficult to teach a mouse and keyboard class unless you grasp this fact.  Even if EVERYONE thinks  you are cute.

Thank you.
Flag runegurl October 28, 2008 10:33 AM EDT
To: Rillibee
From: rune
Re:  purses

Women's purses are not your personal toyboxes, and you do not need to stick your face into each and every purse that comes in the door.  I would particularly appreciate it if you did not actually steal the tissues and pens you find while burgling our guest's handbags and attempt to eat them before we can catch you. 

thank you.
Flag Hipi75 November 5, 2008 1:30 PM EST
To:  All Fur children

From: Mom

It does not matter what kind of creature it is, if it is on the other side of the glass you cannot get to it.  Jumping on, swinging from, climbing up, pulling down curtains does nothing to solve this problem.

It is your job to exterminate any wild creature that deliberately invades our home.  However, dragon flies & lizards are perfectly happy outside.  Bringing them into the house does not give you the right to take their lives.

Cooperation would be greatly appreciated, which would result in more catnip for you.

Thank you,
Mom
Flag Tmarie64 November 5, 2008 1:35 PM EST
Memo to Sammy and Pepper....

If you MUST bring your "presents" to me inside the house.  PLEASE make sure it has ... expired... first.
I do not relish chasing the scurrying mousie OR the finches at 5 a.m.
If you MUST bring me live "gifts", do NOT drop it at my feet then run away like it's gonna kill you if it catches you.

(this memo inspired by.. a 2 day chase for the mousie that Pepper brought to me on Monday morning, and the 20 minute chase to get the finch that Sammy so proudly dropped at my feet in the kitchen at 5 a.m. this morning.)
Flag IreneAdler November 7, 2008 9:40 AM EST
Oh, TMarie, this made me laugh and laugh!

Glad I don't have such spirited or sharing animals.

Irene.
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 2:55 PM EST
Memo:  Sammy...

While I appreciate the fact that you feel the need to protect the family from those vicious killer rolls of toilet paper... Is it REALLY necessary to shred ALL 24 of them the day I buy them and put them in the cabinet????
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 4:05 PM EST
To:  TMarie
From:  Appy's Cats
RE:  Toilet Paper

"Is it REALLY necessary to shred ALL 24 of them the day I buy them and put them in the cabinet????"

OH YEAH BABY.....
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 4:05 PM EST
To:  TMarie
From:  Appy's Cats
RE:  Toilet Paper

"Is it REALLY necessary to shred ALL 24 of them the day I buy them and put them in the cabinet????"

OH YEAH BABY.....
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 4:07 PM EST
To:  Appy's Cats
From:  Tina

Glad to hear it's not just delusions or anything; that many cats are this protective.

Note to self... CLOSE THE CABINET, DUMMY!
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 4:07 PM EST
To:  Appy's Cats
From:  Tina

Glad to hear it's not just delusions or anything; that many cats are this protective.

Note to self... CLOSE THE CABINET, DUMMY!
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 4:09 PM EST
Oh... and, Appy's cats will be happy to know... In the time since I posted about the "presents", we have chased 3 more mice and 2 more birds.
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 4:09 PM EST
Oh... and, Appy's cats will be happy to know... In the time since I posted about the "presents", we have chased 3 more mice and 2 more birds.
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 4:12 PM EST
How do you think Magellan learned to open cabinets?   LOL
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 4:12 PM EST
How do you think Magellan learned to open cabinets?   LOL
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 4:21 PM EST
Sammy could open the cabinet if she REALLY wanted to, I think.
We can hear the door thump when she pulls it out about 2 inches and then lets it go.
I think she can open the cabinet, just doesn't want to.
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 4:21 PM EST
Sammy could open the cabinet if she REALLY wanted to, I think.
We can hear the door thump when she pulls it out about 2 inches and then lets it go.
I think she can open the cabinet, just doesn't want to.
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 5:06 PM EST
Banging it open and close is a wonderful way to get on a human's nerve.  Far more fun than actually opening it. LOL
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 5:08 PM EST
Banging it open and close is a wonderful way to get on a human's nerve.  Far more fun than actually opening it. LOL
Flag appy20 November 26, 2008 5:09 PM EST
Banging it open and close is a wonderful way to get on a human's nerve.  Far more fun than actually opening it. LOL
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 7:10 PM EST
Yeah.. and I'd kick her out of the bathroom if I wasn't afraid of her.  LOL
She looks black (actually she's a chocolate brown) and has YELLOW eyes.  She's about the scariest cat I've ever had. 
If you walk thru the kitchen and she feels like biting you... she will.
She's a very... ummm... strong willed cat.
Flag Tmarie64 November 26, 2008 7:10 PM EST
Yeah.. and I'd kick her out of the bathroom if I wasn't afraid of her.  LOL
She looks black (actually she's a chocolate brown) and has YELLOW eyes.  She's about the scariest cat I've ever had. 
If you walk thru the kitchen and she feels like biting you... she will.
She's a very... ummm... strong willed cat.
Flag Phoenix_Rising November 29, 2008 12:34 PM EST
To: J
From: L.B.
RE: Getting to know you

