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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 3:49AM #1
aarthi123
Posts: 28
hello everyone..


i am a doctor in india..currently am going through a very rough patch in my life and i am struggling to handle my life..

i have been in a long distance relationship for eight years with a guy who studied with me in school. i thought he was my friend but turns out he is not the guy i thought he was..
we convinced our parents..and even the wedding was fixed...my folks spent for the wedding , reception honeymoon ..his folks didnt spare a penny for the wedding..

but 2 days before the wedding his parents and sister created so much ruckus and still my folks agreed to everything they asked for..
i thought this guy will stand up for me since i thought he loved me..but he manhandled me and supported his family only...his family is the most conniving and malicious people i have ever met in my life..even his own relatives told that they are bad people ...
but still i loved him so much that i was blind to all these things..the wedding was called off but i tried my best to salvage the love...he threw me away and didnt even look back...

he ruined me physically and emotionally...i tried to commit suicide so many times..but still god is punishing me by keeping me alive...


please...everyone in my circle say that he doesn't deserve me ....but i was so faithful and true to him...i am just walking dead everyday...help me please....
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 4:02AM #2
karbie
Posts: 3,329

I know that at the moment you are wondering where his love went--but no decent man would treat you  in this way. Please come over to the Depression thread--I can promise you that you will be welcomed there and that the people there are supportive and caring...to the degree that many of our doctors consider this to be a valid support group. You've just had a horrible experience. Please check us out. I'm not a moderator--I'm just part of that group.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 6:19AM #3
aarthi123
Posts: 28

thank you so much for your kind words..


can you just send me the link for the thread you told me..


 

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 9:15AM #4
Iwantamotto
Posts: 9,234

aarthi123:  hello everyone..


i am a doctor in india..currently am going through a very rough patch in my life and i am struggling to handle my life..


i have been in a long distance relationship for eight years with a guy who studied with me in school. i thought he was my friend but turns out he is not the guy i thought he was.. we convinced our parents..and even the wedding was fixed...my folks spent for the wedding , reception honeymoon ..his folks didnt spare a penny for the wedding..


but 2 days before the wedding his parents and sister created so much ruckus and still my folks agreed to everything they asked for.. i thought this guy will stand up for me since i thought he loved me..but he manhandled me and supported his family only...his family is the most conniving and malicious people i have ever met in my life..even his own relatives told that they are bad people ... but still i loved him so much that i was blind to all these things..the wedding was called off but i tried my best to salvage the love...he threw me away and didnt even look back...


he ruined me physically and emotionally...i tried to commit suicide so many times..but still god is punishing me by keeping me alive...


please...everyone in my circle say that he doesn't deserve me ....but i was so faithful and true to him...i am just walking dead everyday...help me please....


Jesus ... welcome, hon.


Please don't commit suicide over that asshole and his evil little family.


I also don't want to stereotype, but from what I understand, India doesn't exactly have a reputation of chivalry.  It may be better to look for love in a country where women aren't treated like crap.


My mother sounds a lot like you:  she was devoted, he was a narcissistic monster.


You aren't being punished by remaining alive, pumpkin.  He's giving you a chance to climb up out of the pit.  Dead people don't progress.


You are welcome to private message me at any time.


You need to foster a connection with someone else, someone preferably who understands being tortured in an abusive relationship.


With all due respect to normal people, they don't have as much of an appreciation for the issues as hurt people do.


And I see you've found the Depression board.  That'll be good too. :)

Moderated by Stardove on Oct 22, 2013 - 02:38PM
Knock and the door shall open.  It's not my fault if you don't like the decor.
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 9:41AM #5
Aka_me
Posts: 14,464

Oct 22, 2013 -- 3:49AM, aarthi123 wrote:

please...everyone in my circle say that he doesn't deserve me ....but i was so faithful and true to him...i am just walking dead everyday...help me please....



I will say a prayer that God helps give you strength to put this tragic situation behind you.


my Faith group says "God never gives anyone challenges larger than they can handle"


and I have turned that into a mantra in order to get through one or two challenges myself.

