Sounds like you've encountered a lot of very rude, just plain mean men in your life, Appy.

I really can't understand how you must have felt trying to find a guy who'd be more interested in who you are than in whether or not having you on his arm will make other men envy him. I'm sorry I can't be more empathetic, but I truly don't know how devastating it must be to have people say such awful things about something you simply cannot change.

My best friend who probably weighed close to 300 lbs and was what once was oh-so-tactfully called a "plain" woman used to say that she had no time to waste on anyone uninterested in more than a pretty bit of arm candy. "Joke 'em," was her Reader's Digest dismissal of any man so superficial. But then, she came from a family of large, independent and thoroughly "uppity" women.

I'm not sure either why some women are able to dismiss others' perceptions of them so readily while others have a miserable time of trying to relate to people.

 There are people out there who are "normal" body sizes, and yet still have poor body image. For those who are "normal" body weight, what are some of the things that make you think you are "too fat" or "too thin" and what would it take to get you to accept yourself just the way you are?

 Hi Anesis. I hesitated answering this as, technically, BMI speaking, I am overweight by 20 lbs.  So I really don't qualify as one who can answer your questions.

 I don't think one simply stays the same in appearance/fitness level; one either progresses or regresses in these things. So I aim to progress as best I can. And part of the motivation behind this is not being satisfied with how I look today.

 I'm constantly studying up on diet & exercise (read lots of muscle mags and fitness athlete websites) because I do want to lose those last 20 lbs. and I wish to achieve certain fitness goals. I worry that in my case, becoming accepting of how I look now will cause me to stop eating properly or hitting the gym and reaching new fitness goals.

  (And maybe that is the root of obsessive behavior **shrug** and I'm on a bad path here.)

 Guess I can't truly answer what it would take to accept myself as I now.  Must add that after having lost over 100 lbs., I am left with some extra skin (most notably bat wings)- which will no doubt remain for the rest of my life (without surgery, that is. And I have serious reservations about such things.).  So I must accept this.  Hey, it beats having the extra weight -yes?

 The things that make me think I am too fat are the blankety-blank BMI (which my doc insists is where I should be) and the fact that I am size 12.  While I understand this is the average size for a woman, I'd sure like to be a size 8 one day. As Appy points out, folks (usually males in my experience) are unafraid to state that women above a certain dress size (usually a size 10-12) are fat and thus inferior or not worthy of attentions.  Ouch! 

 Now, does this keep me up nights? Nope. Honestly, I don't think I'd know what to do if anyone paid attention to me.  But I do want to achieve certain fitness goals. That's my main motivator.

 Irene.  

In a workplace environment, you can't respond.  Actually, I rarely care enough to respond.  What do you get?  You get to exchange some insults.  Whoop de doo.  I would rather change their thinking which is just not going to happen.  The rest is just tiresome. Men don't care so they are a waste of time.  They are the worst ones.  I just banter with them, politely correct them if I can.  Then move on.  You can't change their thinking.   You can stop caring about what they say and make your point in other arenas where someone MIGHT care.

I do accept myself.  I am okay.   There are just challenges.  The challenges don't make me feel bad about myself but they are frustrating.  As I age, my body changes in weird ways.  Adjusting to clothing is such a challenge.

I am size 16 at the moment. I was size 12 last year t his time.  I gained and have lost some of what I have gained.  I don't know what I weigh at this time.  I eat healthy.  I need to exercise more but just can't bring myself to.  I hate it so much.  Plus, I know from experience how inadequate exercise is for my body so it feels like wasted effort.  However, I do eat healthy.  Lots of green and yellow veggies.  Minimum of sugar, flour, etc.  Whole grains in moderation.  Fish and chicken in moderation.  Fruit. I do eat too much fruit.  Occasionally, a splurge.  

I just prefer a shorter quality life to a longer life with more dieting and exercise.

I have a problem and am not sure how to handle it.  I have over the past year or so become very fond of products from Victoria Secret.  Not only bras and panties, but their clothes as well.  I look for hours online searching for clothes and end up buying more than I can afford, but the problem lies when I get them in the mail.  Many of the shirts that are tighter and look super amazing on the models wearing them, but when I get them and try them on...I just feel so not pretty.   I excercise 3 hours min a day and am 125lbs at 5' 6".  People constantly tell me Im beautiful, skinny, I could be a model if I wanted to, but I just dont believe them.  I believe that I am not completely unfortunate looking, but hate that I put forth so much effort into dieting and excerise and still do not look like those Victoria Secret models!  It has become such a strive for me to want to look like them that I hate looking at myself in the mirror because I have muscle and pudge. I want to look like them, the skinny stick and bone look.  Its become an obsession to look like that, but no matter what I do I just look like an athlete, muscular and average.  It has become such a problem that my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 yrs, who calls me beautiful everyday and loves me unconditionally,  now is slowly collapsing around my body image problem, and he is the only stable person in my life and I would be lost without him.....yet I cant except me for me....I just want to look like a Victoria Secret Model.  Does anyone have suggestions?

VSModelle, you have identified this as somewhat an obsession....for that reason I would really recommend finding a counsellor who works on body issues. 

I lost a significant amount of weight, and actually felt rather sexy for the first time in about 8 years. Now that I have been on this plateau for a while, I no longer feel sexy, and feel as heavy as I was when I started my weight loss journey. I have been desensitized to my new body...I've become used to it and now it is old hat, and I need something new to bring back that feeling I had when I first lost the weight. In a sense, I could say the same about you as you say about VS models...I could become obsessive about becoming as toned and athletic as VSModelle - all the while you are becoming obsessive about becoming like a VS model.

The trouble is that when we finally get what we want, we get used to it and need something to replace it...it is never enough. It's like someone who is broke who wants just an extra few dollars a month, but when they get that, they need just a little more. The question then becomes "when is it enough to be truly content with what we have?" What would it take for people like us to become content in the body we have?

Your friends and boyfriend have all tried to reassure you, so it is apparent that external validation does not work, even though much of the contributing factor to body issues seems to come from external sources that we internalize - meaning that everything from Barbie dolls to VS models place unrealistic expectations on us that we come to expect from ourselves. So internally, how do we undo the internalization of external expectations? How do we move beyond unrealistic to accepting our own perceived body flaws?

What would it take? It has to come from within, and no amount of validation or compliments from loved ones is going to address what only people like us can address....this is a really hard journey!