Post Reply
Page 1 of 3  •  1 2 3 Next
4 years ago  ::  Feb 08, 2010 - 10:01PM #1
Equanimity
Posts: 2

Hi. I am new here. I have usually been afraid to post my feelings....so personal.  But I don't care any more. I want to beat this depression and I'll do whatever it takes. I've been depressed since my adolescence. I started treatment when I was 22 y/o.....that was 20 years ago.  I've had periods of reprieve but not usually for very long. I am a Christian and my faith...my God is very important to me. Who knows what kind of pit I'd be in if it were not for God. I may not even be alive. This past depression has lasted longer than any that I can remember. So far seven months. I've had a recent loss that has made it worse, but there is a part of me that wants to fight with all I have even though the very symptoms of depression make fighting very difficult i.e. lethargy, lack of motivation, lack of pleasure. I still am going to fight this. I don't want to live this way any longer. I'm formulating a plan to attack this illness, demon, whatever you want to call it. I'm glad I found this site. I wish my fellow travellers well on this journey to wholeness. God Bless.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 09, 2010 - 12:00AM #2
JoyceB53
Posts: 2,292

Hello, Equanimity, I'm glad you found your way here to the depression forum, and I hope you stay and post with us.  I'm not the host of this thread, that would be NHT, but I don't think she'll mind too much if I tell you to check out the newcomer's thread at the top of the board.  It has some really good information in it.  Also feel free to post with us on the first thread on the board, "The Front Desk."  If you need to scream, holler, whine, moan, complain, whatever, check out the padded room.  You can basically say anything you want there, and unless you ask them to, nobody will pay any attention at all, lol, it will be as private as tho you were in your own bedroom all by yourself, but it's still getting a lot of stuff out of your system, ok?


So, know that you're not alone in this, there are an awful lot of folks that deal with depression a good part of the time.  And, now, go put some of your favorite music on, light some candles, eat a healthy snack, read a good book, preferably a funny one, watch a funny movie or whatever kind you like, start a journal, go for a walk, just sit outside in the sun for a while, take a nap, take a long soaking bath or shower, work on a craft, call a friend to go for coffee, just find something to do to take your mind off yourself and the depression, at least for a little while.


God bless.

Today is the day that the Lord hath made; we shall rejoice and be glad in it.

---Psalm 118:24
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 09, 2010 - 9:50PM #3
nightwitch
Posts: 728

welcome this is a good place to start your journay. I dont think you beat depression as much as you learn better ways to deal with and decrease the periods of depression. Depression has to do with way the brain works as well as the mental health part. I am finaly accepting that I have depression and will always have it I will just learn better methods to keep it under control. Any way welcome this is a good place to be.. it lets you say things you would not say and share .. so when you do go to get help you are more comfortable in sharing feelings. I has helped me.. also you may want to journal .. my therapist reads mine so he know more what is really going on .. not just what I tell him BB Linda

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 14, 2010 - 12:38AM #4
Utilyan
Posts: 5,529

Equanimity thats a great name and a good goal.


 


I felt compelled to post here.........    I dunno if its been said but...


Life is not about you getting beat up.


 


 


If you worry and/or you got that pesky mental narrarator letting you know how the drama is going.   Blaming, fault finding, finger-pointing.... when it runs out of things to blame it turns on you.


Sometimes the best thing to do is to absolutely listen attentively with the greatest effort possible.



I think our minds have a talking half and a listening half.    But we get caught up with the drama of the talking half........ its addicting and entertaining and bad habbit we make for ourselves.   But the harder you listen the more it shuts down.      It has to shut down.....your too busy listening for your mind to start yapping away and worrying.    Rather then listening to events for what they are the mind will try to yap its opinion and spin on it.   So its important to stop to listen to yourself attentively rather then taking over the narrative job.


 


Worrying has never given a solution to anything.....   Its like a useless mental Captain Obvious. 


What you "think" and what you "know" are 2 differ things.


See theres a internal fear so great that our confidence is so shot that we seek mental acknowledgements to the obvious.     But even if you have no confidence thats a good thing,  in the realm of potential the supreme sincere confidence doesn't lean on emotional or mental acknowledgements for security blanket.


 


Like your name Equanimity might be the best way of "beating" it.   Calm, relaxed.....


Don't try too hard, But never give up.   Laughing

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 16, 2010 - 12:12PM #5
appy20
Posts: 10,165

You can get so much better that it is close to beating it and also learn skills so that you won't get as far down when you do get it.  If you are lucky, as you age, your hormones and brain chemistry may change in your favor.  That happeend with me. I had depression for decades but have been depression free for about a decade now.  Hormonal changes worked in my favor.