I dream in my lifetime uhmericans will come to realize hezbollah, hamas, and isis gain followers by helping society AND the only way to defeat them is to perform greater good.

the average person is 8 times more likely to be murdered by a cop than a radical terrorist
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 9:59AM #6
BDboy
Posts: 8,220

Oct 22, 2013 -- 3:49AM, aarthi123 wrote:

hello everyone..


i am a doctor in india..currently am going through a very rough patch in my life and i am struggling to handle my life..

i have been in a long distance relationship for eight years with a guy who studied with me in school. i thought he was my friend but turns out he is not the guy i thought he was..
we convinced our parents..and even the wedding was fixed...my folks spent for the wedding , reception honeymoon ..his folks didnt spare a penny for the wedding..

but 2 days before the wedding his parents and sister created so much ruckus and still my folks agreed to everything they asked for..
i thought this guy will stand up for me since i thought he loved me..but he manhandled me and supported his family only...his family is the most conniving and malicious people i have ever met in my life..even his own relatives told that they are bad people ...
but still i loved him so much that i was blind to all these things..the wedding was called off but i tried my best to salvage the love...he threw me away and didnt even look back...

he ruined me physically and emotionally...i tried to commit suicide so many times..but still god is punishing me by keeping me alive...


please...everyone in my circle say that he doesn't deserve me ....but i was so faithful and true to him...i am just walking dead everyday...help me please....



 


>>>>>>>> If after such a long term relationship the man cannot stand up for you, you should THANK God that, he reveled himself BEORE you married him.


 


Instead of killing yourself, you should THANK God for the blessings. Just imagine if that happened AFTER you married him (And after having kids with the man).


It is never too late to start a new path. You have been faithful to your love and any man should consider himself VERY lucky if he had a faithful partner like yourself.


So stand up and carry on sista.


 


May peace be unto you.

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 10:08AM #7
Erey
Posts: 21,730

I promise you, you WILL get better.  This will hurt for awhile but not forever and you can handle it.  You will be happy again.


 


I think Karbie had a great suggestion that there are boards here that would be great for you in this time of personal crisis. 


 


God Bless


 

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 11:23AM #8
mountain_man
Posts: 44,029

Oct 22, 2013 -- 3:49AM, aarthi123 wrote:

....please...everyone in my circle say that he doesn't deserve me ....but i was so faithful and true to him...i am just walking dead everyday...help me please....



It's sad that some people are like that. I know it hurts now, but you may be better off without this guy and his toxic family. Remember one thing though; your self worth, your self image, should not come from what someone outside of you thinks of you. It should come from within.

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.   Isaac Asimov
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 1:33PM #9
aarthi123
Posts: 28

thank you all so much for taking your time off to help me..i am indebted..


i remain crammed up in my room ...though your kind words makes a lot of sense..my mind understands every single word you say..but my heart never seems to get it..i did whatever a girl could do for a guy she loves...but yet i can't stand the pain which started when he threw me away...money pleasure.. i gave him everything..he used me in every sense and i cant handle the betrayal.....i vouched for him every single time...


 


i am under anti depressants..and though am seeing patients...whenever i see a couple ..i can't stop picturising him and me. and that's why i remain crammed up in the room..feeling suicidal every single minute..


thanks again for your kind words...! and thanks to karbie too...


yet even now i was feeling suicidal...i did everything to die..yet i cannot die...living like this makes no sense ..whereas he is happy as one could be..his cousin who is a well wisher and a good friend of mine told me that he has moved on..how could anyone betray a girl and move on?? i surely cannot do that..


 


my mind says that i am better off being alone and god saved me..


but my heart still longs for him..loves him so much that the pain is terribly excruciating..every minute is walking on thousand knives...and to think of my family..they are hurt because am a living wreck..


imagine..8 years of true love..i stood up for him in every bitter situation...and when things came together..i was jubiliant about our wedding..everything was fixed..but just 2 days before the wedding everything tumbled down...i pray that no girl should be given such hope that she soars high in the sky and shot down one day...


 


you all are very kind to me...why should i suffer when it isnt my fault...why should god let me be a fool for 8 years and still haven't giiven me the strength to let him go..hate him..i dont know..


 


i thank you all once again sincerely...:((

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 22, 2013 - 2:21PM #10
Erey
Posts: 21,730

I can empathize with how you are feeling.  I can't help but feel that you might make better headway if you made some changes in your environment.  Maybe even if the changes are temporary - like leave town for awhile or even just take a short trip.  Can you do something like that? 


 


I don't think getting away from it all would solve all your problems but it might make you feel a bit more fresh and better ready to face your situation. 


Maybe a spa or some kind of healing retreat?  I know here I read about retreats usually affiliated with a church for people going through divorce or major loss.


It might sound counter-intuitive but if you could be around other people that are also hurting, maybe a support group?  You would be surprised that you can probably help other people going through major losses and in doing so also be a help to yourself. 


I think you are doing well being on anti-depressants and you seem to have some medical help but you probably also need some kind of spiritual guidance also.

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