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Switch to Forum Live View Farewell, my friend
3 years ago  ::  Apr 15, 2011 - 8:24PM #1
Lahnjules
Posts: 14

One may question depth and authenticity of online friendships. By its  nature, online exchange is two dimensional, mostly through written  words. There is more of a self-editing process compared to in-person  exchange. It’s only natural, I suppose.


That being said, there was one friend I became acquainted with via  online who defied that general view. He seemed to embody goodness both  in word and in deed. A person I never met in person but felt to be  genuine. He was good-natured and supportive of not just me but everyone he encountered. His words of encouragement  and validation often lifted my downcast spirit. A good friend, indeed.


Today I learned that he has passed away. I am in shock and am  grieving. My friend and I had not communicated much recently but only  few days ago we exchanged emails about how we were doing, catching up in  a way. I don’t know. Again I am shaken by the uncertainty and frailty  of human life. Certainly, each passing of those we care about and love  hurts immensely. Yet, in the midst of sorrow, there is comfort in  believing that the person is at peace… that death is integral part of  life and it gives life deeper meaning and purpose.


I didn’t know my friend for a very long time but no doubt he left a  legacy of someone who inspired and blessed others he encountered. I am  one of those fortunate people.






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3 years ago  ::  Apr 20, 2011 - 4:39PM #2
Estacia
Posts: 2,209

The pain and personal torment of lossing a loved one is horrific. I have lost many in my life. My whole family has passed and I'm only 31.


I can tell you as life goes by... so does the pain.


The pain (in time) will be more copeable.


My thoughts are with you.


Stacey

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3 years ago  ::  Apr 22, 2011 - 1:04PM #3
Lahnjules
Posts: 14

Apr 20, 2011 -- 4:39PM, Estacia wrote:

The pain and personal torment of lossing a loved one is horrific. I have lost many in my life. My whole family has passed and I'm only 31.


I can tell you as life goes by... so does the pain.


The pain (in time) will be more copeable.


My thoughts are with you.


Stacey


Hello Stacey,


Thank you so much for your caring, comforting words.


I'm sorry to hear about your deep loss of your loved ones so early on.


My thoughts are with you as well.


Blessings,


Lahn

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3 years ago  ::  May 05, 2011 - 2:49AM #4
karbie
Posts: 3,329

Here's something I know from personal experience--the people who loved us in life still love us after they die. I was terrified of death when my father died. I was barely 19, and he died 2 weeks after his 47th birthday. i still had both sets of grandparents, so I wasn't prepared for the amount of pain I felt. I knew he could die at any time after the 3rd heart attack. A picture of him taken 4 days before he died looked like he was in vibrant health.


I found out when my paternal Grandpa died before the call came. I was upstairs and was suddenly completely wrapped in love that could only be Grandpa. I wasn't too surprised when the call came through telling me he'd died 150 miles away at about the same time I got my parting gift from him. He took away my fear of death by showing me that who we are survives and that love goes on. I've read that whenever we think of them with love they know it.


It doesn't mean we don't miss them. My sister, Mother and I were with my maternal Grandma when she died. I still miss her very much. Isn't fair, since she was over 100 when she died. I'm by no means the most psychic person in my family--mine is more like empathy or when someone needs to know they've made a connection with someone else. I have a bunch of physical problems but I'm not eligible for disability. Maybe it's pain lowering barriers.


I'm sorry for both of your pain. Losing your family or your closest friend are horrible things to go through. I can at least tell you that no one else has the right to tell you when you should be over things. Somehow the 3 days off for the funeral has come to stand for the mourning period. Nutty as they may have been on somethings, the idea to cut someone wearing mourning or a black armband for men extra slack during at least the first year of grief was a more civilized take on grief than we have now.


A very good friend of mine used to e-mail me almost every day. I'd cleared out some old ones, thinking there would be more. In fact, my sister in law and I mourned her together  to fill that gap, which would have pleased Sue. Me, I got strange computer things--like telling me an e-mail to her husband had been received by her complete name. I didn't know her middle name and it wasn't in my computer. Had an anniversary card fall out of my cookbook shelves a week before our anniversary but years after she'd died. That sort of thing. It isn't where I keep cards, either.


