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5 years ago  ::  Aug 28, 2009 - 1:31PM #1
Desperateforhim
Posts: 2

My family and I recently started going to a new church....and wanted to get to know more people so we joined a community group.  Since I started going, I have felt very uncomfortable--like an outsider.. I feel as though the group ( of about 8 people)  does not take an interest in me, nor go out of their way to include me in conversation.  I was so upset after the last meeting, I cried as soon as I got to my car--I could not wait to leave...  At this point I am not planning to go back..Does anyone have advice on what I should do--Maybe it's not God's will for me to be there...Now I am thinking about finding another church altogether...


Thanks for listening

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5 years ago  ::  Aug 28, 2009 - 10:29PM #2
karbie
Posts: 3,305

Most churches go out of their way to make visitors welcome, especially when they keep coming and join in groups. I don't know if this was a very tight-knit clique or not, but ignoring you was not in your best interests or that churches for pity's sake. You did not deserve that sort of treatment anywhere, let alone from a church sponsored groups.


If they didn't want new members because they were discussing deeply personal matters they didn't want to share with a newcomer, the more polite thing to do would have been to apologize, tell you that this group wasn't accepting new members at this time but would thank you for your interest and tell you of some other groups that would be delighted to have you join them. What was done was rude and hurtful and certainly could have been handled without ignoring you.


I would go on looking for a more welcoming church than this one. It might be one out of this sect if you felt happy there before this happened to you. Otherwise I'd go on  looking if it was up to me; this one obviously isn't a good fit. There are a so many sects here on line here for you to check out . I hope you find a comfortable Spiritual home that makes you feel more welcomed .

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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5 years ago  ::  Aug 29, 2009 - 12:10PM #3
Desperateforhim
Posts: 2

Thank you Karbie for replying....It gives me comfort to have someone listen and offer some advice...I really think I am going to continue my search for another church home.


Thank you and God Bless You!

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5 years ago  ::  Aug 29, 2009 - 7:52PM #4
Isa.26:3
Posts: 19

I am sorry that you had a bad experience at the church you attended, continue to pray and be led by the Holy Spirit to find out if that is the church you and your family should be attending. Remember there are rude people everywhere, even in churches. Keep the Faith.

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 14, 2009 - 3:40PM #5
itsacrucifiction
Posts: 2,687

Aug 28, 2009 -- 1:31PM, Desperateforhim wrote:

I was so upset after the last meeting, I cried as soon as I got to my car--I could not wait to leave...  At this point I am not planning to go back..Does anyone have advice on what I should do



Listen to what your self is telling you, in bold letters above!

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 15, 2009 - 11:05PM #6
Newbear
Posts: 4

Hi! I remember going to a new church and the first thing they told me that "they were buying Christmas presents for the Shut ins, and what I should buy, and  how I should wrap the present, (what color of wrapping paper)!"  I also attended a Bible study where the different members of the class had to buy "Food and drink" for everyone (about 15 people). It was alright for  some of the members, but not  for some of us just getting by in life. I didn't last long at that church.


May God Bless


newbearSmile

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5 years ago  ::  Sep 17, 2009 - 7:15PM #7
karbie
Posts: 3,305

Well, all of that church's bells have to be brass--to make a request like that of a first-time visitor who knows none of the shut-ins is pretty crass to me. I've been in groups where the refreshments were rotated but no one was nagged if they couldn't afford to do so. I believe you but it's unfortunate that you ever went there.


When I was growing up we didn't have a lot of money but gave in service instead. Altar Guild, Choir, Sunday School--but it was all voluntary on our part. I've heard that some groups feel the way to make new members feel "part of things" is to immediately want money and work from them.


Well, that's pretty rude but at least they let you know right away that they were planning to bleed you dry--that isn't very Christian to me. I don't like high pressure sales tactics from a retail establishment and I like it even less from a religious organization. There are many people who are fine with that, and with letting church be the dominant force and take most if not all of the free time your family has.


I am NOT saying that's wrong; many people are supremely happy that way. I just don't happen to be one of them.If you had been attending this church for some time and someone had approached you and asked if you felt able to contribute to the shut-ins or to come and try a group out before you had to foot the bill, that would be acceptable.


I would keep looking for a church home that would be a better fit for you. My parents allowed my sister and I the freedom to check out other sects besides our own so that we could compare and choose on our own. There are many religions and denominations here on beliefnet. I'd try looking over some of them and see if there are any you'd like to check out; at least they won't be able to hand you a bill for it.


Good luck!


 


 

"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again."
'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."
these are both from my father.
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5 years ago  ::  Sep 24, 2009 - 3:21AM #8
Newbear
Posts: 4

Karbie- Thank you very much for the reply. I'm still looking for a church home. I know it's there somewhere. May God Bless,


Newbear

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2009 - 3:21PM #9
iluviam
Posts: 1

Sometimes we are somewhere because of going with someone else or just because of circumstance and we just feel like we don't belong. I would try one more time and enter into the conversation as often as you can. If they listen and talk about your comment, then give it another chance. But if you go again and they act the same way when you try to put yourself into the conversation, then I would leave. Evidently this group is not walking their walk, but only talking their talk. If you are there to grow in the Lord--get out and find some group that lives what they speak. A true Christian group listens to everyone and talks about everyone's opinion because there could be a way for them to grow in the Lord in your comment. I have been in this situation and it is most uncomfortable and like you, I have gone home crying. If they are really rude and ugly, I wouldn't even wait for the end of the class. I would get up and leave in front of them. Then they will know that something is wrong and maybe God will convict them at that time. Their ugliness will be taken care of by the Lord. Vengence is His, but you don't have to sit there and be ignored or treated badly. I say get up and walk out. This is my opinion--it is your decision. But Christians shouldn't be acting that way.

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 01, 2009 - 3:42AM #10
Denisewillis
Posts: 4

God is a good God!  We sometimes pray for things he feel we don't need and he knows it's not good for us.  Just as we do with our children.  This may come out a bit harsh but stick with me, You stated your reason for going to their church, to seek friends.  You didn't say your were in need of God and his word.  You wanted to recieve the love and hugs of new friends.  You didn't say that you extended yourself to them or God as you entered their place of worship.  Some church test your spirit as you test theirs.  When seeking a church, go where the love of God is, where the word of God is respected,  and preached.  When you find a good church home, you will find God and all his children there will love you as he do.   Until then you have a friend in me and i love you as God do.  But like him i want you to find a perfect church home where he oversees everything.  He says to you don't depend on man but him.  I'm sure that he has sent you friends by now, right?

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