6 years ago :: Oct 24, 2011 - 4:38PM #1 | |
Hello everyone. I used to have an account here under Jimm Haley a couple of years back. I was fighting depression then and came to find a wonderful support system in the people here. I've returned, with my full name: Jimmi Haley Frobisher, although I do go by "Jimm" most of the time.
I did drop by the last 12 months every now and then just to see what was going on. I've moved on a little in life but struggle with the occasional demon of depression. I'm fighting with one now, I must say; this morning I awoke thinking "What's the point?" and with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. Seeing my three kids snapped me out of it, at least for a while, but behind the joy there's a sad, lonely feeling weighing me down. I have a ways to go, obviously. But coming here has already been healing. It's nice to see a couple of old names. Karbie, there you are -- even as the world crumbles around us you're always here, like a pillar that we all lean upon and can count on. I'm very sorry to have read about the loss of your uncle. People glibly say that "life is terminal" but that hardly assuages the pain of loss we feel when someone important to us goes somewhere we can't immediately follow. My best wishes to you all. I hope I can help others here as I have been helped in the past. |
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6 years ago :: Oct 24, 2011 - 5:58PM #2 | |
Jimmi: |
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6 years ago :: Oct 25, 2011 - 1:25PM #3 | |
Marlene, thank you for the welcome back and for sharing such a terribly painful chapter of your life with me. As I read your narrative I felt my heart breaking. What a horrific experience. I can't even begin to imagine the anguish you have endured over the years. There are no regrets worse than the "what if" ones. I wish there was a simple way to find you solace, but there isn't one. You have grieved for so long, and will continue to grieve. All I can offer you is my heartfelt sympathies, and a shoulder should you ever find you need to simply rest your head and cry. Sometimes I wonder if life isn't about how we handle our pain. Presenting a "stiff upper lip" is a purely social construct. What we do inside ourselves, how our spirit handles the agony of our day-to-day struggles, is I think some measure of who we are as people. Some of the strongest people I know take the time to cry or feel rage. Maybe I could take a lesson from them. Thanks again for sharing with me, Marlene. All the best to you. |
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6 years ago :: Oct 25, 2011 - 2:01PM #4 | |
Dear Jimmi, It's wonderful to see you back here! Thank you for your kind words--I don't know if I'm a pillar, but everyone here is part of an electronic family/support group of choice. there's a pain support group through my pain doctor, but it involves hours of sitting on uncomfortable chairs and going out in all sorts of weather. I don't have to do that here and we don't have to deal with the externals. I seem to remember you jumping in to help others when you'd been coming here about 2 wees. You've been missed, dear friend. I'm glad that looking at your sons helped with the suicidal thoughts. Once I realized that my son's chances of committing suicide rose by 50% if one of his parents died, I knew it was a legacy I couldn't leave him no matter what. so keep that in mind, and if you have to dig deep, just think of one of them being the one to find you. Before I has my son, the person who would have found me when I was in a truly dark time would have been my mother. Although I still think our family doctor was cheating. He had given us both Dalmane as a sleeping pill. They left such a horrible taste in your mouth there was no possibility of taking a large enough dose to kill yourself because you wouldn't have been able to keep them down long enough. He didn't even bother to deny it. Sorry--but I'm not sure where you are in the isolation phase--much better, since you've come back home to us. Part of my funk is a side effect of an antibiotic..Although in a way it is a sleep aid. You have to sit up for 10 minutes after you take it, and you immediately want to lie down and go to sleep. Probably just my contrary streak. I'm told that my first complete sentence was "No.Mine. Do it myself!" Thank you for your sympathy over my uncle's death.I know that his spirit soared to be with my aunt again. She was only 68 and they were truly soulmates and each other's friends as well as equal partners. She'd gotten him through the loss of his best friend for life just months before she died.While I wish we'd all had a little more time, when the prognosis changed from months to days, we all stepped back to be sure any lucid moments he had were spent with his kids. I'm grateful for every second of pain he didn't have to endure and I'm looking at it that way. He'd had a horrible preview watching Hal die after months of agony. He woke up long enough to tell his kids that he loved them, his eldest daughter got to be sure that he really knew she was there, and he was gone in an hour. I'll see everyone again some day. I'm just not in a particular rush about it. I'm so glad to have you home!
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." these are both from my father. |
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6 years ago :: Oct 26, 2011 - 12:27PM #5 | |
Hi Jimmi, welcome back. It's nice to see you too Marlene. If you haven't already done so please consider checking in at the "front desk". |
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6 years ago :: Oct 27, 2011 - 5:37PM #6 | |
Jimmi, Marlene,
Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.
---Psalm 118:24 |
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6 years ago :: Oct 27, 2011 - 5:43PM #7 | |
JoyceB53: |
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6 years ago :: Oct 29, 2011 - 10:01PM #8 | |
Y'welcome. Saw your post on the Front Desk. Keep posting there, I think you'll like it, ok?
Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.
---Psalm 118:24 |
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