Life. Do we ever really think we won't live forever? I mean, seriously. Do you ever even acknowledge that someday you will exit your body and go to Somewhere That Spirits Live? Ok, I call that "Somewhere" Heaven, so I will use that reference.
Back to the subject at hand. If I could choose how to die, I guess I would just chicken out and say in my sleep. Not that a grand exit would be negative, but I want a peaceful one. I doubt that my request will be granted, but hey, it's worth a try.
Am I being morbid? Isn't death a natural part of living? Aren't we all born with this terminal disease called Life? Why do we choose to sweep it under a rug? Why can't we just accept that we will eventually die and prepare for it?
Some of us have experienced the death of a very young person close to us. Some have not. Some think you need to be old to die. I'd like to know where that is written, that you need to be old to die.
Life, no matter the number of days it is long, is still way too short. We fail to reach out to people we love. We lock our feelings up behind a wall and don't let people reach out to us. We refuse to acknowledge that we may never see our loved ones again. Each day is a gift, and we should live it that way.
The people we love should hear that from us. If we need to forgive anyone, they should hear that from us. If there is anger and hurt feelings between us, we need to bridge that gap. We need to reach out with both hands and touch those we care about, and let them know.
Ok, yes, there was someone who didn't make it back home from work recently. No, I didn't know him personally. He worked at a sister mine, and was killed in the early hours Sunday morning. He was 29. He was doing the same job I do every day. It could easily been me or someone I do know.
Will this change how I treat the world? I hope to think it will. I hope I will be more assertive about letting my family know how much they mean to me. I hope I will be more safety aware at work. I hope I will be in touch with friends more often. But I know I will fall back in the old complacent habits. I will get busy with the everyday life, and forget how important it truly is to let people know I care about them. I'll forget that this week, the family of a 29 year old man will never see him again in this life.
Then I will be reminded again how fragile life is. And maybe I'll reach out again. But what if it's me???
Those of us who live with cancer, whether it's us or a loved one, know that there is no promise of tomorrow. But how do we deal with that information? Are we just sponges that soak it up and don't give it out?? Life. What will we do with it????
I am like you. I pray that I will die peacefully in my sleep. Every member of my family that have passed, have done it that way. I fear with cancer, that I will have a lot of pain. I have been told there are plenty of pain killers they can use at the proper time. But I don't want to spend my last days medicated so heavy that I am in a fog, where I don't know anyone.
I also worry alot about making the trip to the "other side" all alone.
What I fear most is of the unknown.
As a person with cancer, that cannot be cured, I am now finding myself doing things like I have never done before. I keep telling myself, DO IT NOW, because I may not be here next year to do what I would like to do. It is almost like the "Bucket List". I am trying to do all the things that I wanted to do, however, some of the things, my health won't allow.
I have a family member, that I must find a way to forgive. My son has hurt me to the greatest extent that a child ever could. He has cut all contact with our family for the last 20 years. I even learned he has an 8 year old son, that I have never been allowed to see. It is my wish before I die, that I can see my grandson, just one time.
I know I am suppose to forgive my son.......but how? I don't know.