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3 years ago  ::  Mar 06, 2012 - 9:32AM #1
arabianhorselover
Posts: 81
i have been a compulsive overeater sine Junior High, I guess.  I have always felt guilty about it, and worried about my health because of it.  I have tried various programs and read many books.  Nothing has worked.  Basically, i don't want to give up the food.  It has been my comfort and friend for about as long as I can remember.  However, it has caused me so much grief.  I have been about 50 pounds overweight for the last 14 years.  I have high blood pressure, and a sore hip. which are not being helped by this.  Also, I feel so guilty that my husband has had to put up with an overweight wife all these years.  I know that this addiction separates me from God.  The thing is, I've been waiting all these eyars for something to happen that would make me willing to change.  The problem is that a compulsive overeater doesn't necessarily "hit bottom".  That may not happen to me for a very long time, and I don't want to wait till it does.

I can't make myself willing to change.  I don't feel like there is any hope for me.
God Has Always Been With Me - Even Though I Haven't Realized It.
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 08, 2012 - 3:15AM #2
Bob_the_Lunatic
Posts: 3,458

Hi Arabian,


Just a couple thoughts:  First, I don't see overeating as anything different than any other addiction.  They are all delusions that we convince ourselves we need, right?  They are cages we build around ourselves... which means two things:


1/  By feeding (no pun) the addiciton, we humiliate ourselves... digging deeper with every drink, puff, bite, whatever.


2/  We built the cage, we can destroy it.



Now on your rock bottom comment.  First of all, 12 steppers like to toss around slogans-many of them don't actually think about it.  Rock Bottom is DEATH.  So you don't wanna hit rock bottom-but clearly your concerns (heart attack, stroke, etc.) are partially about death.  So don't look at rock bottom as the thing that got other people sober/straight/skinny whatever-that's my advice.  


I got myself addicted to marijuana very badly-it was pointless, I smoked so much, yet it had no effect on me as I had such a high tolerance.  It was all mental, ultimately they (addictions) always are-regardless of what we convince ourselves we get or dont get.


So while rock bottom is a misnomer-I think what we really mean is "Despair".  For example, I woke up for 3 years... and by the time I got in the shower each morning (ie 5 minutes from waking) I was already feelilng horrible, seeing the cage I'd built, wanting to quit-it was awful.  Terrible way to start a day, I bet you can relate.


For me - it was strange, I had tried to quit, couldn't do it, I was quite pathetic.  Then I started seeing a shrink for a variety of problems.  He told me, "well I cannot help you unless you quit doing that".  And for some strange reason-that was all I needed to hear, and I quit.  I definitely credit my practice of faith at the time, it was pretty strong (Buddhism mind you, nothing with gods)  It wasn't hard or anything that time-I walked away and never looked back, that was about 12 years ago.



I do think things like that could happen for eating too-something clicks in the mind, perhaps it clicked in junior high for you in the opposite way.  Although quitting seems to tend to be sudden, while addiction is a slow process... you slowly trick yourself into it.



My wife struggles at least mentally with her weight.   I question if she'd be satisfied if she weighed 110.  She won't accept my sincere compliments (she's getting better though), it's her way of avoiding thinking positively about herself.  So this IS an image thing, (I believe) and I imagine you know that.  I think she's beautiful... but I want her to feel good about herself, so I've been supportive through countless diets and witnessing her self masochism lol.


Anyway, she knows a lot about diets.  She did HCG for a while, which I think is all the rage now.  But after 4-5 rounds and doing it on and off for about 1 1/2 years, upon further research she decided it's BS.  Now she's onto a new diet that also addressed imbalances.  She had to do a lot of bloodwork up front to sum her situation up etc.   Anyway, she knows a lot about dieting and always has success-but not lasting success.  Thus the new diet that seems to have reason in it to her.   If you are interested in that, or discussing it with her, let me know, she'd be happy to help :)


Oh, and my wife has helped many people.  Her aunt, who lost 40 lbs in 30 days, my sister who has a story much like yours (ongoing problem since junior high), who has maintained her weight, going from 220lb to 180-185lb... that's 35-40lbs.  So your goal (50lbs?) is certainly possible.. how bad do you want it?  That's rock bottom arabian-when you want it so bad, you stop fighting yourself and give in to a new path.    That's the moment of despair where you start being your own friend.