J, I'm very glad you make my human slave happy.  When she's happy, I'm happy.  However, there is one thing I feel must be addressed with you: morning love time.  You see, I'm used to being the first thing she sees when she wakes up and getting at least 15 minutes of attention before she gets out of bed.  The last few mornings, I have been unable to greet my slave until after she gets out of bed because I am unsure how you feel about me being on your lovely large bed.

Don't get me wrong; I love the idea of having more than one slave, and you do an excellent job of petting, massaging, and scratching in all the places where I like each of those things.  I simply want to be the first thing one of you sees when you open your eyes so I will be reassured how much you both love and adore me each day.

Thank you,

L.B.
Flag Thomasina November 29, 2008 11:21 PM EST

Tmarie64 wrote:

She's about the scariest cat I've ever had.
If you walk thru the kitchen and she feels like biting you... she will.
She's a very... ummm... strong willed cat.



I like to tell people Ms. Cat's very opinionated and not afraid to express those opinions.     I will have to remember to use "strong willed" in the future. :D

Flag Thomasina November 29, 2008 11:21 PM EST

Tmarie64 wrote:

She's about the scariest cat I've ever had.
If you walk thru the kitchen and she feels like biting you... she will.
She's a very... ummm... strong willed cat.



I like to tell people Ms. Cat's very opinionated and not afraid to express those opinions.     I will have to remember to use "strong willed" in the future. :D

Flag Thomasina November 29, 2008 11:30 PM EST
To:  Ms. Cat
From: your adoring human

RE:  Meowing at the top of your lungs.

I know you're getting alittle bit older and quit possibly can no longer hear yourself meow.  I understand being confused as to how loudly you are actually meowing as I'm alittle deaf myself and sometimes speak alittle too loudly.    I'd really appreciate it you could try starting out with a softer meow and then working your way up to the earth shatteringly LOUD meows.  I've been informed that when I'm speaking on the phone your meows drown out the sound of my voice.  And the last time I had guests over you frightened them with your bellowing.   Even the neighbors have commented that they could hear you though the open windows over the noise of their TV this summer - their house is 25 feet from ours.
Don't worry,  I've always paid attention to your "pleas" for attention and I don't expect to stop doing so anytime soon.    Please, try to lower your voice!   I'd like to keep the little bit of hearing I have left.

Thank You,
Your Adoring Human
Flag Thomasina November 29, 2008 11:30 PM EST
To:  Ms. Cat
From: your adoring human

RE:  Meowing at the top of your lungs.

I know you're getting alittle bit older and quit possibly can no longer hear yourself meow.  I understand being confused as to how loudly you are actually meowing as I'm alittle deaf myself and sometimes speak alittle too loudly.    I'd really appreciate it you could try starting out with a softer meow and then working your way up to the earth shatteringly LOUD meows.  I've been informed that when I'm speaking on the phone your meows drown out the sound of my voice.  And the last time I had guests over you frightened them with your bellowing.   Even the neighbors have commented that they could hear you though the open windows over the noise of their TV this summer - their house is 25 feet from ours.
Don't worry,  I've always paid attention to your "pleas" for attention and I don't expect to stop doing so anytime soon.    Please, try to lower your voice!   I'd like to keep the little bit of hearing I have left.

