well Ive been out of control with my eating of late and I just want to stop and get onto some kind of program its driving me crazy.

Im thinking about visiting a new OA group in Dallas further out then i am. i went back to mesquite OA and didnt have any problems at all with the religious part. I just didnt like it, it was tiny and theres one older woman who has had along time of abstinance in OA who seems to hog up the whole meeting talking about her experiences.

I went to CEA How last night which was real good , loved the meeting! However I went to CEA How 10 years ago and tried their strict low carb diet, and its rigourous! i was on it for a week when I couldnt wake up from a sleep and I finally was awake long enough to go to the hospital where they told me my blood sugar was too low and i needed to get off the diet. Last night after the meeting they told me I would HAVE to do the Gastapo diet, when I relayed my info on not being able to do it she said some diabetics couldnt  do it and maybe I could speak to them, then she said I had to do the diet again,.it was odd it seemed like to me even though they couldnt force me to do the diet because of health reasons they were insisting anyway.

So Im thinking at this point I may go on out in Dallas and try some of the meetings out there I found on the map I think I can drive.

Ive figured out how to work around my religion. Im a nature based  religious person(Pagan), trying to center on on God and having a relationship with one God verses the Gods and Godesses, picking out a higher power was a difficult area to get by.

But I was reading Jack Osbourne's story, Ozzy Osbourne's son, hes a recovering addict alchoholic and went through treatment and AA to get sober. Hes also a  pagan. He said he uses Mother Nature as his higher power.Right now Im thinking that thats  a good idea for me. The truth is that most of the Pagan Gods and Godesses came from nature anyway, the Sun God, The Moon God, Egypt has a Nile God or Godess its nature.
So it makes sense. Its sort of cool because I now have a role model, it makes me feel so much easier with the 12 Steps.

Its like this. Even if and when they dont get into religion at all in these groups,and as I said at the last OA meetings i went to didint have any problems. But however there seems to be an infasis on doing what your sponser says, you do as your told without question shut up and listen at meetings and take advice from your sponser on your spiritual life.Im not saying all Christians would do this, but there is an opportunity there for Christians who want to witness to use all that as a cop out excuse to witness for Christianity. In the one OA meeting this last year i had a problem at there was a girl there who told me , when i said i was Pagan, she said "Your just saying that cause your angry, your a new comer and you havnt met your higher power yet and after youve been here awhile youll have a spiritual awakening" .

You see what i mean, some Christians interpret the spiritual awakening as an opportunity to witness because hey your having a spiritual awakening that means you get rid of the old; if your not a Christian the spiritual awakening means becoming born again which means you come to the Lord Jesus as Savior, some Christians interpret the spriitual awakening as a way of pushing being born again.hey your messed up your life is messed up, if you come in as a Pagan, its easy to look at me and say your messed up so you dont know  what spirituality is and as asoon as you get the truth of the 12 Steps in your life  youll be a Christian-many Christians read it like that.

But Im glad I have Jack osbourne to use as a role model, makes me feel so much better, when people use this type of manipulation i can say, uh there are many Pagans who have had a spriitual awakening in AA and OA and are Pagan, then i can actually name someone now. That makes me feel so much safer. Im glad I found him. Im going to buy his book one of these days.A spiritual awakening should not mean you change religions, it should have nothing to do with religion, it should be something you can apply to your own religion to liven it up, I should be able to apply the 12 Steps to my own Pagan religion and my own relationship with Nature.It shouldn t be that hard.

Im a nature based person and I just happen to be in recovery thats all.

Im going to visit a new OA nest week on Monday further out in Dallas but I believe i can drive it.Hopfully Ill get a step sponser soo, this week Im going to open up the big book. I read it when i was younger its been awhile though.