Mar 15, 2012 -- 6:16PM, Elizabethmarkley wrote:

A very dear friend of mine has a rare and aggressive cancer. She was diagnosed a year ago and her diagnosis is that she is terminal. Although that doesn't mean that we aren't still fighting this with all that we have. Today I took her to a PET scan because she and her doctor both believe that her tumors have returned, which is actually common with this type of cancer. We were talking today after her appointment and the subject came up of an angry comment a friend had made to her. I told her that it was possible that she said this out of anger towards the cancer. Then I explained to her that we (those in her life) often have moments of anger towards this disease and towards the things that she has to go through because of it. I have tried so hard to be strong for her and to be her rock. As a result it had not occurred to her until today that I feel all of this too, but that I have been keeping it to myself. She said that she would rather see that than to have me hide it but honestly we don't have the luxury for me to break down every time I feel the need. Someone has to be strong. I know that sounds strange, but it is how I cope. It's how I am able to go to these appointments, watch her go through aganizing tests, listen to doctors issuing her a death sentence and to hold her during all of this and comfort her. I can do all of these things because I wait to cry until after I have dropped her off at home. It's my coping mechanism I guess. 

Anyway, there is no point to this post, just releasing I guess. This makes me feel like I'm not crying alone.

Thanks for listening.    

Sending prayers!