And likewise, consider me at your service as well, if there's anything I can do.

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3 years ago  ::  Mar 08, 2012 - 3:27AM #3
Bob_the_Lunatic
Posts: 3,458

ah one more thing:


I don't want to give the impression that I'm fixed Arabian.  I'm not lol, I'm an ongoing work in progress.  Know why?  Because I too am VERY compulsive.  I still smoke, they say it's more addictive than heroin.  I wonder how addictive food is, it's gotta be comparable.  Like cigarettes, it's a many time a day thing, and it's legal lol, they have huge stores devoted to YOU feeding YOUR addiction lol.  One could argue it's worse-You can live without cigarettes, pot, alcohol, heroin-but you MUST eat.  So that would be like me needing to smoke only 2 cigarettes a day lol, that would be tough, when I want to smoke 20.  Perhaps it's the most difficult addiction there is.


Just remember, we all have our struggles and life is a battle between the self, and the mind.  It sure as hell isn't easy.  But it's better to try and fail than to sit on our butts and humiliate ourselves.  So my advice is do something different, even if it ends in failure, odds are very good you'll have moments that make you feel good again... and maybe enough of those, and you'll "snap out of it"?


For example:   I'm currently too "afraid" I think to quit smoking.  But I too am concerned about my health, mostly I think about my children....   A boy at school was talking about how smoking will kill you to my six year old daughter and she said "My daddy smokes" and he said "Well your daddy's gonna die"... naturally she started crying.   I would think that would be enough to get me to quit-but it wasn't.


However, last December I started working out, lifting weights and trying to run.  I've had some failed weeks but mostly I've stuck to it.  But I still only run about 3/5 of a mile per day, pretty weak, but it's a start, it's an improvement. 


So that's one idea to consider-as it's similar:  You wouldn't be not eating, you'd be attacking your addiction where it doesn't expect it.   That was my thinking anyway.  I figure if I'm clever enough, I can out think myself.  


Just some thoughts to share my current struggles with you, so at the very least you know many of us feel the same way, even if you don't see it in our faces.

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3 years ago  ::  Mar 08, 2012 - 8:08AM #4
arabianhorselover
Posts: 81

Thank you so much for reaching out and trying to help me.  It is pretty obvious that nobody else even knows where to begin. Thank you for sharing your struggles and victories.  I think it is great that you are exercising, etc.  I actually do exercise some, but not enough.  I have been ging to Curves for close to seven years now.  It is by far the longest I have ever stuck to any exercise.  I also walk, but not enough, especially in the Winter.  I am in the U.P. of Michigan, and we get a LOT of snow and cold.  Good excuse, huh?


This has been such a long-standing problem for me.  I really can't imagine not being this way.  Like you, I have been so scared to give this up.  I just can't imagine what i would do without my "treats".  It is so crazy how all the negative things about it don't stop you from doing it.  I, too, have felt so guilty regarding my children.  I have not wanted this to affect them, but I'm sure it has.  We don't have any particular mealtimes at our house.  Everyone just pretty much eats whenever.  And then there's the worry about me dying before I should.  Can you imagine anything worse than laying in your death bed trying to explain to your children that you are dying because of your own behavior?


Well, i have to get back to work now.  Hope to talk more.


Lisa



God Has Always Been With Me - Even Though I Haven't Realized It.
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 09, 2012 - 9:48AM #5
Bob_the_Lunatic
Posts: 3,458

Mar 8, 2012 -- 8:08AM, arabianhorselover wrote:


Thank you so much for reaching out and trying to help me.  It is pretty obvious that nobody else even knows where to begin. Thank you for sharing your struggles and victories.  I think it is great that you are exercising, etc.  I actually do exercise some, but not enough.  I have been ging to Curves for close to seven years now.  It is by far the longest I have ever stuck to any exercise.  I also walk, but not enough, especially in the Winter.  I am in the U.P. of Michigan, and we get a LOT of snow and cold.  Good excuse, huh?


This has been such a long-standing problem for me.  I really can't imagine not being this way.  Like you, I have been so scared to give this up.  I just can't imagine what i would do without my "treats".  It is so crazy how all the negative things about it don't stop you from doing it.  I, too, have felt so guilty regarding my children.  I have not wanted this to affect them, but I'm sure it has.  We don't have any particular mealtimes at our house.  Everyone just pretty much eats whenever.  And then there's the worry about me dying before I should.  Can you imagine anything worse than laying in your death bed trying to explain to your children that you are dying because of your own behavior?


