|2 years ago :: Jan 11, 2011 - 12:00AM #1|
i am in tear today writting to you, my life is complicated.
i came to this country to have a family, i married my actual husband five years ago, he has 2 children from previous marriage, they have been living with us for 5 years now.
2 weeks ago my stepdaugther (16 years) fisical attack my husband and me. she has been verbally disrespectfull with me and my husband since day one when she came to live with us.
3 years ago she told me she hate me, she curse at me and call me the b... word. when thing like this happend the next day she will apologize and move on.
since the incident of 2 weeks ago she make amend with my husband but has been verbally insulting me since them, told me again infront of my husband that she hates me and i am b.. all this infront of my other 2 children.
I dont klnow what to do, i have to live in my room to avoid contact with her. i feel a prisioner in my own house, my husband does not care that she treats me like that as long as he is okay with her. i have to separate myself from my family, because we cant be together in the same room, if i am near her she will insult me, she wont eat my food because she says i will poison her.
i love my husban and my kid, but i can't live like this, i cry every night, i have lost my family, and i have no support. my husband is asking to not care, he gets upset if a cry and he only cares that his daugther is doing good by him.
|2 years ago :: Jan 11, 2011 - 10:18AM #2|
I'm so sorry that you are in a living hell right now. The person who should be going to a room away from the family is obviously your stepdaughter. Have you tried telling your husband that when she is violent and abusive to you, she is being disrespectful to him? After all, you are the woman he married and the mother of his youngest children. She is also teaching the other children a behavior that will not do them any favors for the rest of their lives. Most of all, what she is doing is teaching the males it's okay to treat women with verbal and even physical abuse. The girls are being raised to think it is okay to let someone treat them the way they see you being hurt and their father not doing a damn thing about it. that's not something any of the other children need to think is okay; it's not just you she is damaging.
Oh, my...Princess Hateful won't eat your cooking? She will if she gets hungry enough. I'm sure that some of the children wonder why she's getting away with all this. What your husband needs to tell her is
She's a bully. She's actually mirroring animal behavior--whoever gets to be closest to the pact leader is the alpha female.
She can't be physically abusive and verbally abusive and get away with it. If she thinks she can get away with attacking the adults...then the other children are in danger as long as she is there.
Abusers come from all levels of income. The people in a wealthy home are just as much at risk. She needs discipline. She needs to know that she can't continue her behavior. I think she needs some counselling , and especially some anger management skills with her hormones raging right now. Is there someone else's home she can be sent to reinforce that living with all of you is a privilege she now has to re-earn. If not, I'd take the other kids and go to a shelter for Domestic Abuse because she is definitely abusing you, honey. She's been counting on your husband's love for her, guilt because his first marriage didn't work out, anad even some back-handed pride in how forceful she is. I'm saying all of this because at the moment she's headed for prison and in 2 years she won't be a minor anymore.
One of the traits of an abuser is to isolate their victim from their friends and family--and she's doing it in YOUR home. to denigrate them and make them feel there's no way out for them. The other bad part is that if the abuser's victim has children, they will also become targets to prove both to the kids and the victim that they can do whatever they want because the abuser has all of the power.
I know that things are bad enough for you that you don't need to have a stranger seem to be down your throat. Please know that I admire the love and compassion in your heart to accept your stepchildren so thoroughly into your heart. No one deserves to live in such a negative, tense atmosphere and it can't help but damage the other kids. Most counceling places work on a sliding scale depending on income. I think she's still young enough to turn this around.
I have never advised this to anyone in my life before, but I'd try contacting Dr.Phil or Maury to see if anyone on their websites can help you or even invite you on their show.I understand perfectly if you'd rather keep your family secrets private. I'm just trying to think of some way to help you get through this horrible time in your life.
I'll make it a point to check this site everyday. IF there are things you don't want everyone to to know every detail, you can also e-mail through the member to member service. In the meantime, you and yours will be in my prayers.
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.