Thank You,
Your Adoring Human
Flag appy20 November 13, 2009 1:39 PM EST

To:  Magellan


From:  Your Slave


Re:  My gratitude journal


Thank you for spitting up a very large, messy hairball on my gratitude journal.  Right on pages between the cover.   I am beyond grateful.

Flag Bohemiangrrl November 16, 2009 10:22 AM EST

To: Yuna Boonagi


From: Your mother


Re:  Nice try


 


I know you're the one hiding all the dirty socks.  You can give me the innocent face all you want, but I found 3 of them under your toys in the living room.  You didn't do a very good job of hiding them, honestly.


Don't you meow your protests at me young lady!!  I'm taking these socks back and washing them whether you like it or not. 


 


* sigh *  Ok.  I'll leave you one.  But just one!

Flag appy20 November 16, 2009 12:07 PM EST

Could you forward that email to the Winged Monkeys?

Flag Bohemiangrrl November 16, 2009 12:09 PM EST

LOL!!  Most certainly.

Flag appy20 November 19, 2009 10:02 AM EST

To:  Jasper


From:  Appy


re:  New Litter Box


The new covered litter box is not your throne.  Nor are you the gatekeeper in charge of bopping all other occupants of said box in the head as they come and go.  Your presence is discouraging use of this really great, convenient  porta potty.  Some cats don't appreciate getting bopped in the head as they use the litter box.  Once again, this is not your job.  Please find another place to perch all day and understand this is not your box alone.  You must share.


Appy.

Flag Bohemiangrrl November 19, 2009 10:25 AM EST

* snort * AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  I'm sorry, but picturing that is just hilarious!!

Flag Zipporahx November 19, 2009 12:59 PM EST

I have been reading the posts of this thread and they are precious and hilarious!!!!


 


To my three maltese, Kerra, Jack and Maxwell. There is no need to bark at me or anyone else when they come through the door or when leaving.  This is quite annoying!! 


To Jack, especially, stop peeing on my floor, exercise bike and jacket thats hanging on the chair, I know you love me and want to "Mark" me as your owm, but there are others here,,,,like your wife, Kerra, and your son Maxwell!!  So, quit it!!!


                                 Love, mommy!!!

Flag Zipporahx November 19, 2009 1:24 PM EST

To Baby Anastasia.  You are gone now, over the rainbow bridge, and one day I will see you again.  Thank you for the 17 wonder  years you let me be your human.  You were the most perfect cat and a good girl too. 


I miss you walking across the table in the morning to greet me,and get petted and how you still loved me when I brought home a little puppy named Kerra, who you totally ingored!


I miss your siamese purr, your crossed eyes and your cute nose.  You were friendly with everyone and was loved by everyone of the family and we all miss you.  No other cat can ever replace you!


                                                Thank you again for being the purr-fect cat!


                                                         Your sad human!! 


 

Flag appy20 November 19, 2009 1:26 PM EST

ZipporahX,


I love your posts.

Flag Zipporahx November 19, 2009 1:46 PM EST

Thank you!!  Love yours too (read all the thread)  You are so imaginitive (did I spell that right)

Flag rasphila November 20, 2009 10:47 AM EST

To: Sam and Orestes


Re: Plants


Listen up! The plants in the living room are not for cats to chew. They are not poisonous, but they can make you sick to your stomach, and in fact they have—both of you. I'm talking about Wednesday morning here. Nobody got really sick, but neither of you felt very good either, and you both nearly went to the vet.


Sam, we know you chew plants, so we keep you out of the room when no human is there. On Wednesday you decided to outsmart yourself, hide in a new place, and have a good chew before we could stop you. That worked out really well, didn't it?


As for you, Orestes, we had it on good authority from your human that you have no interest in plants. Not likely. You were just waiting until she was off at work to have a good chew.


From now on the living room is off limits to both of you without supervision. Laps will still be available, but unless there is a human in the room, the door will be closed.


I would say I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but the truth is you should know better. Plants can upset your stomach. You have been warned.

Flag appy20 November 20, 2009 1:09 PM EST

Sam has badly influenced Orestes.  That is how it works.  Good behavior is seldom learned from modelling but bad behavior ALWAYS is LOL

Flag Wendyness November 20, 2009 2:20 PM EST

Dear Oliver,


 


Your attempted sense of humor at the suggestion that my leg resembles in anyway a tree or a hydrant did not amuse me.