But she came to my s-i-l in dreams after she had died, and the second was so vivid she told me she could hug her, feel her hug her back. She gave her the same message each time-"I'm just dead. I'm not gone." It's the same. Whatever force moves our bodies and minds around doesn't die, and they don't stop loving us because they aren't dragging around a body any more. It goes back to join all the others we love.


I'm glad that you had such a great cyber-friend.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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3 years ago  ::  May 06, 2011 - 9:23PM #5
Lahnjules
Posts: 14

May 5, 2011 -- 2:49AM, karbie wrote:

Here's something I know from personal experience--the people who loved us in life still love us after they die. I was terrified of death when my father died. I was barely 19, and he died 2 weeks after his 47th birthday. i still had both sets of grandparents, so I wasn't prepared for the amount of pain I felt. I knew he could die at any time after the 3rd heart attack. A picture of him taken 4 days before he died looked like he was in vibrant health.


I found out when my paternal Grandpa died before the call came. I was upstairs and was suddenly completely wrapped in love that could only be Grandpa. I wasn't too surprised when the call came through telling me he'd died 150 miles away at about the same time I got my parting gift from him. He took away my fear of death by showing me that who we are survives and that love goes on. I've read that whenever we think of them with love they know it.


It doesn't mean we don't miss them. My sister, Mother and I were with my maternal Grandma when she died. I still miss her very much. Isn't fair, since she was over 100 when she died. I'm by no means the most psychic person in my family--mine is more like empathy or when someone needs to know they've made a connection with someone else. I have a bunch of physical problems but I'm not eligible for disability. Maybe it's pain lowering barriers.


I'm sorry for both of your pain. Losing your family or your closest friend are horrible things to go through. I can at least tell you that no one else has the right to tell you when you should be over things. Somehow the 3 days off for the funeral has come to stand for the mourning period. Nutty as they may have been on somethings, the idea to cut someone wearing mourning or a black armband for men extra slack during at least the first year of grief was a more civilized take on grief than we have now.


A very good friend of mine used to e-mail me almost every day. I'd cleared out some old ones, thinking there would be more. In fact, my sister in law and I mourned her together  to fill that gap, which would have pleased Sue. Me, I got strange computer things--like telling me an e-mail to her husband had been received by her complete name. I didn't know her middle name and it wasn't in my computer. Had an anniversary card fall out of my cookbook shelves a week before our anniversary but years after she'd died. That sort of thing. It isn't where I keep cards, either.


But she came to my s-i-l in dreams after she had died, and the second was so vivid she told me she could hug her, feel her hug her back. She gave her the same message each time-"I'm just dead. I'm not gone." It's the same. Whatever force moves our bodies and minds around doesn't die, and they don't stop loving us because they aren't dragging around a body any more. It goes back to join all the others we love.


I'm glad that you had such a great cyber-friend.


Dear Karbie,


What a powerful story and message you have shared here. I'm grateful for your openness and generosity of spirit. Honestly, I don't know what comes after death but sense we live on in another form. There were many deaths of people I knew in the past few years and at times, I have felt their presence as you allude to. It's always comforting to hear others' experiences, such as yours, when coming to terms with losing loved ones. Thank you for your sympathy. Common experiences and caring connection make the hurt more bearable, don't they?


Your words are wise and compassionate. I will remember them as I process my grief. This friend's death was so sudden and triggered other losses I had that perhaps didn't fully get processed. But then, does the grieving process ever fully end... in the sense of missing them in our lives?


I'm sorry to hear about your physical problems. Living with a chronic condition myself, I can  empathize. I wish you many blessings. And I wish you abiding peace and joy independent of condtions and circumstances. Thank you again for your kindness by sharing your poignant story. I'm touched.

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3 years ago  ::  May 07, 2011 - 12:25AM #6
karbie
Posts: 3,329

Thank you for your kind words. I'd rather risk being considered a flake than not share experiences that might help someone else. My Grandpa had a very generous soul-he was trying to give Grandma the shirt off his back to keep her warm while she was calling for the ambulance. So I honor his memory by passing on his final gift to me.


 I hope time will ease your pain. I think in many ways we get to avoid a lot of barriers with our on-line friends. It doesn't matter what we are wearing, what we are driving or where we work, especially since only a fortunate few are able to get paid for doing something they love.


I'm glad that you found your way to beliefnet--in the years that I've been here, so many people have found there way here when they need it the most that it is more than a coincidence.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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