Well, i have to get back to work now.  Hope to talk more.


Lisa






Hi Lisa, I can certainly relate-it's scary to step outside or away from our security blankets.


I know this diet my wife is on is all about sugar, apparently sugar is quite evil, sugar is the true cause of WWII and so forth.  However, she's been making very good food lately, VERY GOOD, that has no sugar in it.  So I'm digging this diet as she appears to be learning more about cooking too (not that she was bad at it prior).


Anyway, that's great about the exercising, 7 years is a long time!  But if it's not helping you lose weight you might want to mix it up and try different things.  On this diet, my wife has already lost 7 pounds in 3 days, her diets are always fun to watch, it's like a drama movie, with moments of high excitement, disappointment and so forth.  She also has a crapload of energy, acting almost like someone on speed (talking a lot, bouncing around, cleaning like a nut, interrupting me a lot, etc.)


If you want I'll keep you updated on here progress.  

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3 years ago  ::  Mar 09, 2012 - 10:02AM #6
arabianhorselover
Posts: 81

Well, the reason I don't lose weight is because I eat so much.  The exercise couldn't possibly keep up.


I have never been the dieting type, and I'm not looking for a diet now.  What I have to do is control this addiction to eating all the time.


I wish your wife luck on her latest diet, but it sounds like she needs to "get real".



God Has Always Been With Me - Even Though I Haven't Realized It.
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 09, 2012 - 2:27PM #7
Seefan
Posts: 3,955

Mar 9, 2012 -- 10:02AM, arabianhorselover wrote:


Well, the reason I don't lose weight is because I eat so much.  The exercise couldn't possibly keep up.


I have never been the dieting type, and I'm not looking for a diet now.  What I have to do is control this addiction to eating all the time.


I wish your wife luck on her latest diet, but it sounds like she needs to "get real". 



I know little to nothing about weight problems and how to deal with them.  My wife is overweight partly because of the amount of food she eats but I suspect mainly because of the type of food she eats.  It seems to me that those who eat way too much do, as you suggest, need to control the amount, but as Bob's wife and possible mine, diet to direct one to the right types as well as the right amount seems like it could be beneficial if it's not crash diet.  Things like weight watchers and tops have had success for those who take it seriously, but I also think adding an exercise routine is essential in whatever path followed ...


In my own efforts at keeping in reasonable shape I know a lot of personal fortitude and effort is required ....


Just an opinion for what it's worth! 


However, good luck  ...


 

Today the one overriding need is unity and harmony among the beloved of the Lord, for they should have among them but one heart and soul and should, so far as in them lieth, unitedly withstand the hostility of all the peoples of the world ... (Baha'i Writings)
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 09, 2012 - 2:52PM #8
arabianhorselover
Posts: 81

Thank you, but someone such as myself, who has a very long-standing problem with food, cannot follow any of these weight loss programs.  If I could, i would have done it long ago.



God Has Always Been With Me - Even Though I Haven't Realized It.
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3 years ago  ::  Mar 09, 2012 - 9:04PM #9
Bob_the_Lunatic
Posts: 3,458

Mar 9, 2012 -- 10:02AM, arabianhorselover wrote:


Well, the reason I don't lose weight is because I eat so much.  The exercise couldn't possibly keep up.


I have never been the dieting type, and I'm not looking for a diet now.  What I have to do is control this addiction to eating all the time.


I wish your wife luck on her latest diet, but it sounds like she needs to "get real".






Somewhat, but her crazy schemes aren't 1/2 as crazy as mine, so I mind my business and say "yes dear".

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3 years ago  ::  Mar 09, 2012 - 9:07PM #10
Bob_the_Lunatic
Posts: 3,458

Mar 9, 2012 -- 2:52PM, arabianhorselover wrote:


Thank you, but someone such as myself, who has a very long-standing problem with food, cannot follow any of these weight loss programs.  If I could, i would have done it long ago.






Just to try to make you laugh:



When Homer Simpson cannot do even one sit-up, Mr. Burns says "Oh screw it, I'll just pay for the damned surgery."

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