Ok, I'll jump in.  You two had me with the beignets, Dusty, and Janis. :cool:

I just found out about my C-parasites last week, and I'm scheduled for surgery next week.  My interlopers are in my uterus, so it could be an easy, self-contained thing, or it could not.  Guess I'll find out when it's out and under the microscope.  Except for a few horrible temper tantrums, I think I'm coping ok so far, possibly because I am a natural procrastinator and I can even put off worrying.  Also, one of my ways to cope is to refuse to say "I have _____," but to refer to it as something that is in me but not part of me, and that my doctor is the bouncer who will evict the SOB.  Don't know how long I can keep that fantasy going, but it's working for now.

Itty, your comment [FONT=Arial]Most all of the time i'm upbeat. I am positive. I am ready to clear that swamp and arm wrestle the alligators. Hell, most days I go alligator hunting with the aim of making boots! made me remember a sign I saw years ago that I always liked:  When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
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Thanks for the kind words, and the invitation.  Hmm, how 'bout (a little too appropriately) Blood, Sweat, and Tears?  I have a thing for bluesy, gravelly-voiced rockers.

Hey Itty!  Hey Tao!!

Hey can I ride in the bunk??  Is it a conto or a flat top?  I use to have a triple digit Freightshaker.  I also drove a triple digit flat top Pete.  But I liked the KW anteater the best.  The T600.  Now, it's just the lil ole mining truck.  Itty, send me a message with your email addy and I'll see if I can send a pic of the truck.

Ok, Cafe Du Monde is on Decatur, near the Jackson Brewery.  Hell with the beignets, let's have a brew!!!

Hey, Itty!  You invited me to swing by, so I thought I would come and say hey!  This is a nice board.  I have to admit, it really hadn't occurred to me to swing by, but as you said, cancer affects the whole faimily.  I'll try to stop by more often.  :)

Oftentimes those of us who have cancer get very caught up in our battle. Rightly so. We are fighting for our lives. It seems like, at times, we get so caught up that we forget that when we get cancer so do our loves ones. That's true of any serious illness. Cancer is a family illness.

We aren't the only ones that have to go through the maze. Families do too. I know I've been short sighted at times. Other times I have been reminded that I am not in this alone. The support and love of my beloved ones has helped to pull me through the dark tunnel back to the light.  If I didn't have that love I would be a basket case.  I am a fighter, always will be. But, I get tired and when I lay down my fight for a bit my loved ones pick it up for me.

I've had good experiences and bad with family. A dear cousin of mine doesn't visit anymore. She doesn't know what to do, how to act, what to say. She didn't articulate that to me, her sister did. I am sad but I can't force her to spend time with me. I grieve her loss from my life and I celebrate the joy I find with others who have chosen to stay and still others who have dedided to make me a part of their lives.

I've met so many people who are touched by cancer. It simply astounds me how high the incidence of cancer is across the board. It , like any illness, is no respecter of persons, social status, financial worth, region, city or state.  It doesn't matter what we do, how well off we are, how vital our careers are. It is a great leveler.

After thinking for a while I realized that for family the bewilderment might be even greater than the one I feel.  I was and am, at times,  very bewildered, confused and more than angry. Yet, I had and do have a focus. I have had to get out my sword and fight! My loved ones can support me but I imagine it must feel very hopeless for them because while they support and cheer me on they aren't fighting directly like I am. They have to watch, for the most part. While my sister in law might want to do my chemo for me, she can't. My best friend might want to do my MRI's but that's impossible. In that respect the battle is mine.

I know some families do better than others. I think that might be because they aren't afraid to be angry and emotional about it. I have a friend in Canada. When I told her about my illness I got a most interesting email. She was roaring, raging, weeping and was very angry. You know, that actually helped me! She was biting mad! I was too. We shared that with each other and for me, it helped me get through some of those emotions. I focused that anger, channeled it and I use it to fuel this fight of mine.

Eh, I am rambling again. I think I'm trying to say that if your family has a cancer survivor in it (we are all survivors whether its five minutes, five months or fifty years) you are pretty important. You are going through the same emotions and probably have the extra burden of feeling helpless. You aren't helpless. You might not be able to fight the battle directly but just picking up the phone and chattering about the weather helps me do what I have to. You are including me, you are acknowledging me as the person I am, you are honoring me by treating me like everyone else. So many people, when they learn of a friend/loved one has cancer, can't do that. for those of you who can, thank you. From the bottom of my heart I mean that.

Picking up the pieces and figuring out how to be just a person after cancer is one of the hardest challenges I face. When the people I love treat me as just me, I can do that too.

The other thing that happens to people, I think, is that most of us don't want to talk about death much less acknowledge we are going to die. I think the grieving  needs to be an ongoing process particularily for people whose death is immanent. I've needed to talk about it. My family has to come to grips with the fact that I am going to die. They have to go on when I do. I am not a doom and gloom person. I am, however, a realist. With the particular cancer I have there is no cure.  My demise may be soon or many years from now. I have to hope for the best outcome of treatment and plan for the end. I appreciate it when my loved ones let me do that without protesting that I will be here for a long time. Maybe I will and maybe I won't.  But putting your denial in my lap isn't going to help me one little bit.

Families go through the stages of grief too. Some people get stuck in denial. Death is uncomfortable. No one wants to confront it.  I think when we can we then get to really examine what life is and can be.  That, for me, is a solitary journey for the most part. Other times I need to be listened to. I don't have the double burden that my loved ones do. I only need to planfor the time I won't be here. They haveto do that and then go on without me. Now, I am not so important tnat I am the center of all their lives. I mean they will have a missing player in the game.

Wow! I really am rambling. I'll stop now..

Tao, I have you in my heart. I hope we have you back here, in B'net's crazy cyber zoo very soon. I miss you.