Flag appy20 November 20, 2009 3:31 PM EST

::snort:: I have a stranger's dog do that to me before.  LOL

Flag Wendyness November 20, 2009 8:28 PM EST

Finn,


Don't get me wrong, I love closeness but insisting that you should be allowed under the covers to curl up between my legs while I'm sleeping has crossed the line!  If you keep insisting I will insist you sleep in the dog house.


 

Flag IHOP November 23, 2009 3:54 PM EST

Dear Leo,


Sweetie, I put that basket up high for a reason.  The hairbands inside that basket are the perfect size and shape for ERIKA's hair.  You are a hairless cat.  You have no functional need for hairbands, and you have a supply of hairbands hidden all over the house.  These hairbands are off limits.


Thats why I put the basket up high, with a box of tissues inside it, with my radio on top of that.


Did you really have to go digging for the hairbands?  My radio did NOT survive the trip to the floor, and I missed my news this morning.


 


sincerely,


mommy

Flag appy20 November 25, 2009 3:55 PM EST

To:  Scout


From:  Appy


RE:   Street etiquette


Please remember this.  Just because I may be between the two points with the shortest distance does not mean I am a thoroughfare.  Think of me as a sacred landmark that should be travelled around.


Thank you.

Flag Zipporahx November 25, 2009 4:03 PM EST

LaughingTo:  My beloved, sweet maltese Jack, Kerra, and Maxwell,


     From: Your beloved mother


     Re:  Thanksgiving.


Another holiday is here, and I know you love the holidays for lots of people come to bark at and be petted, by, but this Thanksgiving, I am going to put you in my room while we eat because you beg too much.  But I will let you out when we are done, but no left overs for you.  And none of your  treats unless you are good and are nice to our guests and your dog guest Buddy,  Be good.....love mommy

Flag appy20 November 25, 2009 4:16 PM EST

To: ZipporahX


From:  Jack, Kerra and Max


RE:  Thanksgiving


Party pooper Tongue out

Flag Fireandarose November 29, 2009 2:23 AM EST

To: Ember


Re: Mummy's lack of fun-ness of late


 


Yes, I know.  I was foolish and went out and DELIBERATELY CAUGHT SWINE FLU just to be THAT MUCH LESS ABLE to throw a stuffed mouse for you.


 


I very much appreciate your understanding for the most part; the giving of your stuffed mice and even your beloved springs to me did not go unnoticed, especially as you snuck the springs into my bed without me noticing and I ended up sleeping on them.  My back definitely noticed.  (I assure you, with gratitude.)


 


Now, I know Mummy has been sick, and I know you're getting a bit impatient.  But grandma came ALL THE WAY FROM THE FAR -AWAY PLACE SHE LIVES THAT YOU HATE TRAVELLING TO to take care of Mummy, as she is not doing so hot, and Gradma, god bless her, is even playing with you.  She offers you her lap.  Her stomach.  Her boobs, which are, I am sure, much more fun to sleep on than mine.


 


So please, for the love of God, let Mummy sleep through the night a few more nights?  She's just starting to get better, and she has to maximize the little time Grandma has left here and heal like a mutant with claws.


 


I promise.  I promise.  We'll find some treat for you, someday, you crazy cat who won't touch wet food with a twenty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole, and I'll provide it in abundance.


 


But in the meantime, let Mummy rest?  Please?  Her stomach already has her up enough, she doesn't need you helping.


 


Love,


Mummy

Flag Zipporahx November 29, 2009 10:14 AM EST

FrownSwine flu?  Oh my!  I hope you are better soon, and your cat lets you rest!!

Flag Fireandarose November 29, 2009 9:13 PM EST

Thank you. :) I think she got...part of the memo, anyway.  She's firm now on her plan to sit on the chair next to my mother and be One Of The Girls while mum's here, which works as a distraction, at any rate.


 


As for Swine Flu...I don't recommend it, but it's far from the worst thing I've ever caught.  The hype is worse than the experience, and I say this as someone who's immuno-compromised.

