|5 years ago :: Jun 04, 2010 - 3:11PM #1|
I may not have the "right" to post here, as I am not actually a caregiver. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers 4 years ago. She managed fairly well until about 9 months ago.
I live 1,000 miles away. Mother came to visit a year ago, and, although her speech was becoming worse and there were some other signs of her condition, she was still doing ok. I tried to talk her into moving into the area, either near us (our house is not big enough for another person) or into an assisted living facility. She seemed to consider it, then decided to stay where she is. A few months later, my niece (who is grown) called to tell me she and her mother (my sister) had decided that Mother needed to go into a facility.
My niece told me she would pass on letters and anything else I sent to Mother. I realize Mother cannot write back (she can't hold a pen now) and she can't call, as she has apparently lost her ability to speak. My niece has a stepson and a newborn, and I realize she is busy, but she has responded only twice to tell me that the letters and birthday flowers, etc., have been received. I have emailed my sister, but she has not responded. My sister has had a rough life in many ways, and has apparently chosen to distance herself from me as a result. I had nothing to do with what happened in her life, but my husband believes (and I agree, because there is no other reason) that she is jealous that I have had an emotionally smoother path. The point is, I have NO idea where my Mother is. I would go and find out when I get there, but I cannot afford it at the moment.
How can I deal with this? I would ask the facility to send reports, but, again, I don't know where she is. My sister refuses to communicate with me, and I think she has influenced my niece as well. I was perfectly willing to care for mother, or help care for her if she *did* need a facility, but, as I said, Mother refused and I know my sister will not agree now (and it might not be a good idea to move Mother, but, again, I just don't know). I feel guilty because I can't be there, and I can't get information. It is very hard to cope with.
Thanks for listening.