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2 years ago :: Feb 08, 2011 - 9:31AM #141

Guessses

Posts: 2,233

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does !!!
Savasana
Position of total relaxation.

Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.

Halasana
Excellent for back pain and insomnia.

Dolphin
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.

Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana
This position is great for massaging the hip area.

Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.

Pigeon
Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.
So in the interest of healthy relaxation ... let's start drinking !! ...............

Life really boils down
to 2 questions...

1. Should I get a dog.....?

OR...

2. Should I have children?

Just to let you know
I'm thinking of you today.

No matter what situations life throws at you....

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem..

Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You're laughing aren't you?
That's good 'cause my job here is done!

Have a great day and remember to give thanks....

Cats are so dramatic!

Now that I made you smile,
pass it on to someone else
who needs a laugh today!

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"

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2 years ago :: Feb 08, 2011 - 1:34PM #142

Guessses

Posts: 2,233

...I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

....I had amnesia once -- or twice.

....Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

...All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy..

....If the world was a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.

....What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

....They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.

....Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

....One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

....My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

....I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

....The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

....How can there be self-help "groups"?

....Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

....Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

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2 years ago :: Feb 09, 2011 - 9:05AM #143

Guessses

Posts: 2,233

If Men Wrote The Dear Abby Column...

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing...your best friend.   Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too?   If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it.   Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home.   Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's great time to clean the house too!) Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it on your own time or ask your best friend to help.   You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay.   What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood.   Stop being so selfish!   Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm and then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem.   Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

**********

A fraternity brother confronted a junior member, telling him, "A
sorority girl is running around campus telling people you have a
small dick." "Yeah?" the junior member replied. "Well, she has a big
mouth."

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

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2 years ago :: Feb 09, 2011 - 9:38AM #144

Guessses

Posts: 2,233

I Kissed A Girl (Parody) - Katy Perry - Elderly Remix

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IPDOB4yzzo

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2 years ago :: Feb 09, 2011 - 9:56AM #145

Guessses

Posts: 2,233

Katy Perry Firework Parody - The Key of Awesome

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui9C5KOmnAc&NR=1...

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2 years ago :: Feb 10, 2011 - 3:06PM #146

JoyceB53

Posts: 1,778

Many giggles as usual, thanks. Joyce, didn't expect the punch line that was on your joke, lol.

I liked the "Fireworks" parody better than the original, lol...doesn't say much for my tastes, now does it?

Not one of the photos came thru for me, tho, so all the yoga poses? Well, I have no clue, sigh.

I am, however, mighty glad to be single, even if sometimes I am "Lonesome Tonight," because a blow job and cooking a man a good meal are NOT in my top ten faves, lol. 'Course, that might explain why I'm single, eh?

Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.

---Psalm 118:24

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2 years ago :: Feb 13, 2011 - 10:28AM #147

Guessses

Posts: 2,233

Sent by my Dad, LOL

Little Susie was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Susie, who created the universe?'

When Susie didn't stir, little Johnny who was her

friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Susie.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class..

A little later the Nun asked Susie, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Susie didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck her in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Susie.

And the Nun once again said, 'Very good,' and Susie fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve

say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Susie jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.

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2 years ago :: Feb 13, 2011 - 3:38PM #148

JoyceB53

Posts: 1,778

Two nuns were standing at a city bus stop, listening to two men trying to decide where to go on vacation.

The first man said, "Why don't we go to Miami this year?"

To which the second man replied, "Oh, no, there's too many Catholics there. How about we go to Daytona, instead?"

"Nah," answered the first man, "I think there's too many Catholics, there, too. My wife suggested something different, like how about Saratoga?"

"Good grief, man, what are you thinking," sputtered the second man. Don't you know how many Catholics there are in Saratoga?!?!"

This went on for quite a while, and finally, in total disgust, the elder of the two nuns spoke up and very sweetly said to the men, "Why don't you both go to Hell? You won't find many Catholics there at all?!?!?!"

Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.

---Psalm 118:24

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2 years ago :: Feb 14, 2011 - 4:32PM #149

karbie

Posts: 2,865

And here's a very brief--but real comment. I was watching Pit Bulls and Parollees, and one mother visiting with tia and her own son who had sent a video requesting to adopt a dog. His mother said "That one never gave me a bit of trouble bringing him into the world...but God! after that!" which pretty much sums up parenting to some degree.

But as to all of the Catholics in Hell--I'm not sure how large their congregations are, but I've no doubt there are more than enough clergy to take care of it.

Too many innuendos came to mind just then.

Actually I'd think the girl's final answer was right. Made me think of the peasants on the Czar's estates who had 69 children. Fortunately some of these were multiple births, and the woman was given a medal of honor for Labor. She should have gone for my great-grandma's sure-fire birth control--after Grandma was born, there was always at least one child sleeping between them in the bed. Both of my grandma's were born in 1908 and there was enough of an age difference that 2 of her older brothers fought in WWI.

Now, if they'd just had a "Dear Abby" column like that, think of how many less kids they might have had.

However, there's one other reason the husbands were being so selfless. Birth control pills can have serious side effects, like blood clots, strokes, and heart attacks. Also weight gain,mood swings, and irritability. She can satisfy the desire to go shopping by going to the stores to get the ingredients for a good meal.

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.

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