Also, there are new drugs that come out and eventually there may be one for everyone who falls through the cracks.  Also in the works, are tests that can determine with greater precision what works with who.  That will eliminate a lot of the trial and error most of us had to suffer through. 


Don't give up.  Until there is a biological fix for you, do work on acquiring skills to deal with life. Cognitive therapy is very good for depression and for some people works as well as drugs.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 18, 2010 - 8:31AM #6
Ageo
Posts: 453

Feb 8, 2010 -- 10:01PM, Equanimity wrote:


Hi. I am new here. I have usually been afraid to post my feelings....so personal.  But I don't care any more. I want to beat this depression and I'll do whatever it takes. I've been depressed since my adolescence. I started treatment when I was 22 y/o.....that was 20 years ago.  I've had periods of reprieve but not usually for very long. I am a Christian and my faith...my God is very important to me. Who knows what kind of pit I'd be in if it were not for God. I may not even be alive. This past depression has lasted longer than any that I can remember. So far seven months. I've had a recent loss that has made it worse, but there is a part of me that wants to fight with all I have even though the very symptoms of depression make fighting very difficult i.e. lethargy, lack of motivation, lack of pleasure. I still am going to fight this. I don't want to live this way any longer. I'm formulating a plan to attack this illness, demon, whatever you want to call it. I'm glad I found this site. I wish my fellow travellers well on this journey to wholeness. God Bless.




Hi,


Depression has a good reason for arising in a person.  Depression is like a warning light in a car that turns on when actions are not fulfilling intentions.  I know depression.  I have been near suicide.  I have lived in isolation.  I have been beaten by others and lived with fear.  All of my fears, depression, and thoughts of loss had good intentions that went unfulfilled.


When I was a teenager I had no friends.  Throughout my life since childhood my ways have been different.  People have asked me "why did you do that?"  I would explain, and they looked at me with strange eyes.  My reasons were good, and they were more interested in blaming, or raising themselves up to negate me.


One thought was "Nobody likes me.  I'm weird."


Here is the old thought tree for that with focus on my own thoughts (which are all that I can control):


1 "nobody likes me.  I'm weird."


1.1 Why do you want people to like you?


1.1.1 I want to know more happiness.


1.1.1.1 Why do you think that you will find happiness by believing that no one likes you?


1.1.1.1.1 Patterns I have observed in others.  Poor me.  Pity me.


1.1.1.1.1.1 Why do you follow that pattern?


1.1.1.1.1.1.1 I knew no better way.


1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1 What is a way that will help fulfill the desire for more friends?


1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1 Recognize that sorrow, and alienation arise for good reasons.  If I am cast aside, find others.  Live and learn.  I am not out to hurt, and those that do not seek understanding will not understand.  Those that seek blame may seek the blameful.


 


1.2 Why do you care that you are "weird?"


1.2.1 People have hurt me, when I was not trying to hurt them.  My "weird" words alienated me from them.


1.2.1.1 Why do you concern your self, and bend your ways for hurtful people that would hurt regardless?  Is the problem not in them?  They blame and hurt without understanding.


1.2.1.1.1 I want to be liked.


1.2.1.1.1.1 Why do you want to be liked?


1.2.1.1.1.1.1 Life is more stable, and enjoyable amongst caring people.


1.2.1.1.1.1.1.1 Will those that hurt bring such enjoyment and stability?


1.2.1.1.1.1.1.1.1 No.  So do not live for them.  Their ways are hurtful.  You felt sorrow and hurt, and you sought stability and joy.  Do not live for the sorrow and hurt.  Forgive the hurtful.  Be free, seek joy, and peace.


 


Please remember that every thought of sadness, anger, frustration, and happiness arises from a good intention for you.


The trees of thoughts are like when a child says "I thought this would work, *because* ..."  The causes lead to effects.  The effects or actions are the fruits that may nourish others, or be bitter and selfish.  To repent your acts may fulfill your intentions, and the fruits of your labors will nourish your brothers and sisters.


You can not know a tree that will not flourish, until you see its poor branches.  A tree that grows with truth, grows straight towards the light.  It does not waver.   It could be said that the tree allows its yes to be yes, and it does not bend who it is, for the winds and whims of others.


Peace is not peace when it's an illusion created by lies.  Thus, is the peace of this world now.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 18, 2010 - 11:37AM #7
Bodean
Posts: 9,207

Feb 8, 2010 -- 10:01PM, Equanimity wrote:


Hi. I am new here. I have usually been afraid to post my feelings....so personal.  But I don't care any more. I want to beat this depression and I'll do whatever it takes. I've been depressed since my adolescence. I started treatment when I was 22 y/o.....that was 20 years ago.  I've had periods of reprieve but not usually for very long. I am a Christian and my faith...my God is very important to me. Who knows what kind of pit I'd be in if it were not for God. I may not even be alive. This past depression has lasted longer than any that I can remember. So far seven months. I've had a recent loss that has made it worse, but there is a part of me that wants to fight with all I have even though the very symptoms of depression make fighting very difficult i.e. lethargy, lack of motivation, lack of pleasure. I still am going to fight this. I don't want to live this way any longer. I'm formulating a plan to attack this illness, demon, whatever you want to call it. I'm glad I found this site. I wish my fellow travellers well on this journey to wholeness. God Bless.




