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9 years ago  ::  Oct 24, 2009 - 12:10AM #1
Posts: 4

I recently found out that my ex boyfriend posted a video of me on a pornographic website meant to exploit exes. He sent me an email under the guise that he discovered this video online and wanted to warn me- but I know that he did this and this is just his manipulative way of trying to still hurt me.  I have never consented to being video taped during sex.  One of the many reasons for my break up with the ex was that he was addicted to pornography. I've been out of this relationship for over 3 years now but he continues to harass me. I've only been with 2 men in my life (my ex and my fiance) so I'm certain that it's my ex that did this.

The police are not helpful at this point:(

Can anyone give me any advice in the following areas: 

1. How do I get this video off the web? I tried joining this disgusting site so that I could contact their customer service- but that was a dead end. 

2. How can I legally get him to pay for this? I'm so angry and hurt by this.

3. Does anyone know of any organizations that help women in my situation? I feel totally exploited, harrassed and hurt by this and I don't know what to do. 

Thank you.

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8 years ago  ::  Jan 10, 2010 - 8:21PM #2
Posts: 265

Hi. I see this thread is a few months old, but no one has replied to it, and I can't imagine how awful this experience must be for you. But I do know how frustratingly careless police can be. I was recently harassed and the police wanted nothing to do with it. Perhaps you could contact a lawyer and ask what your rights are, and what you can do. If you've already resolved this situation, I'd be interested to know how. Wishing you peace and justice...



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8 years ago  ::  Apr 28, 2010 - 9:53PM #3
Posts: 2

I am very sorry for your situation as I think many people have been abused in this manor. The Police are not the people you need to talk to. If there is any way of dating these pictures or if he is in any of them you should go straight to city or county prosecutors office and explain to them but that will take one of the two means outlined above and tell them that you found out about it from him and you have proof that he manipulated you. Chances are that they have a file on him but even if they don't You may be able to press charges for Lude and Licivious behaviour which in many states constitutes a sex crime. If you are successful with the prosecutors office and can make a case then he may be found guilty and have to register as a sex offender, which is the first way you can affect hime for using you.

If that is established then the prosecutors office can subpoena the sites in question and order the removal of the content, and who knows you may even be able to take down the whole site.

There is no short and easy way to do this but hang your head up high as you have nothing to be ashamed of and if anybody approaches you that may have recognized you (within your sphere of friends and co-workers) then just deny it as they will want to try and prove it and this is where the reverse psychology comes in as you can tell them that it is not you but wouldn't their wife, girlfriend, or even mother like to know that they are viewing porn.

Also note their names as if they are viewing porn then they most likely are sick and have illegal files on their computers at which point you can agin go back to the Prosecutors office and inform them that this person has porn on their computer and while not all porn is illegal it would really be a stretch if they didn't have at least some files that are illegal. Possession of illegal porn is in most states a felony and they too would have to register as sex offenders.

If they are in my profession which is Information Technology then that would be the end of their carreer and most likely their marriage. Also they may already be a registered sex offender and if so they will have broken their probation and go to jail.

You have to understand that the Police are out on the streets to take care of crimes in action and since yours is not then all they will do (if anything) is write a report which is public while the prosecutors files are not and can be sealed.

Good luck and God bless

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8 years ago  ::  Apr 28, 2010 - 10:41PM #4
Posts: 2

I forgot to tell you but your ex-boyfriends Internet Service Provider (ISP) can be subpoened in a civil suit and examined for uploads of images to porn sites. His work should also be subpoened if he has access to the Internet from there.

Websites will also have records of their ISP activity and the good thing about the Internet is that ALL communication is traceable back to a particular system(s).

Websites that show this matter will not want to get sued and will gladly turn over any records of uploads of particular images.

I work at a University Medical School and sadly after 9/11 we had to do a preliminary forensic investigation on a Middle Eastern student that suddenly started missing Grand Rounds. I can tell you that even if he just deletes the files from his computer or has them on a Thumb Drive and moves them up to the Internet from that, it is traceable and sometimes whole files are recoverable.

So a civil suit is also a possibility but all pending litigation is public unless sealed by the Judge. You said that he still approaches you, if this is out of his way you can also try charging him with Stalking, but remember do not go to the Police first rather go to your city or county Prosecutors Office. There is nothin they like more than to get a sexual predator off the streets.

Good Luck and God bless

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