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Switch to Forum Live View Am I expecting too much from the Church/minister/members?
5 years ago  ::  Nov 24, 2013 - 2:18PM #1
Posts: 1

6 weeks ago the choir master told me first "some people" told him in rehearsal I was singing offkey (although he never said anything after church service when we performed and where it could have been a problem if it had been true/I was loud eough to be heard.  When I told him I don;t sing loud enough for "some" people to hear me to even know it was me if they heard something offkey (and if I had trouble with a note I dropped out anyway) he changed it to "many" people. Well, that is impossible because I do not sing loud, which he knows.
At any rate the next time we were reheasing before service I found I could  not sing at all, afraid that I was being judged.  I did not sing that morning and after service told him I was done with the choir.  I could not sing when I feel I am being judgedand it was an awful thingbecause choir is literally the only thing I have in my life.  I have an eye pain disability that makes using my eyes exceedngly painful oing choir requires a lot of pain meds and fighting the pain but there is nothing else.  I was crying by the end of our "discussion".  He was saying well maybe you could take a break and come back when the pain is better, although he and I had already talked, about a year before, at some length about the pain and that there is nothing to be done for it.

Without the choir there is no reaosn for me to go to services.  I have been a member for about 5 years, choir longer then that, and go reularly to a monthly woman's group.  Nevertheless, absent one person whom I barely know other then to say Hello to, no one has contacted me, not even the minister.

I spoke with her sometime back about how alone I am.  My family, who live nearby, abandoned me years ago (it is a freudina thing - not one f 3 siblings even there for any of my 12brain surgeries done in an effort to stop or tame the pain - not even a card, phone call, or flowers).  Because of the pain I am home alot and absent the church have no other social contacts and my firends have long moved away (or I lost because either the friendships could not sustain the disability from the pain/we were friends only because of needs from disability, eotional, physical or social and in any other circumstance we never would have been friends (They too had acknowledged that).

so, at any rate...I have been absent now from church for 6 weeks.  I have to say 2 other people contacted me, one the night I first was absent from the choir to tell me she had the same experience there I have and was thinking of leaving and one other person whom I have seen one time since at a lunch we have once a month.  (By way of being completely honest about hearing from people.)

I have heard from no one in choir (I even play an online game with one person and he has said nothing nor from any other church member.

I have tried to make friendships, and hoped that I could consider the church my family.  Instead I find it a mass of cliques and it is impossible to break in.  I have asked, over the years, a few people with whom there seems to be a connection if they would like to go for coffee and none have accepted. (One did but it was for me to look over something she had written since I am published).

Do you think I am naive or stupid to have expected at least someone to notice my absence (I have run into 3 people in store, post office, library and not one mentioned, gee havent seen you at church).

Now, without the church I am completely alone but I cannot go back to somewhere where I have evidently been invisible.

Don't you think at least the minister should have made contact to make sure I am ok (since she knows I am alone) and to find out why I have not been back?

That no one else has called is a real sadness but I am also angry.  I have given a lot to that church.  I would have hoped at the least my presence, and now absence, would have been noted.


(I apologize for errors, I have not edited.)

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