I hope you truly find some good advice from the people here.  I'm not much of the touchy feely type, but I can give you some medical advice that you may or may not have received that hopefully can help.


There are two things you need to keep in mind regarding depression.  There is a biological aspect, and a spiritual/person aspect.


There's an excellent Medical Text called Essential Psychopharmacology of Depression and Anxiety.  If you've been depressed on and off for 20 years, biologically, you've entered a place that many people find themselves in due to inadequate treatment  The stages are response, relapse, remission, recurrence.  Once you've had two recurrences of depression, the odds of you being depression free without medicine is less than 10%.  The reason why is that depression actually decreases a key growth hormone called Never Growth Factor, that maintains brain health.  Prolonged depression causes a permanent change in the brain.


So .. what to do.  Learn to differentiate between "I feel better", and "I feel normal".  Talk to your doctor about the treatment you are receiving.  If you only feel "better", you may ask him to try upping your dose, or switching meds. [for example, from an SSRI like Lexapro, prozac, zoloft, to an SNRI like Effexor XR, Cymbalta or Pristiq).  Don't Settle for "better", it will only make things worse in the future .... go for feeling good!


NOW ... spiritually, I've found one scripture to hold the key!!!  He who has, will have more added unto him, he who has not will have what he has taken away.


This is a POWERFUL scripture for any purpose where you are trying to overcome.  What it is saying is that your efforts to overcome will be rewarded with more energy to further overcome.  When you give in, the will power you have to fight dissipates.  I've used it in diets, workout routines, academics, projects, ... and my own depression.  It WORKS if you will just remember it.  When you are feeling you don't have the "want to" to fight it, remember this scripture, and act.


Hope this helps.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 19, 2010 - 2:15PM #8
IDBC
Posts: 4,450

Howdy


I have been depressed for most of my life.  I tried committing suicide three times and either I failed or I am posting from the other side.   Wink 


The last time I attempted suicide as more than thirty years ago. 


I have come to the personal realization that


IT IS NOT DEPRESSION ITS FACING REALITY. 

HAVE A THINKING DAY MAY REASON GUIDE YOU
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 19, 2010 - 4:22PM #9
appy20
Posts: 10,165

Feb 19, 2010 -- 2:15PM, IDBC wrote:


Howdy


I have been depressed for most of my life.  I tried committing suicide three times and either I failed or I am posting from the other side.    


The last time I attempted suicide as more than thirty years ago. 


I have come to the personal realization that


IT IS NOT DEPRESSION ITS FACING REALITY. 





 LOL.  This is true.  However, moderation in all things is wise, including experiencing reality.  You can overdose on reality.  Sometimes, reality just isn't required.


Life is good despite reality.  Never forget that.

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Feb 19, 2010 - 4:48PM #10
Indra Starshine
Posts: 1

Pray you are feeling much better...I have found for myself that accepting it is the first thing, than just living in the moment (such as breathing in-breath, out-breath) focus; rising, falling plus watching myself Being in the Moment...example Eating: Giving Thanks, lifting, serving, chewing, tasting, swallowing...And meditating especially out of door, becoming one with Nature...see how a flower is moving with the breeze but Still in Oneness...Stillness - this is where your true Being resides in your heart also all them thoughts going on in your head is only EGO, so let go, be present, & know God...Many Blessing to You & All Beings


Feb 8, 2010 -- 10:01PM, Equanimity wrote:


Hi. I am new here. I have usually been afraid to post my feelings....so personal.  But I don't care any more. I want to beat this depression and I'll do whatever it takes. I've been depressed since my adolescence. I started treatment when I was 22 y/o.....that was 20 years ago.  I've had periods of reprieve but not usually for very long. I am a Christian and my faith...my God is very important to me. Who knows what kind of pit I'd be in if it were not for God. I may not even be alive. This past depression has lasted longer than any that I can remember. So far seven months. I've had a recent loss that has made it worse, but there is a part of me that wants to fight with all I have even though the very symptoms of depression make fighting very difficult i.e. lethargy, lack of motivation, lack of pleasure. I still am going to fight this. I don't want to live this way any longer. I'm formulating a plan to attack this illness, demon, whatever you want to call it. I'm glad I found this site. I wish my fellow travellers well on this journey to wholeness. God Bless.





Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 3  •  1 2 3 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook