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3 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2011 - 2:04PM #181
Guessses
Posts: 2,233
DOCTORS NOTES ON PATIENTS' CHARTS: (ACTUAL NOTES UNEDITED!)


- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over
A year.


- On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it
Disappeared completely.


- She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
She was very hot in bed last night.


- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me
In 1993.


- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
To be depressed.


- Discharge status: Alive but without permission.


- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert
But forgetful.


- The patient refused an autopsy.


- The patient has no past history of suicides.


- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.


- Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
With only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


- She is numb from her toes down.


- While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.


- The skin was moist and dry.


- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.


- Patient was alert and unresponsive.


- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
Therapy.


- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


- Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.


- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
Job as a stockbroker instead.


- Skin: Somewhat pale but present.


- The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.


- Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. X, who felt we should
Sit on the abdomen and I agree.


- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


- Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


- Patient appears responsive, but unable to communicate with me.


- Bladder is under control, but cannot stop urine from seeping.


- Heart problem is fixed. Patient died at 10:07 this morning.


- Complains of chest pain occasionally. Otherwise just a pain.


- Patient is always telling me about her pains and problems. This
Remains a significant pain to me.


- The blood workup showed no antibodies present. Need the rest of
The blood to be sure, however.


- If it weren't for the fact that the patient is dead, I would
Say he was in perfect health.


- Testicles are missing on this woman.

 

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Jul 06, 2011 - 5:32PM #182
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Mistranslated ads!

  • Parker Pens: The slogan "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you" was translated in Mexico by wrongly using the word "embarazer", and so became "It won't leak in your pocket and impregnate you".
  • Electrolux: The Scandinavian firm's slogan meant something rather different when it was used to tell American consumers "Nothing Sucks Like an Electrolux".
  • General Motors: The Nova is a very successful model for GM, and so naturally the company wanted to launch it in Mexico. Unfortunately, in Spanish 'no va' means 'It doesn't go'.
  • Pepsi: It's not just straight translation but nuance that lays in wait for the unwary copywriter. When Pepsi unleashed it "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" slogan in China it translated as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead".
  • Clairol: The company's Mist Stick curling iron proved rather unattractive when offered to the German market. It turns out 'mist' in slang for manure.
  • Wang: In the 1970s, American computer firm Wang required some explanation of why it's successful slogan would not work in the UK. The slogan? Wang Cares.
  • Some products do surprisingly well in spite of unfortunate names. In Australia, Nad's hair removal products are very popular, despite nads being slang for testicles.

 

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Jul 07, 2011 - 1:30PM #183
JoyceB53
Posts: 2,328

Thanks, Mike.  Once again you've made me laugh out loud...but at least this time it's not in the middle of the night when my neighbors would hate me(that's how thin the walls are here).  Sadly, tho, the little short French guy will forever be known to me now as "Linoleum Blownapart!!!"  LOL!!!

Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.

---Psalm 118:24
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3 years ago  ::  Jul 11, 2011 - 7:10PM #184
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Dear Penis (LOL)


www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvuJO3cB7Xo&feat...


 

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
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3 years ago  ::  Jul 12, 2011 - 10:22AM #185
Guessses
Posts: 2,233

Camel Toe Song! (LOL)


 


www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBIGwtyqBhA

Infinite Blessings
Mike/NAFOD
"Lord, please, protect me from Your followers!"
"WWBD? Buddha- Does it matter? If you are enlightened it does not. If you are not enlightened it still doesn't matter."
"If you go looking to place blame, eventually you'll wind up blaming the Gods"
Quick Reply
Cancel
3 years ago  ::  Jul 12, 2011 - 10:50PM #186
JoyceB53
Posts: 2,328

I love the camel toe song...and I'm not guilty, lol.

Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.

---Psalm 118:24
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