Flag Bohemiangrrl February 18, 2010 3:27 PM EST

To: Yuna


From: Food Dispenser Unit


Suject: your favorite chair.


 


Henceforth, at least until you can get your vomiting under control, you are no longer allowed on your favorite chair.  The only nice piece of furniture I own and you ruined it a week after I got it last Christmas.  It hasn't been the same since.  and you continued need to puke right in the middle of the seat of it, instead of hopping down to the tile RIGH BELOW IT, has now banned you from ever sitting on it again.

Flag appy20 February 24, 2010 2:11 PM EST

Vomiting on the floor is just beneath some cats. 


I missed this memo until I told AgnosticSpirit to check it out. LOL  I need to watch it myself!

Flag Bohemiangrrl February 24, 2010 2:14 PM EST

It's amazing how they just KNOW the most inappropriate places to vomit.

Flag appy20 February 24, 2010 3:22 PM EST

 A coworker of mine could not use her purse today because her patootie male cat sprayed it.  The purse was fabric.

Flag Bohemiangrrl February 25, 2010 9:33 AM EST

Oh no!!!  Ugh, that's the worst!!

Flag Agnosticspirit February 25, 2010 11:02 AM EST

Very cute thread, thanks for pointing it out to me appy.


From: Your mummy


To: My dearly departed Princess Kitty


1. I know you like to show mummy what a great huntress you are, but do you really have to bring that half dead field mouse into the  house? Have you ever considered leaving it on the doorstep as tribute instead? Those things scare me!


2. There's a reason why I place a blanket on my bare legs before you crawl onto my lap. When you start kneading your adorable little paws in kitty contentment, those claws HURT when they dig into my skin. Kindly wait until I've positioned the covering on my lap before commencing with the kneading action.


3. Thank you for keeping my seat warm; it's appreciated very much but please keep in mind that it's MY seat. This isn't a game of musical chairs..... When I get up to get YOU some food, I DO expect MY seat back and your protesting meows will not move me from moving YOU away from my seat.


4. Thank you for being part of my life. From the time you arrived on my doorstep, a little tiny furball with legs and huge eyes, until you left; you had my heart. You have it still, you always will. I miss  you very much, baby girl. I am a better person, an enriched person, for having known you.

Flag Agnosticspirit February 25, 2010 11:14 AM EST

From: Your mummy


To: My Big Boy Kitty


1. You've only been in my life since I adopted you a month ago but you became part of the family right away. I hope the loss of our little old lady kitty was not too traumatic for you. I did my best to shield you from this. You have been a GREAT comfort in my grief and I'm not sure how I would have coped without you. Thank you.


2. For some reason, you like to snuggle up under the comforter on the bed. I've learned to look for a kitty sized lump before sitting down, but be prepared to move out of the way quickly! in case I ever forget.


3. I know the vacuum cleaner freaks you out but please don't expect me to stop using it. You're entitled to your sulks, but please don't expect me to stop using it. We both like a clean home, right?


4. Thank you for taking the time to jump down to the floor before yakking up the latest and greatest hairball specimen. That was one thing I could never teach my little girl kitty, she would yak on the bed, on the chair, wherever she was. She had long hair and tended to yak more. I'm glad you're a short hair and I'm grateful you're thoughtful enough to jump down to the floor before you yak it up. Good boy!

Flag Bohemiangrrl April 6, 2010 12:32 PM EDT

To: Yuna


From: Food Dispenser Unit


Subject: Moving


 


I know you've figured it out by now.  We're moving again.  And I know at first it was all fun and games because mommy brought home all sorts of boxes for you to play in, day in and day out.  I know you're tired of moving and you love our current place.  I'm sorry kitty girl.  Sadly, the humans that own our place have decided they'd make better condos than apartments.  But the new place is even BIGGER with more rooms for you to lay around in, ok?  and that larger, more hairy food dispenser unit that you pretend you hate, but wait by the door for all the time; he'll be coming too.  :)


 


love you!!

Flag Bohemiangrrl April 20, 2010 1:54 PM EDT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNA!!!  Happiness and love to my little baby.

Flag Agnosticspirit May 13, 2010 3:29 PM EDT

Memo to my latest adopted kitty:


I know you had to live in the streets until you found me, but you are a pampered indoor kitty now. There is simply no reason to hunt for scraps in the garbage can any longer.


Thank you for being so aware that  your claws can hurt the human. I've never seen a kitty demonstrate so much care in making sure your claws don't dig into me. Thank you!


Um.... can you please tell me what kind of kitty scratching post will work for you? So far I've bought three of them for you, you've rejected them all and no... the new leather sofa is NOT a scratching post.


On the food and water bowls. For some odd reason, you like to pull the food and water bowls away from the wall and off the placemats. Those placemats are there for a reason. Please take this memo into consideration, thank you....


The human

Flag Bohemiangrrl June 3, 2010 4:30 PM EDT

YUNA!!


*meoooow*


NO!  Yuna get down from there.


*mrrrrow?*


GET DOWN!!  Oh god you're going to fall.  That's the most expensive thing I own, it's not a bed.


*mrrrr*


YUNA!  Dang it, NO!!


*ppprrrrrrrrr*



UGH.  you're going to be death of me.  Let me get on this chair....I'll drag you down if I have to.



**sigh** Who can say no to this face?

Flag appy20 June 3, 2010 4:48 PM EDT

I have a china cabinet too.  LOL.  They perch up there too.  So, far, they haven't scratched it but it is solid oak and I hold my breath every time they get up there.

Flag Bohemiangrrl June 3, 2010 5:13 PM EDT

Well mine's right by the steps and there's a ledge she can get to from the stairs and then onto the china hutch.  * sigh*  That thing took 4 men to move, so I know it's not going anywhere, but yeah I hold my breath when she's up there every time.  She's not exactly a dainty little flower.  Heh.

Flag appy20 June 3, 2010 6:15 PM EDT

Mine jump from the window.  Magellan was the first one to get up there. It is the tallest thing in my house.  Higher than the ceiling fans.  All of my cats have been up there except Molly, Winnie and Jasper. Jasper is just too dang big and Winnie isn't much of a climber.  Neither is Molly.  

Flag Dmagdalene June 30, 2010 2:08 AM EDT

attention : Jack


from: your person


subject: dental hygiene


 


Please be advised that your toothbrush is a dental tool and not a chewing toy to be enjoyed.


Furthermore, it is to your best interest that you follow the rules of good dental hygiene to prevent health issues in the future.


Afterall, your smile is priceless....Wink


Flag appy20 June 30, 2010 12:33 PM EDT

It could be worse.  Magellan went through a phase in his youth where he was obsessed with MY toothbrush.  I spent a lot replacing toothbrushes if I forgot to lock it up.  I had to be careful where I locked it up because he could open a lot of things.

Flag Dmagdalene June 30, 2010 12:48 PM EDT

Jun 30, 2010 -- 12:33PM, appy20 wrote:


It could be worse.  Magellan went through a phase in his youth where he was obsessed with MY toothbrush.  I spent a lot replacing toothbrushes if I forgot to lock it up.  I had to be careful where I locked it up because he could open a lot of things.




LOL...Magellan is one cool guy...:o)

Flag appy20 June 30, 2010 1:45 PM EDT

He certainly thinks so.  Trust me on that!

Flag Heiwa July 2, 2010 7:45 AM EDT

To: Kie-aara


From: Uma


Subject: I love you so much!!!


Since the time you stepped into my life I have always been so happy. I didn't chose you, you chose me!


You have made every hard day possible with your love and playful affection. Everytime I cried in pain you sweetly licked away my tears and lied down on my shoulder. When you look at my eyes I feel you can see right into my heart.


 


Thank you for coming to me my sweet Angel!


 


Love you forever and ever!

Flag Fordwj July 2, 2010 11:33 PM EDT

To Jake and Dopey.  Thanks for you to value a life that God gave us all.  Teach me about meaning a care and a love.  Both of you enouraged me to be courage through the crisis or chaos.  I am looking forward to see both in the rainbow before going to the heaven.  Amen.

Flag Weepingangelofthetrees July 3, 2010 12:30 PM EDT

Never ever think outside the (litter) box!Wink

Flag Holly3278 July 3, 2010 1:29 PM EDT

Thank you, my dear kitty, for being such a wonderful pet.  Smile

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